Thursday, July 31, 2008
I tell you ah,
I never so suay in my whole life before.
First, I spent so much money on all those losses,
and then, I have lost my projects which are due,
and now, I met with a weird weird guy on the bus.
WALAO~ WHAT THE SHIT~
I really felt damn tmd.
It's like, this guy suddenly came to sit beside me,
when the fact is that, there's so much empty space in front of me.
So, I felt that he's a very very weird guy.
Wanna to take his photo down but,
you know at night, the bus's glass has reflection?
He kept looking at my direction loh~ Tmd~
So, I didn't manage to take his picture down.
And then, he kept sitting nearer and nearer to me.
It's like, his hand is going to touch my leg if he move alittle more.
So I kept fidgeting about, making sure he don't get close me.
Suddenly, he asked me questions like, "You from TP?"
Then I answered him with a damn harsh tone, " Ya, why?"
& he continued asking, "Which course?"
So, I was damn pissed off already,
shoot him back, "Your problem meh?"
He damn lame shit,
he still asked me, "You don't want to chat with me?"
OF COURSE I DONT WANT CHAT WITH YOU LAH,
YOU ARE AN IDIOT OR WHAT SHIT, DUMB ASS!
CAN'T YOU SEE FROM MY BODY LANGUAGE,
YOU SUCKER~
So, I replied even harsher this time,
"Ya, absolutely NOT interested in chatting with you at all!"
And he still act nice, say what "It's alright, that's fine."
OF COURSE FINE RIGHT, I DONT WANT TALK TO YOU,
WHAT CAN YOU DO MAN~ -.-"
Bastard.
& you know what,
before he alighted,
he still told me,
"I think you are beautiful."
WHAT THE SHIT!
EVEN MORE WHAT THE SHIT LOH~
TMD, I'm absolutely not interested to hear any word from him.
And I jitao replied him,
"Don't tell me this nonsense."
And he still act nice again,
say what "Okay, byebye."
Then, he alighted.
TMD LOH~
I felt damn pissed off and scared loh.
Tmd. Tmd. Tmd. Tmd lahhhhhhhhh~
Walao.
And at that point of time,
I was so feeling so scared?
Initially, I felt damn scared loh,
like imagine, a weird weird guy,
kept trying to come close you.
But I ended up feeling damn pissed off,
because where got people suay until,
meet this kind of people one!!
So yeah, smsed him. =/
And he asked me to faster get down and take cab.
I was sitting inside, and that guy sitting outside loh,
how to even get out !!~
Walao, this is the first time,
I felt so desperate to have someone I know on the bus.
And I told Jonathan about it,
he told me to just scream.
Where got so easy to scream one.
And I don't know what to scream norh.
Scream "AHHH~" or "OI!" ?
When you felt damn scare/pissed,
I don't think anyone has a clear mind what to do loh.
Tmd. Better don't let me encounter this kind of things again.
Sucks like hell. Suck suck suck suck suck suck lahhhh~
Who want brings me to go and pray pray.
We go 7 temples and pray okay okay! =(
Sighed.
I hate it when things are not falling into places.
I hate it when my life sucks like hell.
I hate it when I'm unlucky like shit.
And, on a lighter note,
I was feeling so pissed/upset/scared.
He made me laughed with his stupid comments. LOL!
Damn cute lah~ =/
Anyway, I just want to roar.
Mixed feeling lah that's all.
I just wish things to be better for me.
Can I ? Can I ? Can I? Can I ? =(
Sighed.
Just my hopeless thoughts again.
10:22:00 PM
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
To all the drivers out there, please drive carefully.. please don't speed. On the road, if you wanna compete with other cars, please think twice. Don't start speeding and racing just because you wanna show the competitors how fast your car is. Life is really precious yet fragile. You're not cat. You don't have 9 lifes. Once gone, it's gone forever. That's it.
Please take care of your passenger's safety too. You're responsible for their lives..
I used to want my boyfriend to speed on the road, to compete with others who seems to wanna race or show off. I thought it was fun and thrilling. But my boyfriend was a responsible guy. He don't do. Just once or twice. I always complained why didn't he speed when his with me but he speed when his alone or with friends. Now I know, he was ensuring my safety.. I was so foolish then..
Now things happened, It taught us a lesson. It ain't fun and it's dangerous. Risking your life for nothing. Yes you speed and you won other cars, you're faster than them. So what? What did you gained in the end of the day? Glory? What glory? Fame? What fame? If anything happens to you, who is going to answer to all the people who loves and care about you?
