& that I really really miss 31st December. :)
3 months ago of this time. :)
When I was once really happy for the first time,
of loving you that much. :)

& now, I can only watched it faded away.



I wrote a long long post,
but I had saved it as a draft,
I'm just giving myself some time. Sigh.
I knew I won't make it, but still I had to.



& I wish, his holiday could end soon.
Because it's the holiday that always caused the hoo-haa.
Sigh sigh sigh. I don't know if it's help after school reopens, but I hope so.



Miss you, my dear.

11:29:00 AM

I tried to make myself happier. :D
I should stay positive. :)




Oh yeah, I kept disturbing Sky when I worked,
cause we always happened to be in the same event.
Cornelius' name for his short form was Corn.
& that day Alex called Corn - Jia Gong ( Hokkien )
So cute lah can can can !

& I suddenly remembered Sky in chinese is Tian Kong. =/
Throughout the whole dinner,
I just called him Tian Kong. LOL!
He had a lot name you know.
I used to call him Chinese name - Yong Nian,
& then I started to call him his English name - Sky,
& then I ended up calling him Tian Kong. :D
Then I kept disturbing him,
天空一片蓝天
天空一片灰暗

When I first knew him during his first event,
he looked so dumb can ! xD
& I thought he was so quiet.
Now he so noisy can !

& Lijie kept helping me to take food. xD
So nice can can can! Lijie, you're the best ! :DD

Nicole & I are North South East West Sister. LOL!
Damn cute, cause of that day when I disturb Zhen Zhong.
Cause he said we are like North Pole & South Pole,
automatically stick together when we see each other. LOL!
Then I told him, because no matter what,
North South East West, I will go with her. LOL!
& so, we North South East West go together. =D
& that day, we kept folding napkin,
even we finished folding the current stacks,
we still went on taking more napkins over. xD!
& we really really miss Lin Ying. =(

& after thinking so much,
I just remembered,
I haven't cash my voucher. -.-"
No wonder I'm so broke now !
Why am I so stupid! -.-"

I was still wondering,
why did I work so much,
yet I'm still so broke. -.-"

& IT show's pay, wasn't in yet. =(
I hope they pay me as soon as possible.
& I hope they have more events for me. :D
$10/hour you know !! I work 4 hours I also happy. =/
You see ah, work for Banquet for 4 hours - $24 only!
Then if I work for Mio Tv - $40.
Big difference can !

& yeah, today went shopping! :D
I got so many things to buy,
guess I will have to update my wishlist soon. =D
& then I shall go shopping soon to get all my things. :D

After that, I treated dad&mum for dinner,
& we went over to Ikea & bought 3 armchairs. :D
I got a new new armchair to use now. :D
So comforting can can can !
I'm so going to change this whole room,
after brothers & sister-in-law moving out this August. :D

For now, I want to re-new my computer.
I should stop saying already,
I kept wanting to format computer,
but I never once did it. -.-"
Stupid me~

Okay okay.
I shall leave for good. :)


Number of things to do
1. Change my blogskin before Birthday. :D
2. Reformat my computer before school starts.
3. Shop for my Polytechnic stuffs - bag/clothes. :/
4. Return Lawrence his items. =/
5. Get all my pay before I starts to forget it totally. =/
6. Start saving after shopping. =/
7. Clean my room.
8. Bring boyboy for vaccination.
9. Start training my Cabal. :D


& birthday is coming,
I guess I'm so going to stay home !
How nice! =(

Desmond is having his birthday this Wednesday.
Shanyuan is having his birthday this Saturday.

& Jessin seemed to lose my booking slip,
which means I don't have to work ?
I remember telling NSK yesterday I don't feel like working for this week.
& indeed, I got my dreams come true & I wonder if it's a good thing or a bad thing.


& yeah, I want to meet up with a lot of people. :D
I'm getting ready my calendar. :DD
But first, I want to know if I'm working this week anot. =/
I shall plan everything tomorrow then. :D


I'm feeling hungry. =/
Okay bye. :D


& oh yeah,
I chose a damn nice armchair for my brother,
I'm such a good sister. xD!
& I sweared it's damn comfortable.



K bye, I should go update my wishlist now. :D
Loves loves loves loves. :D
How I hope I could be as rich as billgate. =/
I want to go shopping. :D
But I should learn to cut down on my desires. =/




就算眼泪掉了，
我也要学会坚强。

2:46:00 AM

Emo periods.
I got my previous post off.
Sorry.




Will this be an end?
ILYIRDS



K bye.

2:26:00 AM

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Hello.
I'm here to blog.




















& then,
goodbye. :)





I want to salvage everything.
I have to learn to be understanding.
I have to take everything even though it's tough.
I have to learn to tolerate all these pain.
Because, I chose this path.
& so, I'll live up to it. :)

I miss you, my love.

7:13:00 PM

Wah, I can sleep earlier today one!
But I went to blog hop till it's 6am now. =(
I hate myself. =(


But but, I share share with all of you alright. :D
You know ah, I went to read one blog,
a young mother with a cute baby girl.
Damn cute I tell you !!
My friends, next time u all give birth to baby girl alright,
I be the god mother. :DDD Cause baby girls are so damn cute can !

http://loveof-alifetime.blogspot.com/
I share with all of you. :DD

http://loveof-alifetime.blogspot.com/2007_12_30_archive.html
You see her baby started with a typical new born baby look,
but she grew into so cute cute little baby child can !

Damn damn cute,
I'm so jealous can.
I want to turn into a cute cute baby girl leh. LOL!
I still want to feel young young !
I'm turning 17 soon you know !

& you know what,
everytime I say I should reflect upon my actions,
I ended up doing other things, blog hop & shop online.
& wasting all the time into meaningless stuffs. -.-"

I'm so failure.
Loser~ Roar myself.


& birthday is approaching!
What should I do on that day ?


I should sleep now.
Sleep sleep sleep!
& I want to rant,
I'm hungry. =(

But I cannot eat now !
Cause I'm sleeping now.
Never mind, I should wake up early tomorrow to eat. =/
Don't blame me for eating so much,
cause I'm merely eating one meal a day. =/
Not that I'm purposely doing it,
but it's cause, I woke up late everyday. =(

Never mind, tomorrow shall be my first early day. :D
Food, food, food. :DDDDD


K bye.

6:01:00 AM

April Fool is coming,
I've uploaded this song. :D
Hope to share with everyone.
It's by Black Forest, a local band. :D
Ernest, your singing rocks !
I hope I remember to tell him that I had uploaded his song. =/
I hope he don't mind too !! Because it's really nice ! =)

Blahblahblah,
I woke up really late today.
I woke up at 4pm you know !
I wanted to call the vet for boy's vaccination.
But, I woke up so late, how to call !
& I went to bath & stuff,
& head over to Changi. =)

The lonely journey to the east. LOL!
& the bus ride was so boring. =(
& I took an hour plus to reach the chalet.
Kahbeng, I hate you for having your chalet at some wulu place. =(
I overshot the bus-stop. & he came running to the bus-stop to find me. :D
It's all his fault, cause he kept saying to drop off & yet don't drop off.
& ended up, I was so confused, I didn't drop off at the right bus stop. -.-"

& yeah, made friends with his friends. :)
I felt really funny to go there with nobody I know except the host. LOL!
But I ended up, knowing new people & getting to learn a lot from them. :)
Thanks for all the advises yeah !! =D

& I played Majong with the guys. :D
& I kept winning for don't know how many times. :D
Damn damn damn nice !
& I win for consecutive 3 times ?
& the whole thing, I win for like 4 times ?
I'm not so sure, but I just remember saying "Hu!" for a lot times. xD

Blah, & I must annouce that,
Kahbeng's chicken wings are damn nice !
He can barbecue it well you know !!
I think I'm growing real fat after eating so many. =/
But, I sweared it's damn damn nice. =DD

& he's going overseas soon. =(
3 years of oversea-ing. =(
No more chicken wings. =( LOL!

So blah, wanted to catch the last train,
but we missed the train & yeah,
we went to Pasir Ris.
& then back to take cab home. :)

& friends, I want to meet you guys.
My holiday is ending soon. :(
Let's meet up people !! :D


I'll do a serious reflection about it,
to read between the lines,
to read the signs.

This lesson will be learnt,
an unforgetable one.
Thank you people! :)

I had understood,
decisions are in ourselves.
We held it high or low,
we held it clear or not,
we ruin it or saving it,
it's all in our hands.

I used to think that I should let my life to take over me,
but now, after going through so much, after learning so much,
I guess, I should take over life, I live up to my life,
not my life living up to me.

It's all about choices, our choices.
I think I'm lost at somewhere,
but don't worry, I'll be fine. :)
Just in the hope of having things going better, going smoothly.

I don't mind wasting how many time.
I don't care how it will prolong.
As long as the end of the day,
things are on a right track,
even if it does not,
as long as it is turning right.
& so lady luck is on my side.

Thank you people. :)
Thank you so much. =)


No more.



The Bottom Line
Criticism is coming your way today, but not to worry -- your ego can handle it.

In Detail
Some criticism is coming your way today, but not to worry -- your ego can handle it. In fact, your drive for success sort of demands this type of honest feedback from others, so it's good to build a reputation for being open to it. Thank the people who are giving you constructive criticism, and ignore the people who are just trying to cut you down to make themselves feel better. The difference will be obvious, so you won't have to worry about who you should listen to.

2:46:00 AM

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I had decided to work next week as my last week before school starts.
But still, I haven't check my booking slip yet. I hope they gives me lesser days. =/
School is officially starting soon, & that I'm having orientation & stuffs.
I hope it's fun, I hope I can make it through my Polytechnic life though.
I'm so afraid that I will be one of those who kept skipping lessons. =/

Anyway, I slept at 7am.
& I ended up, dreaming of nightmare.
Yes, my worst nightmare.
Things about him.
It felt so real.
& I woke up, crying.


Goodbye.
I have nothing to blog.




& I just miss his calls.
Miss the nights when we spent talking.

如果说爱，
已不可谓。
那我宁愿藏心里面，
其实我害怕会失去你的感觉。

It was that fear.
It was that desire.
& then, it just fades away.

You were all that mattered,
even up till today, this time.
I still miss you, knowing that,
you miss me no more.

I hate to start anew,
when all others don't matter anymore.
Care no more, I'll learn.

4:25:00 PM

Initially, I felt the pain. =(
It was meant to be a joke.
But, he was so direct & straightforward scolded.
Stupid idiot moron, he never thinks before he says. =(
Alright, you suck. Roar you !

