8:59:00 PM

Haven't been feeling very good these days~

I'm just feeling so not right nowadays. I didn't want to care nor bother of anything or anyone. I just simply don't care. I had been doing my work all the while today and I'm satisfied for being such a good girl again.

As I searched around the website, jumping from one to another one. I came across dogs adoption & the cruelty to the dogs. There were so many stuffs happening to the dog. Abandoning a terrier in a house after the family had moved house, leaving the poor dog waiting for the return and they did not came back. Evetually, she had fleas all over and she had skin diseases. Beside this case, there is even one ridiculous one. A family had bought this puppy and played with it everyday. Took care of it like their own child. Eventually, when everyone gets bored, they left the dog alone. Alone in the darkness, alone in his own little world. He had irritation all over his body and none cares. They just left him alone. He had a very foul smell and still, no one cares. On Christmas night, where everyone was gathering to open up their present, they took him to a dark corner and left him there.


I just couldn't believe that there are so many such cases happening. Abandoning their pets, leaving them in great misery. Please tell me it's all a dream that will never come true. I just can't believe it. So much of a bloody scene, so much of a heart wreaking scene. No one cares, no one really cares. If you can't take care of a pet, then just leave them to a responsible owner which can give them the life that they wanted. Why must let them suffer through all this torturing?


Seriously, I still cannot believe it. I shall never neglect my little boyboy again. I'm sorry that I've been very busy and not walking him. It's not a excuse, I know. I will definitely take good care of them again. I promise and I got to be a good owner. They are not worth such treatment, are they?


Anti-Cruelty~

4:41:00 PM

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

It just seems weird~

It was a pitiful day. I couldn't really remember what I had been doing for today. Blurred memories had been flushing into my mind today. Past memories had been flowing back whenever I tried to pay attention to the lesson. I can't resist the urges to reminiscing it alittle while, since the memories just came so suddenly. We had songs playing during our Physic lesson by our teacher. A song that was worth to be remember, Right here waiting for you. It had been a song that I had been liking ever since I'm in Primary 6 and I was with WeiRong. Sweet things never last. I didn't want to get the memories back, since it was very blurred right now. Perhaps, when times go by, the memories might get clearer or get even blurrer.


Sometimes, thing gets funny. You were very close with this friend but you don't know what happened, two of you lost contacts and it seems so naturally that one another had been forgotten. I'm not referring to anyone, just in general. KahBeng is getting in NS soon, it had been afew months ever since I know him. Time flies without anyone knowing.


I shall cut my blog till here. It's already very late and I'm very tired right now. Works weren't done today. I was rushing to upload the photos for SBM website because ZeMing requested to do it as soon as possible. Thus, I need to fulfill my job to get it done. Anyway retreat is coming on this Friday, time just seems not right. Nevertheless, I will still be going anyway.


有些事是那么简单，为何要搞到那么复杂？

11:52:00 PM

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Interesting day with dogs around me.

I only finish my portfolio during school hours where everyone was doing the same thing like me. It was not supposed to sound exciting for spending my school hours to mug over some stupid portfolio. Curse the person who had come out with this suggestion of doing the portfolio for our CA2 marks. It isn't fair to us, is it? I will rather take up tests and studied hard for it than losing my marks from the file.


D & T workshop was fun today. I'm just in love with soft pentrel. The toning and the colour that comes up is absolutely perfect. I love the effects and the way it had the tone on its own. I'm proud to say that I love my "art piece". (We were supposed to have D&T) I guess I had right colour combination for it, thus having it in perfect colours.


After school, met up with my mother and went home. Brought Janelle to have a shop for the dog stuffs and we went to collect the puppy. I asked auntie if she is bear to leave the puppy. She answered me with a negative answer, yes. Everyone will definitely have developed feeling for things even for awhile. I took the other puppy home and waited for ZhengHao to come and collect her. As she left, I started to get very affected. I barely with them for a day and yet I missed them so much. I'm sure they will be taken well off by them. It's just that, I miss them. To look on the bright side, I won't be able to take care of 3 dogs, will I? I doubt so. It's definitely a good decision to have them being given away to the others. If this is my house, I will definitely let both of them to stay at my house even how hard it is going to take for me to take care of them. Seriously, I hope no one will abandon their pets anymore. I'm not blaming Auntie for it. She had been the kind-hearted person to bring the 2 puppies back home from somewhere where's food are not available. It's not her fault that she couldn't take care of all of them. I appreciate all her efforts for doing it.