Guys, please think twice.. Speeding Kills. It really kills.. it killed my very best friend.. my one and only bestest friend.. best sister..
________________________
Sighed. I cried when I read her blog.
I used to think car racing wasn't any big deal.
But, speeding kills. Really. Sighed.
She was right, humans aren't cat.
They don't have 9 lives.
Treasure you life please.
Please be fine, Caiwei.
Takecare girl.
______________________
Had a drastic break down in school.
I was devastated at the thoughts of my projects.
What hurts more, come along with Leo's words.
Anyway, I don't care whatever I wrote here will affect whoever.
I'm not the type who is unhappy and then start ranting behind people's back.
When I'm unhappy, you can see it straight away.
I dare to say it's because of Leo,
and that's the reason I cried so badly just now.
Anyway, I was no longer upset over that issue.
I guess, my anger only lasted 10 minutes just now. =/
After that, I felt sorry for being that bad towards him.
Yadah, Yadee, Yadohhhh.
After all, it takes two hands to clap.
Sighed. I miss him.
But... Sighed.
Never mind.
Remind me,
that I'm just an option to him alright.
It's coming to 31st again. =(
If only time can hope back 7 months ago of this date.
Do you still remember?
I should stop thinking.
And let go the past.
11:07:00 PM
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
to stop blogging about him.
But I can't help, because he still meant something.
Anyway, we chatted last night,
& he really cheer me up a lot,
because he acted stupid,
because he acted cute. =/
Sometimes, I just wandered,
why could I be so upset for such a long time,
and turn alright within awhile time,
as long as he's there.
So weird right?
But, whenever the thoughts of them hanging out,
it makes me feel really really sian.
Sighed.
Whatever.
Shouldn't I not be kpo over him?
Shouldn't I not be bothered over him?
Didn't I remembered that I'm the spare tyre?
Didn't I remembered that I'm the hopeless/useless one?
Didn't I say I give up? Sighed.
Nothing will change the fact that,
he don't love me anymore.
I ought to move on.
10:41:00 PM
I still don't feel like slping.
Good game already.
I don't want to lie on bed.
And start reminisicing everything.
No matter how much I miss you.
So what. For what. Useless.
Sighed
1:41:00 AM
Anyway, I came home to sleep.
& woke up by Edward's call.
He's always calling at the wrong time. -.-"
(Unlike him who always call at the right time. =/)
I was sleeping so nicely,
& then he woke me up.
So yeah, slept from 8pm to 10pm.
2 hours of nap, guess it's enough.
So yeah, started compiling all my projects thing.
Did my tutorial and played my piano in the middle of the night.
Yeah, and my little boyboy started singing.
I played my piano at 12 midnight.
I guess my neighbours will feel eerie.
I mean, who played the piano at 12 midnight? =/
Don't worry, I had my silent patter on.
So, it's damn soft.
My piano exam is held at Orchard some place.
Where I had no ideas where that weird place is.
Anyway, I'm screwing up for sure.
My scales were pathetic.
My aural test were pathetic.
I have never touch my that "play on the spot" part either.
& my examination pieces are a way way way screwed up than ever.
I'm pathetic. That's all.
In my whole damn life ah,
I think this is the most pathetic period I had.
So stressful, so depressed, so upset, so angry. =(
Who will understand ? Nobody.
Anyway, whatever.
Call me an emo or whatever shit.
I don't care. I am upset, I admit.
On a brighter note,
I had a little note by Miss Sarah.
An encouragement note. =)
This time round,
I've got my white flag raised.
I'm defeated.
Let me be happy,
can I?
I can't sleep tonight again.
Not again.
Insomnia.
Walking away.
I hate it when I have to pretend that I'm fine.
1:14:00 AM
Monday, July 28, 2008
If only, I haven't come across her blog.
Maybe, I'll still be happier or whatsoever.
To be honest, I'm seriously hurt like shit.
When was the last time that he brought me out?
Sighed. So damn long ago already.
But them, so many times already.
After all, what's more can I say?
They're really prettier, cuter,
skinnier, nicer, better.
I loved him the most.
But he's always the one who hurt me the most.
This love was never meant to be.
And, I didn't mean a thing anyway.
So, I give up.
I hate to see that, few years down the road,
you were going to be a stranger in the crowds.
I don't want to love anymore.
The Expired Love.
爱不爱以不重要了
7:17:00 PM
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Good game for me man~
It's my assumption and it's wrong.
But we never know, when they hang out too often,
perhaps, you never know what will happen next.
Sighed. Can I stop expecting much from you?