LOL, I think I'm insane.
In awhile ago, I was still upset.
Another while later, I kept saying angry,
when the fact is, I wasn't at all. -.-"
If I'm angry, I weren't even bother to say out. =/
But, I kept saying angry so automatically. =(
Bad habit. *Smack* But still, ANGRY LAH! LOL!

13 April coming!
I hate you. =(
Because you don't care.

I think I should learn to avoid things,
before I get hurt from all the cold treatment,
& because, I know he won't learn to avoid to give me such pains. =/
Because, I was just some stupid ass in his eyes, & that I doesn't matter to him.
When you understand people,
you will know when to react to such treatment.
Especially, to the ones that you loved.
& that I chose to avoid it before I get it.
Thus, I logged out of MSN.
& now, causing me to do nothing. =(


I'm starting to get immune to such pain.
You had always been the one giving the pain,
while I'm always the one at the receiving ends.
Though at times, you gave me happiness.
But at other times, the pain you gave, you never knew.

你不会累
但我却爱你爱得好累

I had always walked back to square one.
You had always left me alone, walking back to square one.
No matter how far it goes, it's always back to square one.
I miss you. Miss everything of you.

你很难受
我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛
再多坎坷我都陪你走

& yeah, I'm just a burden.
I'm starting to hate myself for caring so much for you.
& that you don't even care at all.



It's 6.30am.
Good morning.

2:19:00 AM

Do you guys still remember what did Ven. Mahinda told us?
My brother actually sent me an email,
yes an email, even though we live in the same block,
same floor, same flat, same room. =/

He sent me this.
The year 2012.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7hRnSLlq7k

But I really don't have the mood to know about the doomsday,
because I had already been doomed for now. =(
I hate you.

2:13:00 AM

Friday, March 28, 2008

Hello.

I don't know if I want to really blog.
Cause, I had opened up this webpage for more than 2 hours.
& It's still so blank. =/ I really don't know what to blog.

It's deleted.
I typed & deleted it. =/
That's me, don't ponder what I wrote.

Been quite unlucky these days.
I went to play lan that day.
& I was happily playing Cabel. :D
Then, they told me to change channel to Mercury.
& then, after I wanted to change it.
There came the stupid updates. =(

& I was stucked there,
couldn't play Cabel anymore. =(
& everyone was playing WOW. =(
I was so upset can !

So yeah, I was so pathetic,
& I went to play Maple.
Best thing you know !
My account got hacked. =(
All the items were gone. =(
& I don't even have a pathetic single mesos. =(

You know, Maple was the last game I want to play.
& now, when I turned to my last game that I wanted to play,
everything was gone. Too little too late. =/

& I was so pathetic,
I went to play DOTA with AI.
& I kept dying & dying. =/
Roar you. =/

In the end, I played MSN again. =/
I know it's really really stupid.
But, what to do. =(
Blame it on my unlucky-ness. =(

Anyway, working was great today.
It's a VIP events, and people we are handling are cute people.
They comments me that, I made a good sales girl. =/
Just because, I was doing the food server,
& I kept chatting with them. =)

Next time, I must find a job with comission. xD
& I'm sure, I will kept pushing my sales. xD
I'm so going to be rich rich rich. =D
Alright, stop dreaming. =/

It's already 4.12am. =/
I'm still here blogging. =/
That's so wonderful ah !

& blah, I had been eating a lot these days. =/
I'm so going to grow fat soon. =(
Though I only ate one meals each day,
but the aftermath, all the desserts & everything. =/
It's so fattening please. =/

& whenever I head over to the lanshop.
I will have the habit of eating Pocky. =/
& then drinking Taro Milk Shake. =/
So unhealthy lifestyle please. =/
But still, I felt like heaven can. LOL!
I've been into Pocky lately. =/

I felt like a kid suddenly.
Maybe it's that,
the fact of turning 17 soon,
is so harsh please. =/
Alright, not the age,
but the date. =(
13 April. =(
Will you even remember?

& blahblahblah,
I was chatting with Jasmine & Kaly.
& I found out, they knew Jashawn. =/
Though Jashawn&I were awhile ago.
But hearing his news, still shocked me though. =/
Like, WALAO SERIOUSLY LO! =/
Oi, if you read my blog,
sorry lah, but really lo.
Let me rant abit lah.
OH MY GOODNESS LO YOU! =/



I still reminisicing the times,
when everything around us were perfect.
& when I was still something to you,
& not like now, nothing at all.

我爱着谁
爱到我有点醉

1:54:00 AM

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I really don't know how to blog.
Because, I'm still feeling so funny.
What is happening to me. =(
I'm starting to not understand myself anymore.


Do you understand ?
I hope you could understand,
how I was feeling all these while.
Because, I don't any more.


I'll blog tomorrow.
Sayo.



The acceptance of your flaws.
What about mine?

11:08:00 PM

I had 4 unread message.
& my phone was in silence mode,
so all it could do, was to vibrate.
& I heard none of the 4 vibration,
except the last one.
Which is from him.

It happened for a few times,
I never hear the others' message,
when it comes to him, I hear it well. =/

Was it fate or coincidence?
I hope it was the former,
but I knew, it was the latter.

I have so much to say,
so much to blog.
But I don't want to blog it down,
at least not for now.

Till the day,
I've more clear mind,
I will speak my mind. =)

I'm fine.

3:53:00 AM

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I don't feel like going work. =(
I really really don't.

I don't want to smile.
I don't want to laugh.
I don't want to cry.
I just felt emotion-less. =/


Alright, I'm late for work now.
Goodbye. =/

12:33:00 PM

This is mine, 1888 post. :)
This blog had been with me for this coming 5th year. =)
But I had the urge to close it down. =/
I'm sorry, but I really don't know.
Sigh.

You know, my heart is not stable. =/
Awhile, I'm feeling alright,
& then another while, I'm feeling not alright at all.

I wondered, why can you still be so oblivious,
why I couldn't be the same like you. =/
Sigh, I felt like everything is alright again,
but yet, I don't know if it's alright at all,
but still, I don't know why I'm not feeling alright.

Even when he's online,
and that I knew where was he,
I didn't dare to chat with him.
In afraid that, his reply will be as cold as last time.
Just for the sake of his friend, he's treating me that way.

Sigh, crazy me. =(
I'm starting to think a lot.
Killer thoughts. =(
I hate myself.


I just want to roar. =(


Why did I care so much about you,
when you don't even give a shit about me.
wanling, you suck. =(

12:13:00 PM

I don't want to stay at home lahhhhh. =/
Firstly, computer lag until like don't know what,
then it starts to hang.

Secondly, my house black out !
Due to short circuit just now. =(
& I started hearing sounds.
WALAO~!

Everything happened at 3am. =/
Like suddenly you know !
Kiasinang.

I was away from my computer for only half an hour like that,
& then when I get back, computer kept dying on me.
Then all the stupid things happened.

But now, the lights are back,
but still, walao !!

Ti gong, poppi wo heng heng,
Kuandigong, poppi wo shun shun li li ah.


I better go & lie on the bed,
& stop using my computer.
I don't want to have such things happened second time lah.


Kbye.

3:18:00 AM

I should let my blog to be alright.
Sorry people, I don't want you guys to worry.
I'm still that bubbly girl. =)
I still the happy-go-lucky siahwanling.

I don't know what to blog,
because, I really don't know.

On a lighter note,
I'm craving for Hokkien Mee.
I'm craving for Maggie Mee. =/
I know it sounds weird why I'm craving for it,
it's because, I wanted to eat it, but mum don't allow me. =(
She say, it's bad for health. =(

& I'm craving for Sakae Sushi. =(
I'm craving for Pastamania.
Who wants to bring me there? =(

& I have a good hair day. :)
I really love my hair a lot. =)
But people are criticising about my hair,
saying it's too long. =(

Alright, I should head down to Chapter Two soon then. =(
But, I really really love my hair leh.
But yet, I don't want it to grow until the floor. =/

& I wanted to do potatoes salad today,
but I woke up too late - 5pm. =/
So, there goes my potatoes salad. =(

Piano tomorrow. =(
I'm so dead you know.
I haven't been touching my piano for like 8793248792 years.
Alright, I'm too exaggerating,
I just haven't been touching it since the last day that teacher came,
which is like 2 weeks ago ?? =/

Sigh,
why am I feeling so sigh.
I guess, I should go away.

It's just so hard to pretend that I'm alright.
Aiya, I'm starting to bite.

Alright, I should go away & start reflection.
My mind is blank now. =/
Takecare people.

1:48:00 AM

I'm not in my right mind.
Whatever I wrote.
I really don't know what I'm writing.
I think I'm still very affected over it.


I think I'm the only one who is bothering about it.
I don't know what I'm thinking now either.
Pardon me.


Even speaking to him,
being too afraid that I will say wrong things,
I kept my silence at times.
I laugh away my fears.


I guess, I should stop blogging for now.
I should do some reflections.
Goodbye.


我如何假装
我心里不再有你
沉溺后清醒你
却是异常的平静

我们怎么了？


I really don't know what to do now.
Never mind, I'm working tomorrow.
No more thinking, no more killer thoughts.

Are you going to let all these to go?
Please tell me that you won't.

Alright, seriously.
I should stop blogging.


I want to bite.

12:11:00 AM

Monday, March 24, 2008

You should know,
what I really care about.
No, not us. But you.

Tell me that you know,
tell me that you understand,
tell me that you care.

I really wish that you could realise,
that you are living for yourself, not others.
At least, for your case, it's for your own good.
I don't know how much my words had go deep in you that day,
but I know, everything that I said was all the concern given to you.
If you want to take it as, naggy, kpo, noisy, whatever you said,
by all means, my dear.

I just wish you could understand everything.
Even if it's just the slightest thing, I'm more than happy enough.
You know, I really don't even understand myself,
why should I be bothered, why should I care.
Sigh, it's only going to bring more pain to myself.
Knowing that you don't even care a single thing about me.
Yet, I still wandered so much about you.

When I needed someone the most,
& all I needed was just some concern from you,
you wasn't even there at all.

I always treat people the way they treat me,
I return what was given to me.
For you, it was so different.

I really wish you could do what you wished to,
for the sake of your family,
you should know,
during that time,
when you needed someone,
only your family stood behind you.
Who left you, who didn't,
you understood more than me.