I can get crazy over animals sometime. Just shun me if I do that at times because I will stay at that place for a very long time without getting my attention off them. Maybe I should go for the job over at United Square with the friends that I had there. I can easily get a job to take care of dogs. It's a deal, I must try out for this kind of job which involves with animals. I just can't resist animals, mind me.


Sometimes, it gets alittle funny when my mood can swings in such a motion. I guess it's human nature. I just get upsets over nothing. I get irritated over nothing. Afterall, emotions come and go. I just want to know why do I get different kinds of emotions when I have nothing happening? It's weird.


站在世界的一边，我看着回忆慢慢的模糊。

11:13:00 PM

Monday, August 14, 2006

I had a bad day~ =(

Even though how much I tried to finish the file up, I didn't make it. It's not that everything was not inside. It's just that I didn't know that research and the source-based question was two different stuffs. Thus, I end up losing 5 marks for my file for late submission. It's not fair, is it? History students gets the normal marks if they hand in tomorrow but losing 5 marks after tomorrow. Yet, as a Geography students, we were made to lose 5 marks for tomorrow.


I met many people today. Firstly, it was Kaiyi on her way to NUS. Then, when I was coming up from the Train Station, I met this weird guy who started to talk in a very rapid way. He start to say all kinds of nonsense and I thought that he was from some Charitable Organisation. He passed me a pen and said whatever crap that people needed a second chance. So, I thought he was from some organisations that helped with drug addicts since I met Kaiyi and she had just surveyed an ex-drug addict. In fact, I was being cheated. It's alright. It's $2 afterall. I shall take it as a lesson bought.


I did alot of meaningful stuffs today. I bathe my boyboy. I made him the most handsome dog in the world. I sprayed "perfume" on him. I make sure he's going to be clean and fluffy. After that, I went over to library to return my books and paid up the fine. Searched around for some storybooks to be borrowed and went home. Did some research for my portfolios and sent it to Amanda. Being a super nice friend of mine, she agreed to print it for me. How nice? Very nice. There was this flat that has dog and puppies. Thus, we went over to play with them. Auntie told me she had to send it away tomorrow, so if my friends wanted it just call her. She might be sending to SPCA. It's a big nono to me. Being a anti-SPCA person, I tried to find people to adopt that two puppies. I was supposed to use the time to do my Social Studies but I spend it on the puppies. It's worth it afterall.


Janelle and Zhenghao had agreed to adopt it. I'm way too glad to let them have it. It's better to have someone to take care of them than putting it to sleep right? It's the most happiest day of my life. I've to thank the two of them for helping me alot. I sincerely appreciate it alot.


快乐回忆是长久的

5:17:00 PM

Sunday, August 13, 2006

MONDAY BLUE AGAIN~

I spent my whole day reading Candy and I finished it. After that, I started my Social Studies file. It wasted my 4 hours just doing that pathetic Research. If I'm given a choice, I don't even want to take this subject. I'm not feeling very well right now. I hate to face books~ Oh well~

10:10:00 PM

I hate sunday~ =(

It's sunday. I never like sunday because after today, I will be studying for the next few days. I doubt there's anything that will be that exciting today. I'm sure that I will be spending my day doing the damn portfolio. Firstly, I need to find my darling Amanda for help on the printing my stuffs first. She's always the one who help me to print stuffs. I truly and sincerely appreciate everything. I'm very glad that we had each other as neighbours for so many years =D


Who can help me with the research? I'm dead~ The research is the worst of the worst stuffs I never like doing it. Kill me please so that I don't have to go school tomorrow. It's a long long week with CCA & all kinds of nonsense. Oh crap~


I remember I was daydreaming in class when I got hold that human are selfish. They never like to share their stuffs nor their knowledge. Whatever stuffs I had learnt from my friends or teachers, I will try to teach it to my friends. Yet, they never teach me at all. I'm always on the losing side. When your friends asked to copy your work, you will just kindly pass it to her/him. Yet, when you asked from them, they will want to ask for something in return. Why people can get so selfish till this way. Sometimes, I don't know if I want to be selfish to the people around me anot, because it's never fair toward me. I was being thought of how to share with others and stuffs like this but the way others had showed it to me, I'll never like it.


Life is unfair, humans are selfish. Things have been pondering in my mind for a very long time. I always have doubts over this and that. I was finding this Yuan Yi for these few days. She never picked any of my calls. She bought a belt from me and we're supposed to meet up yesterday. I tried to call her and she never reply my sms nor pick up my calls. I need the money for the girl guide cookies so much & yet she kept avoiding me. I'm getting so so so tired. Life has never been fair for me. I've been very good to her yet she always give shit in return.