I'm always falling from grace.
I've been wishing this,
I've been wishing that,
when reality bite,
and it all don't come true,
all I can do was to cry,
and got myself all messed up,
got my heart broken.
And now, I cried again.
Sighed. I'm loser lah seriously.
Sometimes, I really hate myself for being that weak.
I really hate myself for loving you that much.
I should have known better.
Sighed.
7:47:00 PM
Got to know from her blog.
She went out with him&friends.
Nice loh~
He never even bring me out or what.
His new target perhaps bah?
I don't know.
Sighed.
This time,
my heart really breaks.
Forget it.
Who cares.
No one care anyway.
7:35:00 PM
I saw my resolution for this year.
Hoping that his business will do well.
Hoping that he'll be happy.
Sighed.
I really miss him.
I saw the past archive.
I saw the one post that we went out and have a movie.
I saw the post when I was upset about him leaving me alone with his friend.
I saw the post where I was upset when I saw him chatting happily over the phone.
I saw the post when I was upset about my birthday because he didn't really care.
I saw the post when things cropped up so much between him, friend & me.
I saw the post where I was so upset that I really broke down.
I saw the post where I was happy with him over trivial matter.
I saw the post where I was contented with just that little things.
I saw the post where I was filled in doubt.
I saw the post where I helped him do his stuffs.
I saw the post where he brought me out for a "ride".
I saw the draft about me missing him.
I saw the draft about missing the memories we had.
I saw the draft which I'm really upset over him.
I saw the draft about how much I want to let go.
But I couldn't, because I couldn't bear to.
I just saw everything that we had went through.
The obstacles that we got over, the things we faced.
I'm just happy with him around.
So trivial, so easy, yet never make it.
Sometimes, I just wandered,
what is it in him that I can hold on for so long.
I know my reason for loving him.
But I have no ideas,
how could I hold on.
He's always in my worrying list.
To deny that I don't care,
to deny that I'm not worry,
it's all fake.
Why couldn't I let you go easily?
Why couldn't I move on easily like how you did?
Sighed. Sometimes, I just wandered...
Get over please,
Silly Siah Hwan Ling.
Loser~
5:58:00 PM
He didn't call me last night.
& I felt damn sad already.
Like he had really became a part of my routine.
Sighed. Now I couldn't sleep anymore. =(
It's 7.39am you know.
Damn zai already.
Sighed!~
How do I take away this pain nia~
Somemore, piano examination is coming,
I can't afford to screw it up. =(
Sighed.
Life is sooooo sighed for me.
Got to accept the fact in life.
But, it's just so tough.
Whatever
*Point a W word*
7:38:00 AM
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Must be too unlucky lately.
My mood dampened so much.
Anyway, I'll be fine. =)
Move on.
Nobody understands it anyway.
So, I just have to take it anyway.
I just have myself to rely on.
No one anymore.
Be strong ya. =)
Sighed.
Caiwei's friend Jerlyn had passed away.
I read her blog till I cried. Sighed.
Life is just so fragile.
Treasure.
Take care, Caiwei.
Rest In Peace, Jerlyn.
Life is suffering.
But that's life.
10:47:00 PM
When you let go of somebody,
it's not because you suddenly stop loving them,
it's because you want to see if they love you enough to come back.
If only, you could have understand.
Saw this online. It seemed true.
1. A man won't let go if he really loves you.
Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you.
He does not love you and does not value having you.
Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you.
There is another reason he is not willing to tell.
2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.
There is only one reason why he ended your relationship.
He just does not love you.
Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done.
Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.
3. Do not get hung up on your past.
Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you.
Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare.
He will not react the same way as your ex.
Do not be worried that your simple mistakes,
will cause him to look for another girl.
What happened with your ex was not your fault.
It was not because you didn't guard him enough
or you didn't make him happy enough.
4. Do not look into images.
How many times have you met a girl who didn't have the best image
in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was
actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images.
Often times, it is far from reality. Do not fear men,
just because Your "supposedly" perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.
5. Always have your own set of rules.
Set your limits on how far you'd go for a guy.
It's perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it's worth it..
And it's worth it if the guy is treating you right.
6. Do not be scared to lose him. Don't be scared that he'll break up with you.
Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage.
Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.
7. Avoid calling your guy.
It's a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better
if it's the guy who's calling, not the girl.
He will get tired of you if you keep on calling.
He will lose interest and challenge.
More so, he will get annoyed. But it's a girl thing also that
your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number.
But avoid as much as possible.
Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).
8. He must respect you.
No matter how long the relationship has been,
he should always show respect towards you.