I don't know if you still reads my blog,
but, I just hope one day you will chance upon this,
& understand, what I'm driving about.
I'm writing this, not for the sake of me,
I'm not doing any good to myself,
perhaps, writing this, you will hate me.
You & I understands the whole thing well.
Only you understands what I'm writing about.
No, not others, because I had never shared it with anyone.

I know I still don't understand you well fully.
But from what you always told me,
from what you always say,
from what I had seen,
I know what type of person you are.
& I had told you, what type of person you are in my eyes.

Maybe all these while,
we needed heart to heart talk.
& the last one, it was a meaningful one,
I had learnt to understand you better,
learnt to know what you are thinking.
& understood the whole situation clearly,
though it was still quite blurred.


Sigh, but now,
I'm still feeling mixed feeling.
I had always been stucked here.
All along.


I wondered,
do you even care?
Perhaps yes,
no one care.
Sigh.


I'm always answering my own questions,
because I found no answer in you.
& all I could do to find answer,
is to find it in myself.


Sigh, I really wish things will go the right way.
At least, for you. Sigh. I'm caring all about this again.
I should stop caring about you. Sigh.
I'm so contradicting.


GND SWL DIAF
You don't understand NSK.
Stop bothering NSK.
Stop caring NSK.
NSK.


Sigh, it's so hard to pretend,
to pretend that I don't care.
When the fact is, I still do.
Roar myself.


Goodnight.
I'm still feeling not-myself.
Sigh. Tears are no more the solution.


这感觉已经不对，
我努力在挽回。

而你还记得一切吗？

10:24:00 PM

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Why care for people who don't even give a damn to me?
Why cry over people when he aren't bothered at all?
Tio bo? Tio.

I'll leave.

He still can enjoy life just like ever,
why should I get affected over here then?
He don't even care can, please.

这真可笑也真可悲啊。

Ha, I just want to laugh at myself.
So pathetic holding on,
when he himself is letting go.
I wrote in my phone note,
"Will you be the first one to give up on us first?"

& I think, I have an answer to my question,
Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know.

I had been caring too much,
I had been bothering too much.
We're in a too complicated situation.
We all knew it ourselves,
but only I cared for everything.
He wasn't even bothered.
He still goes on with his life just like ever.
While, I was too affected to do anything at all.
So funny huh~

If he was still a little affected,
I'll be happier, because I know he still cares.
But, from the way I got to know,
he's still as happy as ever. Ha.

I know he had too many problems to handle,
& that he don't want to care at all.
maybe me to him, was nothing at all.
& that's why, he had never been affected at all.

It's so funny, like how I still cry over his future,
It's so funny, like how I wished he could change for the better.
It's so funny, like how I still care for his life & stuff.
It's so funny, like how I wished to handle the problems with him.
So funny, but yet, I couldn't laugh out at all.

My sanity had been driven away.
Once, we had it all & I had to watch it slipping away.
I just wanted to hear from him,
saying that he still cares a little,
just a little will do.
But I know,
he won't.

Even typing all these,
I couldn't control my emotions,
& let the tears do the job.

If he's still care,
he would have contacted me.
But uptill now, not a single message,
not a single call anymore.
& I myself, don't know what to do anymore.

Though at times, I was still wondering,
will my feeling fade for him.
But now through this problem,
I think, my feeling was still there,
& it was so true.
So true, that it starts to hurt.
& hurt so badly enough that it kills.

I had been trusting him all along,
anything that comes from him,
I trusted everything.
Even if I had doubt,
I still chase that doubt away.

It was not easy to love someone,
& trusted it all, & hoping for the best for him,
& watching everything to slowly slip away.

It's not easy to lose something that we built it through time,
though it was short, but it seemed long, everything & everything.
The trust, the faith, the feeling, the relationship,
& you just have to watch it turns away.

& the hardest thing to do is to love someone so hard,
& watching him to turn his back to you first.
& giving up everything that was built.

So sad but true,
I care for him more than caring for myself.
Even till now, typing till here,
I still wishing his life will get better.
You know, I don't want him to suffer that much.

I don't care about my feeling,
because feeling comes & go.
Impermanent.
In life, everything is impermanent.
Even if his feeling faded,
I don't blame him too,
because it's impermanent.

But I care more about him & his life.
Yet, I knew from the start,
I can't do anything,
because I aren't his whoever.
& that I can't care too much for him,
because he will definitely find it irritating.
& knowing him too well, I understands him.
& I just want him to be happy with the things he's doing.
He can do anything, as long as he's happy.

But certain things, I know he shouldn't,
& that he knew he shouldn't too,
I can only advise, I can only care that much.

You know, I felt like laughing at myself,
to be caring for someone who don't give a damn to me.
& kept losing my emotions over him.

Initially, before sending the message out,
I found it so hard to press the sent button,
when I sent the message out, I avoided my phone.
In the end, I realised, I have to face the facts,
I have to face the reality & that's life.
If I myself don't face my own problems,
who will do it for me?

Everyone has their own problems,
it's up to oneself whether they want to face it anot.
& I faced it, though the truth was still uncertain,
because both of us had too many complicated issues,
& that I don't want to share it with anyone.
Sorry.

I know too many people are reading my blog,
though I don't know who are the one are reading it,
I can only know who is reading it when I saw my tagboard.
The others, I don't know at all.
But I'm glad, that you guys care,
& that you bothered to read.
But I'm still so sorry,
certain things,
I really don't want to share,
not even my blog.

I used to pour all my problems into my blog,
looking at all the archives, you will know it.
But now, I know certain things are to bottle up.
Because, that's life. & that you can't rely on anything.

& I always believed,
when you love someone,
everything will work out naturally,
but no, it's not naturally,
it takes two hands to clap.
& that it's how one & another held on,
& that it's how one & another work things out.
We can never rely on this word "naturally".

I really want to say that,
I don't care anymore,
but I can't.
I found it so hard to pretend,
to pretend that I don't care,
when the fact is, I still do.

It's alright.
I will learn to leave.
I will learn to move on.
Impermanent.

Somehow, I still wish he still care.
Sigh, but I don't know.
Never mind, I should accept the fact.
But why do I still care so much for him.
Why do I bothered to be bother about his life, his future.
Why do I bothered to be bother about his mum, his family.
I'm just so contradicting.

I ought to stop blogging.
Because, I'm getting over contradicting.
& that I can't rely on him to assure my contradiction.
Because, he's no longer there anymore.
But I kept wishing, he's only no longer there for now.
This is what we called, 自欺欺人.

& why do I kept wishing that he could still care?
& why do I kept wishing things that I know don't come true.



Sorry, I'm sorry my dear.
The last time, I love you.

5:03:00 PM

Changed song into playlist.

1. 失眠的睡美人
2. 最近好吗？
3. 防盗锁
4. 不要用我的爱来伤害我
5. 忘了怎么哭
6. 别说我的眼泪你无所谓
7. 有一种爱叫放手


These are all my feeling,
shattered.

4:57:00 PM

I think I'm weird. =/
I think I'm very weird.
He said, been contacting all along,
& that it's confusing.
So, I didn't contact him,
but yet, wanting to contact him.
& wishing he could contact me.
Sigh, so sigh.

I'm still so weird.
All along.

Because of you.

6:05:00 AM

I don't know if I'm avoiding the fact or what,
but I really don't dare to get online anymore.
Too afraid that I will talk to him so naturally.
I think I'm a loser,
because, I avoiding the fact.
People, laugh man.
I'm just that pathetic.


Sigh. Forget it.

5:30:00 AM

Nothing is ever too late.
Heart to heart talk this morning.
Just between us, I don't want to share.
Don't bother asking, I'm sorry.

Don't worry, I didn't cry.
& I went to work.
Smiled with the guests,
chatted with the guests.
But I'm sorry, I've been faking.

I really wish, at least not for the sake for me,
but for the sake for his mum & family.
I knew they stand some place in his heart.
Whether, I'm in there anot, it doesn't matter anymore.


I have a lot things to blog,
but I think it's wise,
to bottle up inside.
I'm sorry.


& goodbye.


I want everything work out for you.
I'll do anything to make this come true, anything.
Even, I wasn't in your heart anymore.
It doesn't matter anymore.

2:46:00 AM

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Sigh.

3:26:00 PM

Ha, don't worry.
The previous post,
was for a friend.
Someone whom knew me for years,
yet lying to me for years. Great.
You should know yourself,
thank you ah, my dear friend.


Blahhh, today working was crap.
I think I lost my strength.
After carrying a few times with a heavy tray,
I couldn't carry it any longer. =/
& I almost dropped my tray. =/
Luckily, I quickly collect the last one & went off.

& my left arm is hurting like crazy.
I strained my arm. =(
& I didn't eat for the whole day can !
Like I woke up at 2.30pm.
& I completely didn't eat at all & went for work.
Oh, how great can that be.


I deleted whatever things again.
I should learn not to think too much.
Just because I like him,
& I should trust things will work out, in a way.
But I'm still feeling, so weird.

& I want to bite something.
So roar roar roar. =/
& tomorrow, it's a weekend you know!
& today was a Good Friday.
When you had holiday for too long,
you don't know what day is what day anymore.
& that's happening to me now. =/

& Polytechnic life is starting soon. =/
What will it be like? =(
I'm so not looking forward to it you know!
I'm really really not. =(
Sigh. I just hate changes.
& I'm seriously, honestly mean it.

I'm working tomorrow.
Tragic. It's a weekend,
why am I forsaking my weekend,
on one pathetic pay job. =(
But, I'm all broke.
So, I should shut up. =/

& I had been sleeping really really late these days.
Just because of yadah yadah. =/
I don't feel like saying,
it's for me to know,
& not for you to find out.


If only, If only, If only.
Sigh.



Your words always kept me wondering.
Have you ever believed in me? =(
Why do my heart felt so painful,
after I got to know how you treated lnl. =(
Just a game? Sigh. =(
Toy ? Sigh. =(
I cried.


I cried so badly,
but do you even care.

2:15:00 AM

Friday, March 21, 2008

I don't know if I should get angry or upset.
But, why do it hurts so badly.

Thought you weren't the one to make me upset.
But, forget it. You should know what you did.
Don't try to pretend anymore.

Now, I don't even know if I should believe my intuition,
everything looks so wonderful, isn't it.
You made this up, didn't you?
If this is what you wanted,
you had made it.
I'm hurt.

I hope you tell me the truth one day,
& that day, I want to know the truth,
not the lies that sound true.
No matter what, truth hurts.
But living in lies, hurts more.
I aren't the type to like being keeping in dark,
it's either the truth, or not at all.

