Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Recently been doing some reflection on my past and what I have been doing recently.
It's a little amazing isn't it? Like you grow so much, so drastic.
And I've been listening to a lot of songs lately,
different songs have a different meaning,
which secretly linked to a different person.
I've been thinking like why time has passed so quickly.
I'm already 21 this year, from a teenager to becoming an official adult.
If you asked me if I am happy that I have grow up, I would say no.
It's so funny right? Like it's only yesterday I have just started this blog.
I still can remember vividly every single little things that had happened since my teenage life.
I was telling my Uni classmates about my life, that I had an accident when I was 16.
I even showed them the pictures. It was horrible. Seriously, the most painful days of my life.
I really don't understand how I manage to pull through it, because the pain was like hell.
School these days have been really fun.
I'm really glad that even though I didn't join full time, and had enrolled into part time.
I had my fair share of fun and joy like a typical Uni student.
My classmates are fun, and we had been like sticking together.
We kept having a lot of outings, like bonding session.
It makes me think of the time I had with SBM.
You know it's so amazing that one moment, you are so close with this group of friends,
and the next moment, you suddenly drifted all together with this group and had a new group.
Life is so funny at the same time. You know that's why I believe in impermanent.
I know this wouldn't last, and that after graduation, we wouldn't be as close as like now.
So I chose to spend more time to enjoy my Uni life.
After all, all these time would pass and sooner or later, we would all be busy with our life.
Now that we have all started working, and are still schooling together.
We have the same topics on work, jobs, school and stuffs.
Sooner or later, we would all get married, and everyone would be busy with their life.
And my close friends, I can foresee that we would still hang out, but not as often like now.
It's like you are watching everything fading away slowly, but you just try to treasure it now.
As for dad's health, it don't seem to be good.
I'm trying, we are trying, we all are trying.
We are trying to make him stay alive,
yes, he isn't helping himself.
He still goes on with his unhealthy diet, like eating whatever that comes into his mind.
Yet, we are all trying to make him understand that at this time of his life,
strict diet is really important, like total strict diet.
But, you know my dad, he loves food, just like I am.
He just can't be bothered and continued eating whatever he likes.
Worst of all, he don't listen, and we are trying.
It's like we, children are trying to make him understand the seriousness in this situation,
but he, himself is trying to shun from the reality, being self-denial about his health.
What are we supposed to do, what am I supposed to do?
Can someone tell me? We tried all ways, really all kinds of ways.
I even thought of asking Venerable Bodhi for help.
It's like you are watching your dad slowly seeking death,
you know the seriousness in this situation,
but no matter what you are trying to tell him, he don't listen.
He still goes on with his usual lifestyle, do whatever he likes.
You know, it pains me, it really makes me feel hurt that I'm watching my dad,
from a healthy man to a real skinny man now. He no longer has his muscles and stuffs..
He looked weak, like real weak, and I don't know what to do.
I still want him to see me getting successful in my career,
get married and have some kids for him to play with.
Though I know, marriage would come later,
I wanna totally focus on my career,
I wanna buy a condominium to let them stay.
I want them to enjoy life, to really totally enjoy life.
But now that I have started studying,
I have my commitments to do,
I can't give him all my pays even though no matter how willing I wanted to.
But I need to pay my school fees, yes I'm paying my own school fees - 19k.
If anyone thinks its gotta be easy, no it isn't.
Yes, the advantage of paying your own school fees is that,
you have no worries after that.
You don't have to worry about graduating from the University,
and you need to start worrying about how to pay your school fees.
But still, I gotta suffer like this for 1.5 years.
Sighed.
Alright gotta stop here already.
I need to go to sleep.
If not I gotta be like the same like today,
only waking up at 9.10am when I'm supposed to start work at 9am.
Good luck. LOL
Good night!
1:05:00 AM