9. Do not force yourself into a relationship. Do not get into a relationship
just because your friends are getting impatient
with your dating escapades and the one hasn’t come yet..
Do not choose who to say yes
to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc..
If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.
10. Do not settle.
If you are not happy anymore with your relationship,break up instantly.
He will not stay with you forever, no matter how upright he might seem to be.
Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.
11. A relationship has to have love. Love is the only thing that will push you
to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me,
keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.
12. Don't be afraid to be single. It's fun to be single, try it.
You can go out whenever and wherever you want.
You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free!
Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.
13. Be a good girl. Be a good girl to attract a good guy.
Enter the relationship with sincere intentions.
Take the guy and the relationship seriously
with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person
(of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years) .
If you compare your flings from your real relationships,
you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.
14. Love without limits.
Whether you loved and gave everything or loved
but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt.
But if you gave your everything,
you were happy and you could say that it was worth it.
If you didn't give your all, you get hurt for nothing.
15. You will get over him. Love is over-stated.
Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.
16. Be the one. Act like you are the one.
Don't be a nagger. Don't hinder his gimmicks.
Don't give in to him too easily.
Make him treat you as important. Don't be easy.
Don't be like every other girl he had in his life.
I miss you.
7:35:00 PM
Friday, July 25, 2008
You know what.
Yesterday, I lost my hard disk.
Today, when I reach home,
my computer is spoilt!
Good game liao loh.
Win liao loh.
Life is playing a trick to me.
Seeing how strong I can go.
But I'm getting weaker.
Really so much weaker.
Thought, I could be that happy-go-lucky girl still.
But, life is getting really hard, tough, too much.
What am I supposed to do man?
I got myself all tired, got myself all heartbroken,
just over a guy who doesn't even care about me.
Wanted to let go, yet I kept staying on at the same old spot.
Then, the things I treasured the most,
my hard disk was lost. Gone with the wind.
My projects which were due next week,
it's all gone - my sleep, my hardwork, my effort.
& then, I thought this was bad enough.
Tried to rush through my work in school,
hoping to come home to do a little teeny weeny more,
but my computer died on me. Win liao loh~
I had gotten over the "My hard disk!!!~" time,
and I stopped whining over it already.
I thought it was time to let go,
after all, life still goes on.
Yet, my computer died on me.
Now, I have to let go of him,
One fine day, I'll get over him
and move on just like how I had moved on from my hard disk.
Maybe for him, it'll still takes time.
Because the attachment is longer than my hard disk.
I only had my hard disk for a month,
so the attachment tends to lower down.
Anyway, at least I've found reasons to let go.
Because, I lost my purpose in loving him.
I'm always alone. When I needed comfort, he shoot me.
I mean, maybe that's him and I can't change the fact that that's him.
I'm always alone, right from the start.
Been hoping that he would care a little,
but it seemed that, reality had a great hit on me.
When you lost something, you won't get back any more.
Like my hard disk, when you lost it, means I lost it forever.
After facing so much problems lately,
I had realised the facts in life, the reality of life.
Yes, he did say that he love me, but that was in the past,
now, it's not going to happen, we had lost it all.
I had accepted the fact.
Blame it on my naiveness.
Blame it on my stubborness.
I kept having that glimpse of hope,
that things will change better,
but how would it happen,
when he love me no more?
So, I will get over it soon.
After all, I had gotten over my hard disk.
Life still goes on.
I'll never forget what he had told me last time.
Life still goes on no matter what.
Now, I've accept the fact.
Maybe, he's be happier.
Hold on no more.
Time to let go.
10:31:00 PM
Now, I shouldn't brood so much,
because everyone is suffering from the same fate as me,
just that I lost money in my precious hard disk.
So, school computer is infecting with virus.
Now, my SAS project is about to be done,
but it's saved in Dennis Thumbdrive.
I got the backup in my hard disk.
But Dennis Thumbdrive got virus,
and it's spoilt now, while my hard disk is gone now.
SIBEI ZAI lah, everything start from scratch again.
What worst is that Charlton's laptop is spoilt.
It's also due to the virus that infected his laptop.
Damn crazy, school lab is crazy now.
I think my computer is infected also,
because my internet connection is unstable.
And Mr Chew did said that one of the virus caused you to disconnect from internet.
Win liao loh~ Really win liao loh.
So much problems are arising during the handing of projects,
why don't have problems at the start or after projects,
why at this time? Crazy crazy crazy.
Got to lose sleep for the next few days,
don't think I'll be sleeping anymore.