Life is unfair, humans are selfish.

12:57:00 PM

I'm super happy~!!

I'm so happy that no words can describe the feelings I'm having. I thought I wasn't the luckiest girl, I thought everything was so bad. In actual facts, I'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. I know where's my stand and what I want. I lost something that is precious to me that time, I didn't ask for it to return. It's a good choice afterall. I gained something that is even more precious to me, an experience. I know I don't make any sense over here but at least I know what I'm writing. Too bad.


Archery course was a good one. We played around with the bow and the arrows. Don't ever even try to bully me because you'll suffered. I make sure I will take out bow & arrows (If I have) to aim right at you. Don't try me alright. XD ! I can attack short distance with Fencing and long distance with Archery. I'm happy!


After having the course, went straight to temple. Studied about the Composite function which I'm sure that I will flunk that pathetic test I had yesterday. There's only one pathetic Inverse Function which I can do it and it is only 2 marks. It means that I can only score 2 marks out of the paper. I had to do my Social Studies Portfolio tomorrow to finish up everything by monday. I don't want to flunk my pathetic Social Studies Portfolio when my studies are already very bad. I'm dead, I didn't even start to do it at all. I don't like to do portfolio, I never like to do it. =(


The topic for Sharing Session today was "Faith". A few questions strike me. To be honest, i'm supposed to be Taoist but I pratice Buddhism. Even at this time, I don't even know how to tell others if I'm a Taoist or a Buddhist. So, I told them that I'm in the middle of the two religion. I had never called myself a Buddhist until the day when I started to truly learn and pratice the dharma. Eg. Managing our anger, being mindful of the things we do.


I never find the solution to any problems until dharma came in. I learnt to be more mindful in the things I do. You know that I will kick a big fuss over some small matters that irritates me but it no longer happened already. I know I shouldn't be doing it. I know it will cause great misery to not only me, but the people around me. I'm proud to be a buddhist yet I'm supposed to be a Taoist. Although the religions have different customs, I will still do it. Being a Taoist, I do burnt incense on the 7th month and of course on the day when I'm supposed to pray to my GuanDiGong. Yet in buddhist studies, 7th month don't exist.


Different approaches onto our life, I'm the one who is praticing it so I can choose not to pratice it if I don't believe in it. Faith do not grow in one day, it slowly grows when time goes by. As I had met up with alot of problems, I decided to be more mindful in the way I'm going to be angry. I know that I'll be angry but anger comes and goes. So, I took up dharma to help me with it. Faith comes with it when things go along.


Oh ya, I'm trying to spend more time with my family already. My brother had been complaining that I've been neglecting my family. As if he didn't neglect me when he has a girlfriend, but it's alright because I did my part. =D


I'm happy and I get to know that I'm the luckiest girl in the world

I told you, I believe in karma and karma befall on the person when I least expected and care.
I sympatised you. Take good care in there~ I will never touch on these memories at all.


ZhenFeng & LiWei BULLIED ME~
I had a red line across my arm =(

12:18:00 AM

Friday, August 11, 2006

Cool with a Capital K =D

I had fun for these two days of holidays. Though it's short but it's better than having no holiday. I manage to get up to East Coast with Moggallana to cycle all the way to Changi and came back to meet up with the rest. It's a public holiday, thus everyone was squeezing in a small little area trying to cycle & blade all around. I don't like to see or have many people around me. I used to like that but things do changed, don't it? Maybe I'll be back to love to see many people around me? Since I'm living in town area, I ought to love things that are supposed to be and not change it. To tell the truth, I don't like changes.


After we had fun in the East Coast, we quickly get up to the nearest hawker centre to have our dinner. If not, we would have starved to death. We had our dinner in the fastest time because we're going to miss our firework which starts at 8pm and we're still at Parkway at 7.35pm. After gobbling up our dinner, we dashed and rushed to catch the bus to bring us to kallang. It didn't come until 7.50pm. It seems that time do pass very quickly.