Please tell me that you didn't lie.
& please let it be true.
Thank you.

2:52:00 PM

Boy has a sleeping style that's damn cute. :D
NSK's so called - la sa gao. LOL!
Roar you! =/


Kerwin's Taz. :D
It's his birthday today. :D
Happy birthday ! =/
& I took this Taz,
just because, I find the face damn stupid.
Like it's trying to scare you. LOL!



& my long long hair.
Jiawen asked if I want to curl it. =/
& Chapter Two has promotion during April.
So, should I curl it or should I rebond it. =/


& I'm starting to love pony tail. LOL!
& I love my pony tail too. :D
I really can't bear to cut it,
but still I still have to. =(


&&, you hide it well.
Good job, don't think I don't know.
I aren't that stupid after all.
Decide for yourself,
what's right.

我已任命了。


I woke up at 3 plus today. :D
I have got nothing better to do,
& chatted with Esther throughout. :D
& then met Dickson at Grandlink.
We wanted to go for dinner,
& then Chit Hao saw me. :D

We chatted a lot a lot,
& I told him a lot a lot. :D
Damn nice~ I kept saying he is a chao ah beng. =/
Because, he's mixing with the bengs. =/

Blahhhh, met up with Shikai & Vincent for dinner.
Ate & back to the lanshop.
Played & played. =/
I kept losing~
Roar~

Home.



It's numb.
Give me the truth.


DIMTISL?
IWTKTT,
JBIDTL,
TMB,
WWS.
TMT.
Sigh.


Blahhhh, pretend.
Sigh. I hate you.



Got this from Caiwei's blog,
damn cute ! & I think it's true. LOL!

爱与恨只是一线之差。
今天可以很爱你，
明天可以很恨你.
今天你是个情人，
明天你是个王八蛋。

LOL!


Don't know if it's just my imagination.
But, it's just so alike.
& if it's real, that could answer my uncertainty.
But still, I hope that it was just imagination.


I was chatting with Shixiong,
& I told him a lot a lot.
He kept saying, slowly slowly. =(
But it's just too hard. =(
Till that day, I will try. =/


& yadah yadah, blahhh.
I'm working at 5pm later.
& I think I'm damn good,
I'm still not sleeping yet. =/
It's already 4.48am can !
Wahhhhhh, bored. =(

& my english is getting worst and worst,
Compared to the previous standard,
I think my current one is cannot make it. =/
After 'O' level, I'm starting to neglect everything,
my style of writing & verbs that I'm using. =/
It's all screwed up.
*Angry*

& people, stop reminding me of school,
I seriously, honestly, truly, madly, deeply wish school don't start. =/
So please please please & please, stop reminding me.
Roar you.

& blahhh, for no reason,
I'm Vincent's pet. -.-"
Just because, he named his pet in WOW as wanling.
Roar you. *Bite*


& everyone is playing WOW,
I'm starting to feel like playing it again.
I quited after awhile the previous time,
it's just because, nobody played with me. =(
& I can only played with myself & myself.
& brothers want me to help them level up.
So when you played all alone,
trying to figure out how to play all those.
It bored you~ & I quited.
Now, everyone's starting to play,
& my brother are playing the private server one. =/
How nice!

I want to find some game to play with my remaining days. =(
I want to try all the game that I haven't tried. =/
I shouldn't let this holiday been a meaningless one. =/

& the guys are going for blood donation. =/
I felt like going for it too,
but due to my lack of weight,
& I'm damn scare of needles.
I don't think I'm up to that challenge though. =/
Furthermore, I'm damn afraid of blood.
Yeah, even a small little blood, I do scare.
I had tried to overcome that fear,
but still, I can't. =/
& donating blood is like,
so much blood !


Been drifting from everyone,
oh well, what meant to be, will be.


& I really want to do something to my hair,
should I just go for CutCare first?
Just a haircut & treatment first?
Then decide whether I should rebond or curl. =/
Sigh, I'm so indecisive.
If I cut it, I might regret if I chose to curl. =/


& I want to start my life anew. =/
I want to change out of those bad habits,
I want to format my computer,
I want to change my blogskin.


& blahhhh,
I want to blog,
I have a lot of things to blog,
but, I think it's a too long post. =/
So I shall end here.


On a brighter note that I'm working tomorrow,
is that I can lose weight !! =DDDDD
2kg more. Go go go.
Burn that fats, burn it !


Alright, goodbye.



ISMYETUNKAINSK.
Sighed.

1:24:00 AM

Thursday, March 20, 2008

It's 6.30am now. =/
I still can't get to sleep. =(
Just chatted with him,
& he's sleeping now. =D
But, I still can't get to sleep. -.-"

&& my house had mouse/hamster/rat.
I don't know what's it.
Initially, I thought it was a rat,
but rat doesn't look like that,
& it ran damn fast & it's so small.
So I assumed it's a hamster.
But again, why do so many hamsters appeared,
& I sweared, it's the second time I saw it.
Mum saw them many many times,
& she told me there's different colours one,
there's big one & small one. =/
Scary mouse/hamster/rat. =/
Whatever~

I'm feeling really weird now.
My stomach is so upset. =(
That idiot sushi's fault. =(

I'm feeling so, argh~ =(
Roar you.
I will try to sleep.


Goodnight.

6:27:00 AM

I love number 13. :D
Don't care how they say that 13,
is so so so unlucky day or what so ever,
I just love it to bits. :DD

& the tags had a story.
A very very lame one,
& I kept laughing over it.
So crap~ I still love 13. :D

13 April, here I come. :D
25 days to my sweet seventeen.
& 25 days to ... Roar you.
LOL!

I'm working on this Friday & Saturday.
& the timing is such a late one. =(
5pm you know !!
I wanted the 10am slot !~ =(

& blahh, I had booked next week,
I'm taking most of the days next week.
I'm so going to be a workaholic.
& I needed money!
School is starting.
Oh shit~ =/

I guess, I'm going to work as much as I can,
I don't want to be poor when school starts you see.
So yeah, & I don't know if mum is still giving me allowance.
I guess, she isn't giving me then, oh well~
Anyway, I can survive on my own.
Perhaps, I will work during the weekend. :D


Been playing Viwawa lately,
& the people there are weird.
It's like, they will ask you for your MSN.
& of course, I rejected.
I don't like making friends online. =/
I just don't ~ & I don't understand,
why guys like to make friends online.
Like you don't get to see the face,
& you don't get to know the character.
So, why make friends online !?

One guy insisted,
& I kept insisted him to add my Viwawa then. xD!
I don't care don't care don't care. =/
Don't know just don't add~ =/

And, everyone had gotten their laptop.
I'm damn damn damn dead.
Like, I don't know if I do need it at all?
Even if I need it, which brand should I get?
& what model should I get?
I know nuts about laptop.
Tell me about desktop,
I knew more. =D
But, not for laptop please. =(
I only like to go for outlooks,
but what for getting a good outlook,
with a bad functionaility. =/

I felt stupid now. =/
All of a sudden,
I think I had gone stupid.
Aww~ Whatever then.
Don't care. =/

I have a bad feeling..
Sigh, never mind.

School is starting soon.
Sigh, will everything change?

& blahhhhh, today woke up early in the morning.
Couldn't get to sleep anymore. =/
& my right eye was swollen. =(
However, it got better. :D

Raymond came to my house,
I think he waited very long, =/
cause I was really lazy,
& I kept dragging & dragging the time. =/
Sorry Raymond. :DDD

& then, we headed to lanshop. :D
Played Hero Seige & halfway,
we got bored. =/
I mean, it was seriously bored.
Initially, for the first few times,
I played so excitedly,
now, it's just boring me. =/

Blahhh, in the end I played MSN again. LOL!
Luckily, they don't read my blog,
if not they will start saying that,
my house doesn't have MSN. LOL!

& then, played Viwawa. :D
& then, slacked at bubble tea shop.
& home. =/

Mingfei called,
& they were asking me to go for night cycling.
Sorry yeah, didn't go for it. =D
Hope you guys enjoyed ah !

& Kimpeng,
fishy huhhhhhhh~ xD

Home early today. =(
I'm so not used to coming home early.
But it was great, because mum slept early.
So there wasn't any difference. =/
Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

& byebyebye.
I think I have nothing to blog anymore. =/
My stomach is aching. =/
Must be the Salmon & whatever sushi. =/
Sigh, shouldn't have been so greedy. =/

& I miss Smelly Toufu. =(


It's going to be damn crazy next week,
a week full of working. =/
& this Saturday, Yiting & gang are joining me for work.
This is so great. :DDDD Fun!
I hope everyone works with me. =(


& blah, goodnight then. =/
I really run out of things to write. =/
My life is just so oh, exciting, not. =/
4.30am now.
Okay bye.

12:42:00 AM

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I dreamt of something this morning,
& he is in the dream. -.-"~



& blahblahblah,
it's raining again.
I'm feeling so lazy.



& my eye is not feeling well. =(
Don't know why, it seemed swollen. =(
I hope it's fine later,
because I need to go out !


& Jiayi is not replying me,
so are we still going for chalet anot. =(
I hope Kimpeng & Mingfei don't kill me. =/
Roar you two. :D


& blahblahblah,
I'm going out.
Goodbye.

2:35:00 PM

I'm feeling so roar roar roar.
Let this period be past quickly.
I want to do a lot a lot things,
& not to let my mind wander anymore.

I don't know why,
At times, he always find me at the right time,
which I'm really glad. :D

You know sometimes,
bad thought kills.
I almost gave it up.
& I was damn upset.
& luckily he SMSed me. :D

Sorry, I love no others,
except him. It's the fact.
Sorry, I can't change that.

You're the one that could cheer me up,
You're the one that could make me upset.
Just one simple message,
makes me smile.
I'm so easily contented. -.-"

& blah, you know why I love the wee hours?
Because the wind, the air are so great.
I felt like taking a scroll at this time,
but nobody to accompany me. =(

That pig didn't reply anymore,
must be he's speechless. LOL~
Oh well~ Like finally,
everytime, I lose him in such shootings,
& I'm always the one being the speechless one. =/
Or or, maybe he's busy singing~ LOL!
Oh well~

It's 4.30am.
Bored~
I think,
I can never tune back,
the sleeping time that a normal human has. =/

I'm insane.

& Benson, whom I knew since three years ago,
we haven't been contacting for years,
& then he suddenly message me the other day.
LOL! But, I found it too weird,
I didn't reply. =/
Sorry, friend.