Don't be surprise if you seen an undead hwanling.
No more going out,
no more wasting money,
no more loitering around shopping malls,
no more meeting out of friends.
No more no more.
Maybe projects are a good thing after all,
because when you get really busy,
you won't even have a single time to think,
not to even mention to miss him.
Long bus ride made me miss him.
& when I'm all alone,
thoughts are a killer.
Stop whining,
and continue with projects.
I still hate projects.
Roar you.
CIAOS~
12:39:00 AM
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I want a hard disk. =(
Who want to sponsor me? =(
Who want to help me retrieve my loss? =(
Or rather, who can help me retrieve my loss? =(
My time. My work. My money.
Sighed.
I just needed a rant.
If you think I'm whiny,
then forget about it.
I am whiny. I admit.
But, put yourself in my shoe,
how would you feel?
Roar.
9:05:00 PM
My precious hard disk.
It's all gone. My projects are gone.
& it cost $139. I've been losing a lot money lately.
I really don't know why.
Whoever has found it.
Please give it back to me. =(
Like as if the person will be able to know it's mine.
I didn't even leave any particulars in my hard disk.
I'm really upset. Very very upset.
I just hope, the person had happened to browse through google,
to search my blog, since I have my unique name there. =(
I'm the only Siah Hwan Ling / Siah Wan Ling. =(
If you have gotten my Maxtor One Touch Mini,
please email me at truthlurve@hotmail.com
For others, please do not add me just to make friends or what,
I'm sorry, I just don't like to make online friends.
Furthermore, I aren't in mood to entertain anyone.
All the time I had spent in doing my projects,
all the time I had spent staying back in school,
all the time I had sacrifice my sleep,
it's all gone. Gone with the wind.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
So much mishap things are happening to me.
I'm losing so much money. First my $200, then $18, then $139,
what's next? Sacrificing my piano exam fee too which is $300+?
Since I'm damn screwed up in my piano now.
& I don't even have time to practice it till it's perfect.
Good game.
Cried the whole day just now.
I know I'm damn loser lah,
crying over spilled milk.
But what to do.
Messaged him when I was feeling damn pathetic,
I don't know why, but I just seemed to type the message and send it to him.
He just seemed to be the first one I had always thought of.
I said I wanted to stop relying on him,
I said I wanted to stop bothering him,
but yet, it's always in my instinct that I'll find him.
I loved my hard disk so much.
Now it's gone, gone, gone and gone.
I love my outlook of it, I love my files inside.
Last month, he's faced with so much problems,
he still able to take it. I really admired him.
Now, this month, it's my turn to face with so much problems.
Damn screwed up. Tried to take it already. But I still can't.
If only, life can treat me better.
Stop giving me so much problem can you?
I really really wish, there could be a miracle,
someone could just return my hard disk.
Though it's just a hard disk, but it consists of my pain. =(
I'm blabbering so much.
I just can hope for miracle.
But in real life, there's never been a miracle.
You know ah, the fortune teller told me I'll be facing accident this month.
Now good game already, already suay like shit already.
I better take good care of myself.
Later I lose my money, lose my time,
lose my piano certificate, lose my hard disk,
& then lose myself.
Then, I really lost everything.
I wandered if I do have enough time for my piano,
I still have to redo everything, start from scratch,
how am I supposed to have extra time for my piano now.
Piano examination is coming in 17 days time.
& it's still like shit. Yes, shit~
Sighed.
I think I'm loser lah.
When I met with problems,
I only cry one norh.
Damn loser.
I have never felt so pathetic before.
Impermanent. Got to let go anyway.
It seemed like, I have so many things to let go.
Just give me a break. -.-" TMD~
I hope my hard disk will drop from sky.
Sky ah, Tian Kong, help me. =(
If not, money drop from sky also alright.
If not, my projects drop from sky also can.
Hais. I'm seriously utterly really really unhappy.
Roar you. That's life any way.
Kill me man~
Roar-ness.
Aiyo, I need to kan kai yi dian.
WALAOOOOOOO~ UPSET LAH~
I just want to rant. Let me be alright. =(
Sighed. Sighed. Sighed.
I'm gonna cry again. TMD~
Loser loser loser. *Point a L to myself* -.-"
Sometimes, I just wish, you could be the one,
who was there when I needed someone.
I miss you.
7:01:00 PM
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Been really really busy.
Even break time, I also used it to do projects.
But I still managed to eat a lot a lot.
Stress~ =(
When I reached home,
I tends to procastinate alot,
& sit on my project, not doing anything.