The bus came and we hopped up into it. We were supposed to alight at the nearest bus stop that is near to Kallang MRT to watch firework because it's already 8pm. We don't want to care where we were watching it, just simply want to catch a glimpse of it. We didn't know that we were near Stadium, we didn't know that the firework would have been so near to us. We were lucky, very lucky. We managed to have a good spot without anyone to squeeze us. We manage to catch it on time. I'm happy! =D


After watching the firework, we went off to the Kallang Basketball court because of HangQi. Being a oh-so-nice person, he went off to play basketball leaving the few of us do nothing. So VictorTeo came out with an idea of playing Block catching. The rule is that we can never stepped out of the boundaries but we can run all around the whole blk. Being the only girl in the game, I went off with JunHao. During the first two round, both of us were the first one to be caught. The last round is the most fun of all, maybe to me? The block is a very challenging one. The corridor is a straight one and you can directly look at the other staircase if there's someone over there. There's two lifts and two staircase.


I was running with JunHao when VictorTeo spotted us, thus Junhao told me to go upstairs while he go down. So, I'm left all alone. I hid behind a cardboard. It's silence. Goose bumps started to appear. The place is messed up with all kinds of cardboards, shelves. Only a few storey is messed up in this way. After hiding there for around 5 minutes, I decided to walk down. As I walked and walked, I heard footsteps coming up towards me. And then, I saw Larry =D. I told him to catch me because I want to end the game already! I don't want to stay alone in a place where I'm unfamiliar. LOLS ! Time was getting late and we went home after that =D


Oh ya, I made Spagetti for my brothers & their girlfriends in the morning. Isn't it a meaningful day? =D


On thursday, I woke up very late. After that I went off to Hougang to help out with the painting. Wen Cai's dingdong is very cute XD ! It's so fat~ Fatter than my boyboy XD ! We had to paint a base coat which is the white colour one. The paint is oil-based. I don't know why I just don't like the smell of the paint. When they were shifting the shelf, a perfume bottle broke and sweet smell had defuse the whole room. YAY~ Some stupid conversations broke out and I'm really very stupid in answer questions can~ I don't want to answer anymore questions already.



BOOO~ kor want use pc~

11:58:00 PM

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Will I die? I had sniffed in loads of tinner today!! I hope not~ Maybe feeling alittle unwell but I'm still okay! Shall blog tomorrow! I promised! I've to finish up the Moggallana's photo first =D


STAY TUNE!! LOADS LOADS OF THINGS TO WRITE =D

11:42:00 PM

I'm sick~!! Yet, I don't mind because I had fun!! =D


CHEERS TO MOGGA!

shall post soon about it tomorrow, I'm just feeling so not well. =(

12:33:00 AM

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I'm happy~!

A very busy busy day for me, was rushing here and there in town. I was supposed to spend my day with my Arse since I have been neglecting them. Yet, Esther told me it's not really that case. I don't know, thus I still took out my time to be with them. In the same time, I didn't want to neglect Madeline too. I had to be fair to both side, thus I went for both outing. Being as filial as I can be to my Rainer papa & Xuan mama, I wanted to squeeze the night for them yet when I called mama, she've reach home. I'm sorry!! Didn't manage to go for the pool session with you guys. =(



Esther & Me had taken some photo when we're waiting for WaiYik.


After the shopping session with Arse, I met up with Madeline & guys. We watched "Click" & I cried. It's a very good show and I shall put my thumbs up. It's about a guy, Michael who was very tired of everything in the world. Thus, he decided to get a Universe Controller. He was given one and he started to use it happily without knowing that mishap will be coming next. A string of mishap stuffs happened and his life was fast forward. As he looked back to the past, he started to regret. Well, shan't continue further so as not to spoil the fun xD !! It's a MUST to watch this show =D


I started to realise how much I need to treasure my family! =D I have to and I need to!! I shall declare that I love them as much as I can no matter what happened. It's the love that matter, don't it? I don't care if fights broke out or whatever shit happens, I will love them as much as I can give. =D






My house has good views to watch fireworks. I know you're jealous XD

I was watching fireworks when I found out that something was wrong. Nahh, it's not the firework. It's my boyboy~ He didn't bark at all to ask for us to bring him out to watch. Played with him and he started shouting in a tone where it hurts. We tried to examine him but whenever we touch anywhere of his body, he will start to whine. I went to call my big brother and get to know that he was punishing boyboy the other day with a newspaper. So, he's the culprit. Yet, he pushed the blame to me. Oh wells, I'm used to it already. We decided to test out if boyboy had a phobia of newspaper and the answer is yes. He did all kind of stuffs just to get away from newspaper. He no longer shit nor pee on the newspaper anymore. He just want to get out of anywhere that's near newspaper. I almost cried out when I knew that something was wrong with him. I don't want to lose him~ He had became a part of my life already and it's a routine to be playing with him everyday.