& goodnight



You & I, that unrequited love.
The secret untold.

3:13:00 AM

*Fainted*

My Date with Vampire II,
cannot be finished at all.
Because they are speaking Cantonese. =(
I don't understand at all. =(
Roar you all ~


Why no mandarin version,
or rather no chinese subtitles?
Dead, bored. =(


Will everything end?
I hope not.

1:50:00 AM

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

[Edited]

I bought loads of things today.
& blahh, cannot stand my spendthrift habit.
I only walked one of the lane of Bugis Street.
I already bought two top.
& then after I went up to the second floor,
I bought another bag.
& then I wanted to get many many things,
but I must control my spending habit. =/
& yadah, NSK called. :DD
but we only chatted for a few seconds. =(

& my last month's local calls went up 1165 minutes. =D
But it's all waived off, since it's incoming. :D
&, blahhhh, I wondered how many minutes he had. =/

Yadah, chatted with NSK last night.
He always forced me to say anything. =/
& I said I will tell him next time,
then he said that he will then call me next time then.
So sucker can~ Sad-ed. Sigh.
Don't know if he had found another one,
to accompany him through his nights. =(
Sighed.

Sigh. If only you know how these feel. =(
Blahhhhh! & bye. :D
Working soon. =(
I'm dragging. =(


Sometimes, I know you care for your friends,
but, think about me too, I have feelings too.
You treated me so coldly, because of your friends.
You don't want them to get upset, so how about me?

I understand where you are driving about,
I understand where you stands,
I understand your problems,
I understand it was hard on you.
I understand that you don't want to involve in it.

But sometimes, just spare me a thought,
just a thought will do. Will you?
At least, tell me what happened,
& not keep quiet about it,
& then treat me invisible,
treat me as nothing.

I have so many things to tell you,
but I always ended speechless.

& I'm so sorry,
for causing you so much troubles.
Maybe disappearing from your life,
will be a better thing for you.
Maybe I had cared too much for you.
Maybe I had caused too much troubles for you.
I'm really sorry.
I love you.

真的好难放手
我不想忘记你

I want to be the girl to walk with you through your darkest time.
I want to be the girl that you trust always.

But there's one thing hindering me,
one truth that I never know at all.

Now, I understood.
When a girl liked a guy,
so many unneccessary thoughts come across.
Just because, we girls love the guys. =(
But, I doubt mine was the unneccessary one,
I don't know.

I miss your late night calls. =(
& most of all, I miss you.

1:29:00 PM

I just felt like blogging.
Hello. Hello. Hello.

I don't know what I'm thinking,
moodswing is driving me crazy.
Awhile, I'm pissed off.
And another while, I'm happy.
And then another while, I'm upset.
Walaooooooooo~

I think, this is not the right time,
to come & disturb me & pissed me off. =/
Because I'm getting pissed off so easily. =/
& I'm getting emo so easily.
Like what the hell,
it's just aren't me.
Roar you.

If you knew me well,
you know I won't get affected so easily.
I won't get pissed off so easily.
But now, I don't understand,
why I'm pissing off so easily.
Roar myself. -.-"

Alright alright,
time to off the computer. =(
I shall do some rotting~ =(
& I miss you. =(

1:31:00 AM

Monday, March 17, 2008

You never know how hard,
you never know how hurting,
& you never know how much pain,
because you weren't me.

& now, all I heard,
was things about you.
I trusted you.
I just want to believe in you.
But sometimes,
you're the one that make me think so much,
when I needed assurance, you wasn't there.

Sometimes, I was wondering,
if you were joking at all.
You should know,
your words hurt at times.
But I was fine with it,
because I had learnt to.

Don't say things,
that you don't mean to at all.
I only wants to believe the truth,
not the lies.

& I believe in you,
because I know,
you'll never lie.
But sometimes,
I really needed assurance.

Do you still care?

I still don't understand why.
You say you have your reason.
But your reason kept me in doubt,
why you must say yes?

You no longer calls anymore. =(
You no longer talk to me nicely anymore. =(
Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

The closer I seem to get,
the further you seem to go.
I miss you.

No matter what,
I will be fine,
because I know,
I don't want to be a burden to him.


So goodbye.


I will learn.


I logged off from MSN.
I don't want to be online. =(
I will be fine fine fine !
Roar you.

Serious moodswing. =(
I hate time of the month. =(

10:58:00 PM

Bored. =(
Bahhhh~
Blahhhh~

Sigh, got to know a lot a lot things.
Felt so so so sighed. =(
Forget it.


Goodbye.

9:05:00 PM

Sunday, March 16, 2008

就让这最后的笑容，
敷衍了我们之间心痛的暧昧。


After talking to Shixiong,
I cried even more badly. =(
I never chose to fall in love.
Yes, love is crap.
Because it hurts.

到底这些心痛是为了谁啊?
就算有那么的心痛，
你也都不会明白。

I'm fine.
I'm alright.
Don't worry.

& I'm really sorry to you.
每个人只有一颗心，
所以只能爱一个人。
而我的已经爱上了一个不爱我的人。
就算心碎了，我也不曾后悔。
所以还是，对不起。

I had finished watching Why Why Love.
It's a happy happy ending.
But it's damn touching. =/
When you're met with troubles,
your family are the only one to be there.


& I'm so damn touched by what Chuang Yi did for Chen Lin.
So damn damn damn damn sweet please.
He's just so gentleman can can !
& he's damn cute too !

&& last one,
I miss NSK.
Roar you.

It's 28 days to my birthday. :D
Though looking forward,
yet not looking forward anymore. =/
I don't know how will I spend that day. =(
I hope he still remember. =(
& that's the day,
something that I know myself.

I need to do a trip down to Temasek Polytechnic tomorrow.
& then, I'll be meeting Dickson since he lived so near. :D
& then perhaps, head down for lan. :D
& maybe I'll join the others for movie. :D
My Rule #01 ! But I'm quite lazy to travel here & there.
So, maybe I'll see how. :D

& I miss Weijing & Shanyuan.
It's been so long since I saw them.
Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
& they had a new dog. =D
But it's named, Angel.
*Grumble* Roar you.
LOL!!!

& yadah yadah, blahblah.
I want to go work.
I don't like the time when it's his holiday.
I just don't know why, things always seemed different.
But I don't blame him, it takes two hands to clap.
So, I shouldn't be so insecure.

& I'm working on Friday & Saturday. :D
Yeah, it's only two days. :D
But it's enough to kill me.
& I'm bringing Yiting & gang for interview !
I'm so excited that there're more people to work with me. :D
You know, they're just loved. :D

& there's Kahbeng's chalet this Wednesday.
& there's Kimpeng's chalet next week.
It's just so nice that, I have so many chalet these weeks. =/
Initially, I wanted to have chalet for my birthday,
but I'm too lazy to organise one. =/



You know, I found out blogs,
it's like I write everything in,
& then everyone knows what I'm thinking.
Initially, I think it was a good place to vent myself,
but after when you grow up, you found that,
it's not everything that you can vent your anger, frustation, tears on.
Especially, when people will start to give you doubts after reading.

Each time, when I blog something,
I'm so afraid that things will change after blogging it,
so I deleted everything, not even a trace of it.

Now, I've understood that,
there's a lot things in life,
that you have to learn.
You aren't living by yourself,
there are many people around you.
No matter what, you still have to think of others.

Sometimes, people just looking for a little concern,
not just some cold words from you.
Everyone has their own problems,
you aren't the only one.

Sometimes, I met with many problems,
but I don't say, cause I don't want people to worry.
When bottling up is no longer a good choice,
I will turn to crying.

After all, after crying, I will be fine.
& I had learnt to be independent.
I knew there won't be anyone to tell me it's alright,
I knew there won't be anyone to dry those tears.
So, I can only rely on myself & myself now.
It's alright, because I know that's life.

Everyone wants to live for themselves,
everyone wants to be selfish,
that's the only way a person survive,
in this cruel reality isn't it?

Don't expect too much,
so that you won't raise your disappointment.
& I'm glad, you guys turn to me.
Thank you.

Some decisions,
you can only make for yourself.
Whether right or wrong,
don't regret upon that action.

No matter how people tell you,
no matter how people advises you,
you're the only one deciding for yourself,
what's best for you.

Even if you know,
there's nothing better,
& you still want to go ahead with the decision,
just remember, don't leave regrets.

In this life, it's short.
Whether you had it or not,
once you have it, don't lose it.
Cherish it & treasure it.

Many people never know how to treasure something,
only after they lose it, they had learnt it the hard way.
Be it something, or friendship, or relationship,
treasure it.

I knew myself, nothing last long.
So when I still have it, I want things to be the same,
I'll do anything to let things be the same, anything.


Alright, goodbye.



You're the only one,
who could make these fears go away.

9:24:00 PM

I felt like crying. ='(
Everyday waits for his call,
& these days, he's so busy. =(
Yes, busy with his game. =(
But it's alright, I still love him.
Love you.

6:33:00 PM

I deleted everything.
I just miss you.

5:16:00 PM

Hello.
I'm not not not in the mood at all.
I just felt like roaring. =(

怎么感觉，好像回到原点。

Roar roar roar.
I want to go out. =(
But everyone don't want to go out.
Sigh, drifted apart. =(
It's alright, never mind.

I don't feel like blogging anymore.
Bye.

3:37:00 PM

I'm feeling so damn sigh.
It's the time of the month.
Moodswing again. =/

I've stayed at home the whole day.
& then went to join Dickson for lan at night.
Played our Hero Seige or what so ever.
Damn exciting ahhhhhh~
Just that, I played till I went bored at the end.

& yadah, was sms-ing with Shixiong,
after telling him the reason,
I cried. -.-"

Sigh, I'm feeling so emo. =/
Must be PMS. Sigh.
You know sometime,
it's just gets me so upset.
Although we're fine now,
but sometime, his coldness is killing me.
I don't even know how to describe this feeling.
Sigh. & now, that irritating insecurity is coming back.

At times, I still wonder,
if you still cares at all.
All the things you used to say,
do you even still remember?
I do ponder, I do wonder.

Little actions prove something,
but in yours, I couldn't find it.
Maybe I really don't matter to you anymore.
& maybe not at all from the start.

I have so many questions suddenly,
knowing that you won't want to bother,
I weren't want to ask about it anymore.

I hope this periods will go pass smoothly,
I don't want to keep thinking about it.
It's killing me inside.
I'm just afraid of losing him.
It's the paranoid, it's the fear.
Sigh, but from the start,
I never really have him.
Maybe, i'm just really so afraid that,
things will end & then things will never be the same again.