Least, I finished my ISFUN individual work.
& I had finished my BBFin report. =D
Whatever had due this week,
I'm done. =)
Yay! But I'm still trying to sneize every opportunity,
to practice my piano, because examination is coming,
& I'm playing like shit. =( Good game.
I'm left with 18 days to examination,
got to buck up. =)
Guess, I'll be good girl this weekend,
not going out or what so ever,
just stay home and do whatever to be done.
& practice my piano as much as I can.
It's the time of the month, had a stupid cramp.
Making me feeling uncomfortable the whole day.
& I feel weak today. Guess, I had lost too much blood. -.-"
Tried to keep myself busy,
to abstain myself from missing him.
That's the only way I could do,
to stop reminding myself,
that I still love him.
Maybe, when time passes,
I would have forgotten all about it,
and move on when my heart allows me to.
After all, I knew it in my heart,
that it's all so pointless to continue loving someone,
who won't love you, who won't care about you.
And me, being his one of his many options,
it's even more pointless.
Sometimes, I just wished,
I could say that I hate you,
for making me suffer.
But I just couldn't,
because I didn't hate you after all.
Sighed.
11:33:00 PM
Monday, July 21, 2008
I couldn't sleep.
Each time I shut my eyes,
the scene of the movie repeated.
Those gross gross part~ Walao~
In the end, I don't know what time I sleep.
The last time I saw the time, it's about 3am?
Damn crazy. Don't jio me for any gross movie anymore.
Last time already. =/
But I don't mind watching ghost movie,
but don't let me watch bloody movie. -.-"
I'll bite you if you do so.
Anyway, so today was hectic.
We dine in Bistro Walk.
I ate damn a lot.
Supposed to be on a diet,
but I went to eat so much. =/
I think I can eat a lot,
but I just want to lose weight. =/
So, after school,
planned to go Nokia Care,
but changed plan, stayed in school to do project.
We did till 9pm. My first time staying in the school till so late.
Yeah, & I'm home now.
No need to sleep either.
Zai ahhhhhh~
But, I can't sleep too.
I kept eating sour plum just now. =/
& I seemed to open mama shop.
I got so much snacks in my bag. xD!
Even Chinyong also stunned. xD
I think whoever stayed back with me today,
is damn blessed by my snacks. =D
I'm gotta stock up my titbits tomorrow.
It's finishing soon. =( & my baby cookies no more. =(
Anyway, I feel stupid today. LOL!
What an emotions, but really what~
I just feel nonsense today.
Kept spouting nonsense.
& I just realise, I'm broke.
Initially, I have a saving of $500.
But, it's all gone gone gone ?
I'm left with pathetic $150. =(
I don't even know where I spent it to. -.-"
Wanted to stop taking money from mummy,
but I really CMI leh~ =(
I want to save money for laptop. =(
I want to work. =(
So weird, I tried to sign out my MSN,
I'm feeling damn lazy to type.
But, I kept signing in automatically,
without me touching it. -.-"
It's so weird.
At some time of the day,
you'll still come across my mind,
& I'll miss you all over again,
right from the start.
However, I just got to remind myself all over again,
I'm just the loser right from the start,
so move on.
11:28:00 PM
I'm helping my friend to promote his shop.
I know the promotion is been so long. =/
But, aha, here it is for all my pretty girls/ladies.
There's a promotion in Shugar (MarinaSquare).
E-Voucher Deals
Classic Manicure going at $30 for 2 person. (Usual Price $25 per person)
*Please print out the e-voucher to enjoy the low deals.
*Do call 96694664 or 63385273 for appointment to avoid disappointment.
If you just happened to pass by my blog,
you can also email me to get the voucher. =D
I know my blog has disfunction the right click. =/
So yeah, have to email me though.
truthlurve@hotmail.com
July Promotions
Free Express Pedicure with Nail Art and Swarovski (Usual Price $25 per person) with any products or services purchased at $88 and above.
*Promotion will be valid till 31st July 2008
* All promotions are stand alones and not valid with other promo or discount and does not accumulate to Shugar Reward Card - loyalty stamp
Thank you. =)
1:08:00 AM
Sunday, July 20, 2008
let your soul out.
Sighed.
Didn't know I still care so much.
So much more than what I expected.
I felt so sighed,
couldn't accompany him,
when he was bored today.
Even though, I knew I shouldn't feel that way.
After all, it's his problem, not my problem.
But I just... I don't know.
Sighed.
Anyway, met up with Nankeng today.
Shopped & watched movie.
We watched P2 sneak preview.