I just can't lose him~!! I shall see how things go these few days. If it's neccessary, I shall bring him for a check up. I don't want anything to happen on him please. Buddha bless him~ I will treasure my boyboy more because I had came close of losing him. Arghhh~


Anyway I'm very tired right now, there's outing tomorrow! I hope everything goes smoothly~ I'm starting to lose confidence in myself~ Oh wells~ BYEBYE~


I loves everything in my life. Be a part of my life & I'll love you =D
It's only applied to people who are nice & the people who I'm close with XD
Aquaintance is not counted xD !!


我的快乐，没人能抢走。
快乐，只有自己能够给自己。

12:20:00 AM

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

ToaPayoh Shopping~

Instead of going to Bugis to shop with marmie, I went out with my real mummy to Toa Payoh with my brother & his girlfriend. My brother's friend had a shop over there and I managed to buy a wallet & his girlfriend bought a bracelet & the total cost $10.50. How nice can his friend be? Anyway I bought a wallet because my current one rolled away from me today. I lost it in class and managed to find it back when Hui Qing told me. THANKS GIRL~!! I almost cried out!~ My wallet really rolled away from me because it's in a semi-circle, I had seen it rolling away before and today, it rolled away without me knowing. To ensure that I weren't have rolling wallet again, I bought a wallet that will never roll XD !!





I wanted to buy a pink one but I'm just too afraid that it will get dirty after afew days. Thus, to be on the safe side, I bought a black one with not much of a design on it. Though I don't really like it but well~ I wanted that hello kitty bag which my brother's friend sold it at a very cheap price. I don't care, I want to get it no matter what. It's good to know alot of friends =D I never regret knowing any of my friends okay =D


Hmmm~ I guess I need some shopping!! ANYONE????? YAY~ Oh ya I was very stressed about the decision. No one helped me =( Sometimes I do Moggallana stuffs, I really can get so stressed up. ARghhh~ PLEASE JUST COOPERATE WITH ME LAH! I know none will read it lols but yeah at least I vent it XD !!!!! YAYYYYYY~ Lols..


Woohoooo!~ I guess I'm crazy today. I needed shopping =D ! I'm still an ordinary girl who need tons of shopping and hanging out XD !! I miss night life =( Nah, not going clubbing though. XD Arghhh I don't make any sense right here anymore. Ehhh? I guess I should be going already or I will start to utter all kinds of rubbish xD !!



BOOOOOOOOOO~

1:12:00 AM

Sunday, August 06, 2006

The world had gone round~

I had been slacking at home all day long. I just didn't want to do anything, not anything at all. I really wanted to do something but I couldn't do it. I knew I have to start somewhere, thus I took out my textbook. The next moment when things come to sense, I was lying on my textbook dreaming away. How cool can that be?


Time flew, it's already 10pm right now. I didn't do anything meaningful at all except reading the novel. The book almost dragged my soul in as well. My heart raced when all the mishap events were happening for that Candy & Joe. I quickly stopped to rest for awhile and I had been resting till now. I'm just too tired to do anything! Arghhh~ I want holidays please please. Yet, I must go through all kinds of exams and tests before I have my holidays =( I hate exams~


I'm supposed to meet up with marmie tomorrow, it's supposed to be my day with her. Why that stupid guy want to meet her up for movie tomorrow. It's damn unreasonable~ She quarrelled with her because of the movie. I'm getting real sick of it. He told me that if she was to go out with me, he weren't meet her up. What the freaking thing that he said. It's crap, i dislike people who lie to me. I don't take lie~ Never. It's not the first time, nor the second time. It's alot of times. If it's afew times, I don't mind. It's too many that I can't even count from my hands. I just felt so neglected. It wasn't this when I knew her, she wasn't like this. We go out as much as we wanted, we have as much fun till the night comes. There's so many days that he can choose from, why must it be always the day when I go out with her. It's getting up my nerves already. I guess I should let all these off already, I can't be bothered already. Even if it strained our relationship, I don't care. I don't want to be the one who gets hurt always. I don't want to ask her out already =( When disappointment overwhelms me, I won't do anything to improve anything. I won't because it hurts too much to do it.