I'm sorry.
ILY, my dear.


I'm having a very very bad cramps now.
It's so so so damn painful right now.
Sigh, I really cannot take it anymore.
Goodbye.




Loving you was my favourite mistake.
& I never want to be right again.

12:42:00 AM

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Hello,
I'm here to blog again. :D
I think I'm great at taking candid photos. :D



Cover up his mouth,
Cover up his nose,
Oh my goodness,
Shuai right !! LOL!
I sweared it's a candid shot.
Bai, don't be upset. :D
Cheer up. :D
I've sent you your shuai shuai photo.
So you better be happy. LOL!

These photos are pretty old. =/
I'm just super lazy to upload to the computer.
So yeah, anyone needs photo,
tell me alright. :D



Yadah, woke up & chatted with NSK. :D
Blahhhhhh, we got tons of crap.
& he was damn damn cute,
I started to ponder how many chinese words he knew,
so I said, he only knew up to 100 chinese words.
Then he said, he will definitely knew more than that.
& he started listing all the colours, blahblahblah,
Damn cute alright. =/ Like talking to a kindergarden kid.
& we were talking about kindergarden,
so he started with his stupid sayings again.
He's just damn cute can. LOL!


Blahhhhhhh, Yiting & gang are joining me for Oriental. :D
This is so so so damn exciting !
& I had booked two days to work.
I'll see money. :DDDD
& then, I'll shopping. :D


I wrote a long long post,
& then I pressed something wrongly,
all gone now. =/

So yadah, lanshop today.
Dickson spilled Taro.
& my first reaction was,
stunned & stood there. -.-"
Normally, I will do something,
but today, I stunned & stood there. -.-"
Retarded please !!

So blahh, played Viwawa,
that's the time when I saw Liwei.
& we started with all the nonsense.

After that, played some Frozen Throne game
& I think it's damn damn fun. :D
I'm starting to love Lina Slayer. :D
& it was so exciting that I played till I forget time,
so yeah, reached home at 12am or so.

Home & watched Why Why Love,
my Why Why Love is currently loading.
So, I have to keep wait wait wait. =(
I'm finishing the series soon. :D
& then I will continue with my A Date with Vampire. :D

& blah, I haven't do any of my Polytechnic Entry Application,
I'm so damn damn pathetic right now. =/
Died, dead, gone~

Mum is so noisy,
till I want to die.
Cannot take it.
Kill me kill me kill me!
Roar !

I'm left with one month,
can't Mum just give me a moment of peace?
Really, damn, irritating looooo~
Never mind, I will tolerate~
I don't want to go home. =(

I shall blog tomorrow.
Goodbye.

12:34:00 AM

Friday, March 14, 2008

What the hell!
You know what,
these days, I kept seeing Liwei !
I saw him in IT show,
& then in game,
I also saw him. -.-"

He was using Reign as his nick for the game,
& I was thinking, if it's Liwei, since he used this name before.
But I didn't choose to ask him, cause anyone can use this name.
In the end, he asked if I'm from Manjusri.

Reignn: Ling from Manjusri?
wanlingx: Ya, you know me?
Reignn: WTH, SBM?
wanlingx: Oh my goodness, you Liwei ah!
Reignn: WTH, no, wei li.
Reignn: Eat grass lah you.
We: WTHHHHH!!!

Like, I don't expect Liwei will play Sushido you know !
Oh my goodness, totally just not like him.
*laugh laugh laugh*

This is such a small world,
even cyberworld, it's just too small. -.-"
Like really loooo, what the heaven.



Alright, lan-ing now.
I'm so bored till I played Sushido. -.-"
Bye~

9:29:00 PM

The hidden agendas


& I love my phone,
this is the effect made from the phone,
I didn't do any photoshop anymore. :D

Hello. I'm using the laptop to blog.
I kept changing computer.
Initially, I was using my computer,
& then brother wanted to rest early,
so I went to use his computer,
& then he want me to change to the laptop.
Roar.

I wrote a long long post again,
but I deleted everything again.
I don't want to cause unhappiness to arise.
So yadah, I'll have to blog with mindfulness.
Sigh, this is so not like me. -.-"

& I've took my passport size photo.
I think it looked terrible. =/
It's like, so oh my goodness.
Roar you.

& I haven't settle my polytechnic entry.
Shitty shit shit shit shit shit~

& NSK is officially on holiday now.
& I'm having holidays still.
We're on holiday. LOL!
But still, I'm having school soon.
No, please no please no. =(

& I want to cut my hair.
I want to reformat my computer.
I want to finish up my Polytechnic Entry.
I want to go shopping.
I want to watch horror shows.
I want to do so many things. =/
& I felt like perming my hair !

& Mike He in Why Why Love was damn cute can,
The way he wants Yang Chen Lin to be his girlfriend,
& the way he made her misunderstood him.
Damn cute can!~

& I'm being random here,
I want to eat Hokkien Mee.
I want to eat Smelly Toufu.
Roar.

That pig go sleep already.
& I'm still watching Why Why Love. =/
Alright alright, time to sleep then.
Nighty night.

& I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow,
because I really really really don't know what to do tomorrow. =/
Roar roar roar, & still roar all of you. =/
Cut hair? Shopping? Lazy. =(


Okay bye.



I just want all these to go on,
for as long as we can.

12:04:00 AM

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Hello. :D
Boo!~





Lan-ing now. :D













Goodbye.

9:57:00 PM

Hello.

It's 5am now,
& I'm here blogging.
How nice~ =(

I just finished my Why Why Love episode 9. =/
I can't wait to watch the next episode.
But it's already 5am.
& I still have to take passport photo tomorrow,
I don't want to have dark eyes circle there. =/
I wonder, can passport photo allow make up though ? =/

That pig is out now. =(
Nobody to talk to me. =/
LOL!~

Blahblahblah
& still, blahblahblahblah.
& then, blahblahblahblahblah.
That's why, blahblahblahblahblah.
& yadah, still blahblahblahblahblah.
I'm starting my blabbering again. Oh crap.

I think I'm insane.
Must be lack of sleep. =/
I wanted to do some reflection,
but I went to watch Why Why Love. =/
So yadah, blah. Today is such a meaningless day.

Alright,
goodnight then.
Or rather, good morning. :D


You're missed.


& I felt like roaring.
Roar. =/
& I'm so evil,
I disturbed boyboy while he was sleeping.
& now, he did the cutest thing ever,
He covered his face with his two paws.
So cute can !


Roar. :D
Goodbye.

5:04:00 AM

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

BOO!

Bored, bored.
I've been staying home for the whole day.
But I regretted for staying home now,
but well, I shan't say more about it.
I'll try to go out everyday from today onwards.
Cannot take it~

& I think I will work next week.
I need to be out early,
& be home late!
But I'll miss NSK the most,
since I won't get to talk to him in the afternoon.
Sigh, I'm kind of don't feel like working again. =(
Let's see first then. =(

Blahblahblah.
I have nothing to blog. =(
I'm feeling so roar roar roar.
& yesterday was crap.
I was chatting with NSK.
Mum came in to scold. =/
Roar roar roar.

I found it so stupid.
Like NSK heard everything. =/
Ahhhhh, so stupid !~ =/
Roar you.

In the end, I still can't sleep.
& I went to on my brother's computer,
& chatted with that pig online. =(
While chatting, I went to watch my Why Why Love too. :D

& I had ordered online clothes till it cost a bomb. -.-"
You know, everything just looked so nice. =/
& I'm so lazy to go out shopping now.
So decided to go online shopping as my last resort to give my wardrobe a change.
But hell, I went out of control, & blah. =/
Never mind, I really have to work now. =(

It's been raining the whole day. =(
& I forgotten all about my JAE's application.
I have to get it done as soon as possible.
But I don't want to talk to my dad & mum today.
Roar them. =/ Angry~ LOL!

& I haven't take my passport size photo.
I have to get it done by tomorrow then.
Then I'll go down to lanshop to accompany that Dickson.
Since I didn't go today, & it was a tragic at home.
So it's better to go out then. :DD

& yeah, I know a lot people cares.
I know but you aren't me,
that's why you won't understand.
Wait till the day, you experience it yourself,
you will then understand.

& that's why, I don't like people to spread things.
Because, each & everyone has their own thinking.
& when one tells another how they felt,
the matter in their eyes get worst.

I have my doubts in his friend.
& because I understand him,
I trusted his words.
If I don't, I would have hate him a long time ago.
I would have let go long ago.

If he bothered to explain, I will take it.
What for seeking for an explanation,
if I, myself don't trust it?
If he wanted to lie, time will show.

I don't know how long the road will be.
For as long as I care, I'll make an effort.
However, it still takes two hands to clap.
Time will show everything, really.

People judge, this is one human nature.
I don't blame anyone.
I've learnt a lot after everything.
My expectation in life, won't get higher.
Because when your expectation get high,
your disappointment will tends to increase.

希望越大， 失望越大。
没有希望，就没有失望。

The more obstacles you come across,
the more things you will learn.
On a brighter note, through everything,
I learnt so much that I've understood life.

A random thought,
I felt like perming my hair. =/
Should I?

& blahblahblah,
I think I have a lot friends turning prettier.
Why aren't I turning prettier. =(
Oh crap. LOL!

I want to be slimmer,
I want to have no fat cheeks,
I want to have sharp sharp nose,
I want to have big big eyes.
I hope I was borned like that. =(

Aha, I'm so bored. =(
Roar you~

& I have craving for my,
Korean Maggie Mee. LOL!
&& I want go out shopping!
You know, girls never stop buying things. =/

& I love my handphone. :D
Bahhhh, Mum is so noisy.
Kill me please.

He's having holidays soon. =/
The previous time, when he had holidays,
were tragic for me. =/
I hope this time, it won't. =(

I felt something wrong in me.
I need a serious reflection tonight.
Sigh. =(

I'm going out to use my brother's computer now. :D
Why Why Love is loved. :D
& since that NSK is out for some birthday sort of thing,
I'm so going to watch Why Why Love through the night then. LOL!


If only, if only, if only.


Love you, my dear.



You're my obession,
just you.