Didn't plan to watch that.
We wanted to watch Dark Knight,
but it's all sold out. Pathetic~
P2 is definitely a M18 show.
Why is it rated as NC16?
Damn disgusting.
Most of the scene,
I tried to cover my eyes.
I hate seeing blood. =/
Felt really nausea after the show.
Damn super duper disgusting when you watched.
You watched how he killed the guy,
how he smashed the guy into pieces.
Walao, don't say already. Damn disgusting.
& I'm feeling damn damn nausea. =(
But I'm strong strong strong. LOL!
Nonsense show.
Initially, I was told that it's some horror show.
So I agreed to watch! But, wahsehhhhhh~
Kana bluffed~
So blahh, after movie.
Home & slacked. =(
Today is such a wasteful day.
My $200 lah~ Walao. =(
He said, must kan kai.
But how to kan kai, when I'm wasting time today.
& when I can work and earn an extra 200. LOL!
Ahhhhhhhh, I'm damn whiny lah, but I just want to rant.
I hope money drop from sky. =( Drop 100 I also happy. =D
I don't want to waste time anymore.
Wasting time is such a stupid thing to do.
I rather work work work work & work.
But I have no permanent weekend job. =(
I hope everyone lazy to work on weekend,
then I will help to substitute in. =DDD
& then, I won't be wasting time at home.
Doing absolutely nothing, & wasting away time.
I know I like procastinating,
but not to that extent of 跟钱过不去. =/
Eh, I'm feeling weird.
Why am I so whiny over $200. =/
Roar. Alright shut up. =/
Anyway, happened to be reminded of treasuring people around us.
http://memyselfmine.blogspot.com/
So, I want to her blog again.
Her boyfriend is really a sweet guy.
Morning calls & messages her.
I hope she's fine. Really.
I miss you.
How do I stop feeling this way?
I'll get over it soon. Soon.
Happened to browse through my archive.
Saw the archive on my birthday this year.
So dramatic. Been through so much pain in loving him.
Didn't know why did I hold on for so long. Too long.
Not like he's treating me right,
not like he still brings me out like last time,
not like I've been that special in any sense.
Even his birthday, I also not counted as his friend like that.
Can never understand this feeling that I've been feeling.
If only, I can forget everything that happened throughout these 7 months.
If only, I can forget about you & move on easily.
If only, I didn't fall for you from the start.
If only, I didn't agree to wait.
If only. If only. If only. If only. If only.
Maybe, I won't be hurt so badly.
Ha. Dumb girl.
I'm a loser lah.
Because, I hurt myself again & again.
Nobody says it's gonna be easy.
Ahhhh, I'm stupid.
Roar.
8:01:00 PM
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Damn upset,
initially I can work at Singtel.
But decided to reject the offer,
since I'm going to meet up with Liangjian&Raymond,
& I felt so reluntant to work also.
Yet, decided to take up the Sunday offer.
But in the end, Valerie called to say,
it's alright for me, since she prefer getting one for both Saturday & Sunday. =(
Wanted to tell her, to let me work then, but since meeting up with the guys, so it's alright.
But IN THE END,
didn't meet up with the guys,
cause Raymond was not feeling well.
Sighed. There goes my meet up & my money.
Was feeling so affected over the $200.
Walao ehhhhh~ $200 leh~ Walao.
Like that I wasted today, since I didn't do much,
there goes my $200 already loh~ WALAO~ =(
I was feeling so affected that I smsed him.
But ah, he don't know doing what.
Maybe dating or others.
He seemed busy.
Shouldn't have bother him. =(
Aiya whatever~
Can I just don't care? =/
Blahblahblah,
went clarkquay to meet up with Ah koon.
We went Amber 21. =/
Didn't drink much though.
Made a few friends there.
& got to know Regina is working at,
Build-a-Bear workshop. Sama Sama~
While Joey came from TP too. =D
Yadah yadah.
Home~
SIANNNNNNN~
I felt sad sad sad. =(
No more $200 already narh.
Roar roar roar roar roar.
*Bite*
Okay.
Bye.
If not I'll be whining more.
& turns out to be really whiny.
I'm afraid.
Afraid that I'll fall again.
Got to start reminding myself,
that I'm just a spare tyre,
he was just bored,
not because he cared.
This love is not reciprocating.
& it will never be.
Love was just a game to him.
So you were just part of the game for him to play.
SiahHwanLing, can't you just understand?
You're dumb/stupid/idiot to love someone,
who don't love you & never will he.
So dumb ass, move on move on move on.
Just move on.