I don't know why I can start crying when this stuffs of things always occur. Seriously, I hate to take all kinds of nonsense. Sometimes, I hate myself for trying to make things better but things always cropped up, and I'm all alone sad and tired. I don't have to care about anythings for it. I don't have to even bothered to meet her up to get our distant closer abit. I really don't have to. Why do I need to make myself suffer so much for it? Things will be better off that way. Please remind me to never ask anyone to go out anymore except those people who I know weren't throw me aside. I never like to go out with couples either, get faraway from me. I don't care if you're my father, mother or my brothers. I DON'T LIKE MEANS I DON'T LIKE. Don't bother to even ask.


Don't try to provoke me because that I didn't accept any guys. I have my own reasons, I know what I'm doing. I won't go into a relationship for the sake of going in, for the sake of getting myself out of loneliness. I don't, mind you. You know who you are who had said that before to me. You don't know me and you never going to. Just get the facts that no one will know me better than I do. You know who can make me real sad is the people who I think they are close to me. In actual facts, I aren't anything to them perhaps.



Not in a good mood~ Shun me please.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH LAH~

8:57:00 PM

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Saturday ended so abruptly~

My saturday was spent in SBM & Campfire. I wasted my time going to the Campfire. It's a worst of the worst Campfire I haven't been. It's even worser than Tanjong Katong's one. I doubt I will be going for another Campfire since every campfire is letting my hope been smashed. I still loves our Campfire which is organised by us. Everything were set up nicely and we used all our efforts for the dance & decorating the stage. It's the best campfire I had attended. *Thumbs up* This campfire is getting real pathetic. I'm sorry if it is your school but I'm stating the facts, didn't I? It's supposed to be a Campfire where everyone gets high, but no. It became a bonding session for teachers and students XD !!


It's been a very tiring day today! Shall blog more tomorrow =D

GOODNIGHT

11:22:00 PM

Friday, August 04, 2006

Friday~

It's always a delightful day for me every Friday. Stucked on a book "Candy" ever since I had been holding it. The book was overdued and I'm going to be fine for it. It's not worth if I just returned the book without finish it right? A math was killing me just now when I tried to understand it but at least I managed to understand a teeny weeny bit already. It is definitely a very good news for me.


Went back for girlguide's national day rehearsal just now. I don't have to go but I thought they needed help thus I went. In the end, I went there to waste my time. At least, I did meaningful stuffs by reading that book every little precious seconds that I had. While I was walking back to school, thoughts were filling me up getting me all occupied. I started to think alot again.


I don't know why I'm doubting my ability. Perhaps, I'm feeling that people are doubting my ability and I started to doubt myself. I was always making the best out of everything, trying all my effort for something. Yet, the results never show. I don't know if I should be laughing or crying. Maybe all this while, I'm living in my lies? Perhaps.


I was flipping through my neoprints' album where I came across so many photos which contains alot of memories. Sweet moments never stay. Photos always bring me back to the past and kept me reminiscing the past again. It's good to reminisce the memories at time, you will know how much stuffs you had gone through and how much you wanted things to be in the same way again. Yet, both of you knew that things weren't be the same and we're both heading to the different world. Impermanent remember? There won't be a single thing that will stay.


As I was chatting with my brother, I started to have an interest to know more about religion. I'm stucked in between Taoist and Buddhist. I pratice dharma and I believed in philosophy. I must admit that I don't have a very good knowledge about Taoism. I was borned a Taoist and maybe I'm supposed to know more philosophy but things were otherwise. I knew more buddhism than anything. There's one time when I was surfing the net and I came across Christianity. Different religion teaches us differnt stuffs and it's up to us to follow with where our heart goes and believe.


I'm not in a very good mood nowadays, don't try me. I weren't be very nice. I know I'm going to explode but I just kept my angst still. I get irritated when people continued to ask me stupid stuffs, I whined over small stuffs and kick a big fuss over it. I gone mad when people nags at me. I really don't know what happening to me. I reckon it might be the time of the month again. Time to put my minds down for this little while and relaxed myself, should I?



Am I living in my agony?
I never like to be sad, I never will.

8:20:00 PM

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Thursday? Why time is passing soooo slow~

I survived the three tests. It's seem that a big burden had been put down. I was so stressed that I hardly listened in class already. A math really killed me in and out just now. I died there already, can never move anymore. Mrs Lim had started a new topic and a new teaching method. She didn't even explain at all, just wanting us to copy and copy. My A math is already suffering, why must kill me in this way? When I looked at the textbook and didn't know how to do, I almost cry. It's killing me already~ I've no choice but to accept that fact that Mrs Lim isn't a patience teacher. She doesn't even have any interest to teach us and helping us to pass. There's a test coming and she said that she will include one question from the trigonometry so that all of us will fail. It's over me already, I can't breathe anymore.