9:50:00 PM

Roar.
I want to watch Rule #1 also ! =(
Initially, I wanted to catch it at Bugis. :D
But but, they don't have the show.
Damn you! =(

So yadah, I slept for 4 hours.
& I have to go for piano.
I was not in the mood at all.
While playing, my mind went haywired.
& I kept playing till I played another song. -.-"

After piano, saw the missed call from him.
Return the call, & yadahhhhhhh.
I knew I was still upset.
But I didn't want to speak a word over it. =/

Next, changed & went out for a check up. :D
I waited very very very long. =(
I had craving for Hokkien Mee.
But I couldn't find it anywhere. =(


Blahhh, watched Water Horse at Bugis then.
I was damn tired please please please. =/
& yadah, had a missed call from NSK.
Mixed feeling.

Home, return him a call.
Blahhhhhhh, talked to Madeline.
I think she understands the most. :D
& she supports me the most. :DD
LOVES!!

Sorted stuffs with NSK.
The same incident happened the second time.
I was right to leave a little trust hanging there.
& I was right that I didn't sentence him to death upon hearing.
When I completely lost my trust in someone.
I weren't even bothered to clarify & seek the truth anymore.
Because I know, I don't believe him/her anymore,
& that's no point trying to get the answer.
Because it just don't matter anymore.
& I'll leave straight.

As for him, I have that little glimpse of hope,
hoping that it was the otherwise.
& I think, only Madeline understands.
Only she knew how does it all felt. :D

I was glad. I did not choose to ignore.
I was glad that he said things related, & that's why I asked.
If not, I really don't know how should I ask him. =(

However, this means my intuition was wrong. LOL!
Aww~ Oh well, at least everything is fine now.
& I'm perfectly fine. :D

He's still loved.
Blah~ :D

& yadah,
after this incident,
I've learnt not to judge too early.
Sometime, it's just way too early to judge.

Lesson learnt. :D


Alright. :D
Goodnight,
off for my Why Why Love. :D

2:35:00 AM

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I wished to ask everything.
I wished to know everything.
But yet afraid that, things will end.
The fear of losing had been so tightening me down.

I'm just so afraid to ask.
I don't even dare to speak a word about it.
How do I stop these tears from dropping?

Who is the truthful one?
Kill me please.

5:59:00 AM

I can't sleep at all.
It's already 5.30am.
I have piano lesson tomorrow.
& I still have to go for check up tomorrow.

Sigh, I really don't know how.
Who was the one speaking the truth?
I really really don't know.



到底这些眼泪要为你流几次？
我的眼泪，你真的无所谓吗？
也许，真的无所谓。

5:22:00 AM

I've changed my song.
I don't know how everything is right now.
I'm feeling really mixed up.
I'm feeling terrible.
Yet, I have to act everything was alright.
Yet, I have to pretend that I'm fine.

I guess, I will choose to go & work next week.
I don't want to stay home & let my mind go wild.
I know it hurts really badly.
So badly that I don't know how to handle.
I don't know who to trust at all, really.
None of them makes sense to me now, none.

I always want things to stay simple,
I don't like to involve in things that are complicated.

I have no mood to chat online.
I have no mood to blog.
I have no mood to do anything.
Just nothing.

I'm tired.



故事最后 会有哪些情节 可以当纪念
曾经你说 要最疼我 要最想我 每天每天
在你身后 感觉就像 一条透明的抛物线
当它下罪 再美的童话也会失去感觉

睡美人想着谁想到失眠
空荡荡是你给我的堡垒
我不说只希望你能了解
就算没有王子 想你在身边

睡美人想什么想到失眠
我愿意 拥有公主的眼泪
安静的等着你每一夜
喜欢就是这样 酸酸甜甜 的滋味

在你身后 感觉就像 一条透明的抛物线
当它下罪 再美的童话也会失去感觉

睡美人想着谁想到失眠
空荡荡是你给我的堡垒
我不说只希望你能了解
就算没有王子 想你在身边
睡美人想什么想到失眠
我愿意 拥有公主的眼泪
安静的等着你每一夜
喜欢就是这样 酸酸甜甜 的滋味 Ho Woo

睡美人想着谁想到失眠
空荡荡是你给我的堡垒
我不说只希望你能了解
就算没有王子 想你在身边

睡美人想什么想到失眠
我愿意 拥有公主的眼泪
安静的等着你每一夜
喜欢就是这样 酸酸甜甜 的滋味

4:55:00 AM

Monday, March 10, 2008

Hello. :D
I have not settle my Polytechnic Entry Application yet.
& I really really don't know how the hell am I supposed to do it.
I mean the whole damn thing is so damn long.
I need to know the Giro & stuffs.
How the hell do I know. =(

& blah,
supposed to go for check up today.
But Amanda didn't manage to contact the clinic.
So yeah, we postpone it to tomorrow. :D



& I just read Xinyi's blog.
She said that it's needed to poke needle.
My goodness, can we don't take injection. =(



Blah, I'm at Shikai's lanshop right now.
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
I was wondering when should I cut my hair.
It's getting a little irritating though,
since it's far too long.
& that Liangjian kept asking me to cut it.
Like having so long hair, is a crime. LOL!



While chatting with Kianchong just now,
Shikai & Vincent kept disturbing. LOL!
& that Kianchong kept saying something & laughed.
Xiaobai, you know I know. =/


yadah, was quite unhappy for the day.
Nothing much, just some crap stuffs.
Been reflecting after hearing somethings.
I'm glad someone still cares.
Though, I really hardly trusted people now.
& after seeing those, & listening to those,
I think, I should let this made unknown. :D
Call me when you see this. :DDD


Blahh~ After lan, it was still so early.
So, we walked around grandlink,
& then Vincent & I walked towards to Singapore Post.
After reaching, we decided to walk to Aljunied. :D
& then on the way, we kept talking.

& then home.
On the train,
called Liangjian, & cried. -.-"
After reaching home,
called Hangqi, & cried again. -.-"
Ended up, he cried too. =.="
I'm sorry !



There were so many things going through my mind.
So many lies, so many tears.
But, what's the point?
So what if I'm hurt.
I don't think anyone cares.

Because I found the troubles myself.
I got myself all wounded.
Despite all the advises,
& all the reminders given,
I didn't take any.
Not even one.

I trusted everything,
& not my intuition.
& now, it's my fault again.
It's the second time,
so sad but true.

I hope everything was a dream,
& once I woke up, everything is back to where it is.
Where everything was still perfect in my eyes.
Where everything was still what it seemed to be.
But I know, it's the reality.

I'm just naive.
I'm just innocent.
I'm just everything that was a pathetic girl.

Call me stupid,
call me dumb.
& now, I'm all numb.

I just couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
I just couldn't get myself to sleep.
I just couldn't do anything that I want right now.

I'm wrong from the start.
From the very start,
everything was just a dream,
just an illusion which I never knew.

I was just an option.
Just another damn option.
I knew nothing, nothing at all.

It was so hard to believe that,
this was the reality,
& it was the fact.

I thought everything was real,
& now I found out everything was surreal.
Never had I believe that,
this will come from you.
Because, I trusted it all,
& now I lost it all.

Don't you even have any guilty conscience?
Why can you still be so 无所谓？
I'm tired. I've tried too hard.
& now, it's time to give it all up.

I believe, tears will stop.
I believe, impermenant.
I'm fine.
I lied.


My mind isn't functioning again.
So I should stop here.
Things happened for a reason.
It's just my karma.
I'm sorry.

I have learnt to resign to my fate.
Say all you want, I'm that pathetic after all.
I'm that loser after all. I'm just that stupid after all.


Goodbye.

5:12:00 PM

Sunday, March 09, 2008

After Kaiwen wanted to show off his LV wallet to me,
I just realised, I haven't use my Guess wallet too. -.-"
Like, I totally forgotten all about it already. -.-"

& blahhhhhh,
I'm finishing my A date with Vampire II soon. :D
& I saw many many people again. :D
There was once, when a guy walked up to me,
& he asked, " You remember me ? "
Then, I shaked head. =/
Damn embarrassing!
Like people remember you,
& you don't remember him !
Walaoooooo right ~ =/

In the end, he told me he is Htike Soe. :D
So so so so long since I met him,
& I didn't realise that, he still remember me. =D
& I saw Liwei & Cherng Shing. :D
Keng Boon came too ! :D
Rainer papa came too !
Shikai & Vincent came too ! =D
But the Htike Soe one,
I still find it really embarrassing. =/
Like, really looooooo~ -.-"

Rainer papa came down to look for laptop & me ! :D
It's been so long since I saw his dad too. :D
& John told Kengboon that I was there,
& he came to find me. :D So nice !

& I was day-dreaming,
when Shikai shouted his oi. -.-"
& I got shocked since I was day-dreaming halfway. -.-"
I expected he won't come. =/
Though he said that he will go, but still,
he will always have a last minute change of plan.
So yeah, I'm also rather shock.
After he left, Vincent shouted another oi. -.-"
& his oi came when I was about to go day-dreaming again.
Roar.

Sharol had her boyfriend's precious lunch.
She had sushi for lunch,
while we had shit for lunch.

I told you, I never had such a bad meal before.
The food sucks like hell ~
I never like to waste food,
but this time round, I think I wasted so much food.
It's really really super duper disgusting can~
*Admired Sharol* LOL!

& I was at another booth,
so Yong Xuan was beside me.
& I wasn't bothered about him the whole day.
So he kept complaining that,
I have been watching my show the whole day,
& nobody talks to him. LOL!
Awww~ So poor thing.
But too bad. LOL!

At night, Tiffany & Fiona wanted to watch Dawn of the Dead.
& the four of us including Yong Xuan, was standing there watching.
There was so many many gross part! My goodness.

After everything ends, I went to rest.
My legs hurt like hell. =(
It's been 3 days of standing.
& I never been so tired before. =(
Met up with Mao, & chatted. :D
& then Mao left for movies,
while Lionel came to meet me. :D
& we walked back to Bugis. LOL!
While walking back to Bugis, we wanted to eat.
So, we kept finding places to eat,
but everywhere was closing. =(
& my legs hurt like hell. =(

Ate. Home. :D
I'm so tired now.
One more day to endure.






I thought you guys were my close friends.
I thought you guys were trustable.
But all I know right now is that,
I've lost my trust.
I'm sorry to say that,
but it's true.

I will learn to depend on myself.
& I will learn to defend for myself.
I never thought things would end up this way.
So sad but true, truth hurts & reality do bites.
Thank you for allowing me to learn it the hard way.

If you are guilty of betraying me,
good for you. & thank you for everything.
May you be well & happy.
I'm utterly disappointed.





I don't know why,
but I felt so upset. =(
Maybe it was an illusion from the start.