Supposed to go out for a walk with my dearest girls but cancelled due to we didn't know where to go. They're living at the far west while I'm living at the centre. Decided to go home and have a nap and I set the alarm clock at 5.45pm, I didn't wake up. I slept till 7.45pm. Yeah, I overslept. It's not the first time nor the second time, I can no longer hear the ringing of the alarm clock. When people called or SMS me, I can't feel a single vibration at all. Something is wrong with me already =(


I'm having moodswing nowaday. One moment, I was happily doing whatever things I'm doing and the next I can't be bothered with anything and feeling sad so suddenly without any reasons. Soon, thoughts start to filled my mind and I became more and more sad. I knew I was being controlled by my mind already. I can't even understand why I'm sad in the first place, it just hit me.


Mother's nagging is driving me crazy. I'm not in the mood to entertain her at all. Why can't she just leave me alone to do my stuffs? Sometimes, I really want to scream out loud that I'm down with so many stuffs and I'm really very tired. I'm all drained out everyday and I doubt I've any strength to hold on. I want to screammmm! Oh well, shall find one day and get off to the beach nearby and I shall scream my lungs off and no one will be bothered YAY~! I hope there won't be anyone around, or I will be categoized as the one that ran away from Woodbridge Hospital.


Sometimes, the people around you can make a big difference to your mood too. When all your friends are happy, you will typically get happy no matter what. Yet, when your friends are all depressed, you will go with the crowds and get sad. I'm not following the crowd right now, it's just that I'm feeling damn stressed up. Exams are not here yet, why am I so stress up right now. I've no idea either. The pain on my last finger is suffering. I guessed I fracture it during the netball game last Friday. It's been a week already, why didn't it recover.


Everything will be fine sooner or later, it's just a matter of time. I will be emotionally stable again~! Just let me vent all my angst and anguish out and I will be better. I'm glad that I have this blog for more than 2 years already and it had been a very close friend to me ever since =D Blogging had been a passion that I can't resist not doing it everyday. If I don't get to blog everyday, I will feel damn pathetic. It's good to feel that you still have a close friend for you though it's something you can't get a reply from. *Bloggie, I'm glad I've you =D* I guess I'm going bonker already, I even starting to talk to a non-living thing. Crazy~


I shall stop here or I will just continue ranting for as long as I'm given time to.


Should I go for ChaiCheeSecondary's campfire? I had a very bad impression for campfire the other time round. Morale was so low that I just took out my handphone and started sms-ing. If I go, I'll be wasting my precious time to hop over there. Arghh~ I hate campfire that waste my time. If it's a good one, I don't mind going but if it's a bad one, you get it from me. I will rant as much as I can till nothing is worth for it. YAY~ Don't try me ! I will go for the campfire but don't give me a lousy one~ =D


Sometimes, I doubt my ability to do things =( I'm loser~


Rainbow after Raining~

8:15:00 PM

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I'm dead, am I?

I had been lazying around for the whole day. I just fell asleep during Physic Lesson when the teacher was going through important part. I'm dead~ There's Emaths, SocialStudies & Chemistry test tomorrow. How am I supposed to study for all of them. I'm typically dead. Can anyone dig me out from my grave? Right now, I'm drained out from my mentally and physically already. Can I be excused from the class tests? =D


I made a timetable. It's not really a timetable but somehow what I am supposed to do and how much time I'm given to finish up the task daily. With effect from tomorrow, I hope I stick to the task and the time given. The timetable goes like this - Walking my boyboy for half an hour, doing my homework for one hour, intensive revising for two hours, praticing my piano for one hour and reading a book for half an hour. Is it a better idea than wasting my time? I just wasted my time sitting right in front the computer. I just can't concentrate on my studies anymore, I need a break. My chinese is deproving very badly. How am I suppose to do well in my chinese when the teacher hardly come to school? He hardly teaches us for more than 2 time per week. We even had a week break without any chinese lesson the other time. It's pathetic.



I've so many things to be written down. Yet, in the midst of writing this post, my mind went blank. I'm so tired right now, should I be sleeping now should I be studying for the three tests that I'll be handling tomorrow. I think I will take the later. I might be staying till midnight before I stopped studying. I'll be studying only Emaths and then the SocialStudies during recess. Isn't it a good idea since I'm having my Social Studies after recess. I wonder why teachers don't be alittle teeny weeny bit nice by putting on other dates. I'm officially dead no matter what. I hope I'll survive tomorrow. Buddha, englighten me please.


Suddenly, I miss dancing. Used to be a dancer in my Secondary School. All I can say is that, our dance rocks. I miss dancing =( I might be signing for dance after I finished my Piano Grade 8? I don't know, shall see how things go in the future.


It's 12.30am, I had been writing this post ever since in the night around 8pm. It's means that I've been sitting infront of the computer all night long. I'm dead already, off to study right now. =D


I don't want to study =(

8:50:00 PM

Doing it for the fun of it =D

[ ] You listen to death metal.
[x] You wear mainly black.
[ ] You have had 10 or more fights with yourparents/guardians
[ ] You own a pair of chained pants.
[x] You've cried yourself to sleep. (usedto)
[x] You do or used to think about suicide.
[x] You've screamed so loud at the top of yourlungs your throat hurt.

TOTAL = 4

[x] You did or still do constantly worry what other people think
[ ] You're a transvestite
[ ] You own at least one metal CD
[x] You buy clothes from hot topic
[ ] You'd rather be someone else
[x] You wear black eyeliner
[x] sometimes even with your friends you're quiet and sad
[ ] You cry every day
[ ] You cry every week
[ ] You'd never be seen in pink
[ ] You take/used to take drugs.
[ ] You smoke/Used to...

TOTAL = 4

[ ] Right this second you want to die
[ ] Your walls are black
[ ] You've attempted to starve yourself
[ ] You've dyed your hair black
[ ] You've dyed your arm hair
[ ] Your computer is full of gothic symbols
[x] You sometimes feel like the whole world is against you
[x] You stay up late
[ ] your family couldn't care less about you.
[x] You only leave your room to pee and eat.
[ ] You drink/used to drink alcohol.

TOTAL = 3

[ ] You wear long sleeves in the summer
[ ] You get called emo/scene
[ ] At least once a month you shrivel up and cry
[ ] You wear spikes
[ ] You wear chains
[ ] You wear band Tees
[ ] You own merchandise of The Used
[ ] You own a regular metal CD
[x] Your friendster/myspace is black (otheraccount)

TOTAL = 1

[ ] You hate your siblings
[ ] You could care less about your looks
[x] You want to be skinnier
[x] Your hair is currently black
[ ] You own arm cuffs
[ ] You pray to the devil
[x] You own at least 2 shirts with sayings
[ ] You like the taste of blood
[ ] You welcome the sight of blood

TOTAL = 3

GRAND TOTAL = 15

Now take that number, multiply it by 2

30% Depressed? Don't be crazy XD I'm happy XD

12:12:00 AM

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Yipeeeeeeeeee~

Black black Hamster!



See how lovely they are!! I just love them so much but hais~


I finished almost half of my pratical for my design&technology, leaving a teeny weeny bit of it. Pratical is fun but I don't like to handle the tools that will dirty my hands, but I've no choice. At least being a Design&Technology students, I learnt to draw 3D stuffs well and of course be independent. =D Maybe getting this subject isn't a mistake afterall =D YAY!


School was the same as usual. I just simply can't tolerate any longer and so I fell asleep xD !! I just cannot sleep early at night, if not I will just fall asleep anytime in the morning. Arghh~ I shall sleep late today yet I'm very tired right now~ What's the matter with me though? Arghh~ LOLS ! I wants to sleep and I love to sleep but I'm not given enough time to sleep. This sucks~ Oh ya, I skipped my workshop today. Just simply don't want to go and want to go back home to finish up stuffs so went home and brought my boyboy out. Finished my stuffs and at least a burden had dropped =D


It's Science's day tomorrow, at least it weren't kill me as much as Math's day killed me. Yet, there's CCA tomorrow~ It killed me! I hope days pass quickly. I want holidays to come faster! I want no more school, I want holidays. ArghhH~


Sometimes, things can be so funny. I was singing this song yesterday and today, the teacher had played this song for us. Only melissa knew about it because I was singing it to her XD !! Let's reminisce our childhood!!


我的家啊，在楼巷。
楼巷是个好地方
不知世界什么样
知知世界是天堂

连环书，叮当唐。
看街戏，扮新娘。
跳飞机，大水战。
东盆西跑做迷蒇。


Yay! Some error here and there because I forgotten what the lyrics already xD ! Who cares, afterall the tune is there. xD


GONE~

7:31:00 PM