12:32:00 AM

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Hello,
atrocious day. =(

Yeah, saw many many people again.
& Dickson came. :DDD
I was supposed to go for some flyers stuff before that,
& after we walked towards the bridge,
they called us to go back to the booth again. LOL!
& I saw Big Ryan. :DD

Blahh, I had been busy watching A date with Vampire II.
At the end of the IT show, I replaced Tiffany at another Mio TV.
& I made many many friends over there. :D
I had great time chatting with the Song Xuan.
I had great time disturbing Tiffany & Ellis. xD
& I had great time disturbing my customers. LOL!
Not that I purposely do that, but it's just that,
I was too tired, & so I went hyper. -.-"
Contradicting, but well,
that's me though. =/
I don't understand too. LOL!

So, I did a lot a lot of stupid things,
which caused Tiffany to laugh like hell.
After that, I kept quiet to watch my drama,
& Song Xuan kept disturbing me.
& I heck care him. LOL!
Initially, they say I was noisy,
then when I kept quiet,
they come find troubles. LOL!

Next IT show, I want to work for Sony.
Whoever has the job, please please please tell me. :D
I think Sony rocks. :DDDD

& I survived the second day. :D
Two more days to go.

Oh ya, met Dickson & sneaked up to 6th floor. :D
I went to find Kianchong & we started looking for Logitech.
The place was so so so big, and there's only one shop selling Logitech's speaker. =/
Blahhhhh, we got a good bargain. :D I wanted to slash the price even lower,
but when we went back to the shop, the one who served me previously,
went away & so we can't really do anything. =(

& I wanted to work in banquet next week.
But who knows, that irritating enrollment package came.
& I have to settle so many of the admin stuffs. =(
I want to work please. =( I'm broke~ =(

& there are many many Orientation coming up.
I'm feeling so lonely, so many people are in business course.
& I thought I was in Business course too,
that damn JAE booklet, mislead me. =(
& now, I'm an IT student. =(
But still, I hope it's fun. :D
Because it's IT. :DD
But, nobody is in the same block as me. =(
So if I'm supposed to go for the Orientation,
I'm feeling so so so left out. =(

& that shitty shit,
it has one day camp in school,
which I'm even more reluntant to go. =(
I'm just not in the mood for camp now. =(

& blahhhhhhh,
I hope things are kept simpler.
& yadah, NSK is loved. :D
Just now chatted with him,
we were talking about materialistic.
Sighs. I don't know how to say but,
ya, sigh. =(

& ya I need to go & sleep already.
Goodnight.



因为了解，
所以更加爱惜。

12:06:00 AM

Friday, March 07, 2008

This whole thing is too complicated,
it's making me really disappointed.
It's been keeping inside me,
for this few days.
So hard to get over,
yet have to pretend everything was alright.

I don't know how others feel,
but I do feel the heart ache,
seeing so many things change.
My past, my present.
& I thought my future will still be the same,
with all of them inside the picture,
but things never go their way.
& now, I give up looking forward.

I know everyone is disappointed,
I know everyone is tired.
I'm really not into it to believe who's right & wrong.
I believe everyone has their stand.
& every stand goes right down to benefit the group.
Though, it's a mistake from the start.

Don't doubt me.
If you lost your trust in me,
I will lost my trust in you too.
Because, I don't know who to trust anymore.
& I don't know, who will be the one to trust me anymore.

Since yesterday, I kept telling NSK,
I felt really really sian.
He will ask me why,
but I really don't know how to explain.
& so, I decided to say nothing.
But the fact is, there's something bothering.
& I don't know how to make myself feel alright.

It's been coming to four years that I had been in the youth group.
I have gone through so many times, so many hard time.
Be it my personal problem, my group problem or anything.
& now, things just change drastically within a day.
Perhap, it wasn't in a day that happened,
but when I got to know it,
everything came crashing down on that day.

I don't know how to express my saddness,
so I decided to remain silence.
But now, I'm still feeling really upset.
& I don't want to get involve in anything.
I have no ideas what is going on.
& I guess, I don't want to know it anymore.

It seems pretty scary.
I don't want to stir up any troubles,
it's just too much to take it.
From a beautiful place,
where I thought everything could be solve smoothly,
to a place where so many problems arised.
The last place I will thought of having conflicts,
will be my second home.

I don't know what's everyone's reaction this Saturday,
& I won't be able to be present to understand the whole issue,
but I know, I still care about this whole damn thing.
Just that, I don't want to be involved right now,
not at this moment.

Enough of all these.
I chatted with Mao about relationship.
It's just so complicated.
I really really so afraid of losing.
Everyday, I'm just afraid of things that don't turn right,
& then, I will lose it all you know.

I wrote a long long entry below.
But I deleted it again. =/
I felt better after chatting with NSK.
He always have his craps to make my day. LOL!

Yadah, my Polytechnic Enrollment Package is here.
There's so much administration things to be carried out.
I felt really really lazy to do so much things. =(
It's just so troublesome.

& IT Fair today was crap,
Sharol & I had fun watching, A date with Vampire II.
Yeah, throughout the whole working hours,
we watched the shows. :DDD
But I sweared, it's not a good job.
I had blister right now.
& my legs hurt like hell. =(
It's worst than banquet.

& many many people came to find me. :D
While I saw many many people too. :D
Kanglong saw me & said hi. :D
Lijie, Jonathan came. :D
Then when I was eating,
I saw John. :D
Then, Wanxuan & Wongmin came. :D
& then Lijie, Jonathan & Weetheng came. :D

After the event,
met up with Mao,
& Kianchong,
then Zeyan & Pearly. :D

& I don't like IT fair,
because I had bad gastric pain.
After last night Roti-prata with Shikai, Dickson & Vincent.
My first meal for today was at 5pm. -.-"

Did I mentioned what happened yesterday?
Blahhhhh, we went to lanshop. :D
Bought Vincent's game before heading there. :D
& Vincent owe me Bubble Tea. :D
So he bought & then when I started drinking,
I couldn't drink the pearls,
I kept trying for a few times,
before being understanding that,
I'm really that dumb not to look at the bottom of the cup. -.-"
Blahhh, no pearls were given. =(

After I paid for my mum's bills,
I'm officially broke. =(

We went to a long long way down to a Roti-prata's shop to have dinner,
& then we went the long long way back to Grandlink. LOL!
& I'm so random, I've been craving for bubble tea lately. =/
Tsk tsk tsk, not good for health ~

Blah, I shall go sleep now. :D
My legs are the poorest thing now.
It hurts like hell. =/
Sigh.

I don't want to work for Mio TV anymore.
It's just so boring job. =(
I just don't like to stand & be bored.
It's just so roar~
If only,
they allow me to sit down. =(

& Thank you to Lijie & Jonathan for smuggling a spoon for me.
Just because I told them I needed a spoon. LOL!

& ya, I saw Kianchong's blog.
We all wish everything will be back the same.
I'm sorry if anyone thinks I am helping either party.
For your information, I am not.
Don't malign me, if you don't know me well.
Try judging me, don't regret if you judge wrongly.
I just want things to be the same way again.
May all beings be well & happy.

SBM Youth,
do you still remember all the happy times?
do you still remember how much everyone sacrifice to make a difference?
do you still remember how we held each other through the tough periods?
All the organisation for Public Talk, Vesak Day, Camp...
Weren't it be reminisice?

Don't tell me impermanence,
I don't want to know impermanence in this youth group,
not in my youth group, not in my second home please.

Shall we just let give each others' time to cool down,
before we start stating the point again?
Shall we ? I really don't want to see things fell apart.
Really.


Goodnight.



You won't know how much I miss you.
Because I miss you far too much.

12:32:00 AM

____________________________



Siah Hwan Ling
Formerly known as Siah Wan Ling
Sweet 18
13th April 91
Friendster

____________________________


Cravings;

Great boyfriend
Driving License
Diploma in Piano
Iphone 3GS 16GB
Blingbling Iphone Cover
Philip Epilator 3 different caps Cotton On Flowery Dress
Cotton On White Tanktop
Cotton On Blue Stripe Dress
Cotton On Highwaist skirt
Nerdy len-less spectacle
Diana Lomo Special Edition Pink Camera
A weight of 40kg
Zara White/Black Spaggetti
Join a Dance course
减肥减肥!!
FBT orange/Silver/Pink shorts
SugarLink Dress
Nintendo DS Lite Red
Rebonding



Plans;

New Blogskin
Paint my room
Pack my room
Pack my wardrobe
Get a wardrobe


____________________________

Adeline ;AdelineTeng
;Amy ;Andrina ;Ahgurl
;AhMeiJie ;AmandaSim ;AmandaGoh
;Alvin ;Alyssa ;AJ ;Azizi ;Belinda
;Caiwei
;CharmaineTeh ;Charlotte ;Chenying
;Cherie ;CherieSiah ;CherieTan ;Cherrian
;CherylJie ;Cherise
;ChuFeng ;Clorine
;Deidrrea ;DianaTjoa ;DianaSiah
;Dion ;Dolly
;Eddie ;EngHuakor
;Elaine
;Esther ;Evelyn ;FeliciaAng
;FeliciaKang
;Fenglin ;Hanpei ;Huimin
;Huiqing ;Huiwen ;Huixuan
;Irene ;Ivan ;Jael
;Jaslin ;JasmineSun ;Jeanne
;Jen
;Jialing ;Jiaqi ;Jinghui ;Jocelyn
;JoJo ;Jolicious ;Jowell
;JuntingKor ;Junjie
;Junpei
;KaiwenJie ;Kaiwen ;Kianchong ;Kimpeng ;Laura
;Leonora
;Lionel ;Liping ;Liyun
;Loves
;Mabel ;Madeline ;MaryAnne ;Meng ;Mingfei ;Moggallana
;Pearson ;Peiyi ;Priscilla ;Pris ;Raymond
;Reuben ;Sarene ;Sariputta
;Selina ;Sharol ;Sharon
;Sherman
;Shervonne ;Shixiong ;Soukuin
;Stefani ;Tina ;Ting ;Tingting
;Tohwee ;Victor ;Vincent ;Vivien
;Wanlin ;Wanling ;Weijing ;Weimin
;Weiping
;WeitingJie ;Wencai ;Wenting
;Wesley ;Xianwee ;Xiangyu
;Xiaohui ;Xinyi ;Xiumei
;Yichin ;Yiting ;Yilin ;Yinghui
;Yingting
;Yuankiat ;Yuanyi ;Zannalim
;Zeyan ;Zhenfeng


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hits.





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