终于让我看穿了爱情
我明白这场游戏输的五体投地
关于你布下的局
终于我承认了我伤心
Do you still remember,
every little bits and pieces?
11:52:00 PM
So much for being naive.
Today was cool.
Met up with Lijie, Daniel, & Alvin.
Movie - 10 promises to my dog.
Cried like running tap water.
Crazy.
But it's damn touching.
& I'm so going to feel what my boyboy feel.
Sighed. Sorry little boy~
& people do get old.
Over the years,
dad & mum are growing old.
& they are the one who brought us up,
watched us grow, be there for us no matter what.
Sometimes, I just felt that I neglected them alot.
I'm sorry.
Got to do some self-reflecting.
Been really a CMI girl lately.
Sighed. I'm not whining,
I'm just feeling what I felt.
The 10 promises to my dog.
1. Trust me for I am always by your side.
2. Play with me alot.
3. Don't forget that I have feelings too.
4. Let's never fight.
5. If I don't obey, I have a reason.
6. You have school and friends, but as for me I only have you.
7. Stay as my best friend even when I'm old.
8. I'll only live about 10 years, so let's make every time count.
9. I'll never forget our time.
10. When the time come, be by my side.
Yadah, went back to school for some meeting.
& met up with ShanyuanWeijing for dinner.
Yadah yadah yadah. Tomorrow it's ShanyuanAngel's examination.
Good luck eh~!! =D
3.20am now. =/
& I'm wide awake.
Cool mannnnnnnn~
Flings. I'm just one of them.
Options. You have many of it.
Started to remind of the things you had said.
Once you have a car, girls will automatically coming up to you.
And yes, I was just an option to you.
Sometimes, it just dawned on me so hard that,
I missed the time, when you didn't have a driving licsense, a car.
Just got to remind of the things you used to hurt me.
& yes, I'm hurting myself all over again.
Thoughts are a killer.
Stop it.
Can I?
就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
2:00:00 AM
Friday, July 18, 2008
Tmd.
It's been so long since I got angry.
It's been so long since I shouted.
Guess, my limit is up.
Cried after everything.
Yeah lah, I'm weak.
I'm noob. I'm loser.
Call it, whatever you want.
Roar you. =/
I'm fine again.
Guess, my angry-ness,
only lasted for 10 minutes at most. -.-"
Lame shit~
Aiya, whatever.
Roar you~
K bye~
12:43:00 PM
Figured out my way to get my pay at Kasco.
Returned, & everything is so coincidence.
Got message continously from 3 different people one after another.
Then received call, end the call and answered the next calls one after another for 3 times.
Like, I called Kiwi, and I had second call so ended the call,
then answered Auntie Kathay's call, and I had second call again so I ended the call again,
then answered Jonathan's call...
Took 63 home, after alighting,
851 came, & I took it to SimLimSquare,
after alighting, 23 came, & I took it to my school.
It's like everything is one after another~
Got so coincidence not~
Did project, did my test, did my project again.
After school, supposedly to meet up with Justin & Kiwi,
but Kiwi was busy & I ended up meeting Justin only.
Ate at Changi Village, & we went to Giant. =D
Next, it's the fun part. xD
I learnt driving. =D
I learnt about moving front & back,
I learnt about parking the car. =D
I think I'm damn zai lah,
I parked car damn straight one alright. LOL!
Alright, starting was damn pathetic,
I was damn scared about driving,
I was damn scared about banging with anything.
Police came several time. LOL!
Quickly got down the car before we got caught. =X
Driving is damn fun~ But it's damn tough too~!
Imagine driving auto is so tough already,
guess I should take up auto rather than manual next year. =/
Driving is damn fun, so people you all should learn. =D
Couldn't bear to stop learning but it's getting late.
Blahhh, went to Changi to see ah gua.
They are even prettier than normal girls.
Kiasinang.com
Blahhh & home now. =D
Driving is fun fun fun.
I hated long bus ride.
No matter how much I tried to forget you,
you just found your way back into my mind.
Memories kept flooding back,
from the promises you used to give,
from the things that we used to share,
from the obstacles we used to face,
it's getting deep into me that I'm missing you
Tried to hold back my tears & suppressed it.
But it just kept falling.
I still do care so much,
I still do bother so much,
But I got to learn to deny the fact.
Deny the fact that I missed you,
deny the fact that I do care,
deny the fact that I love you.
And I got to accept the fact.
Accept the fact that you don't care,
accept the fact that it's all one sided love,
accept the fact that you don't love me.
These days, been getting his calls,
was really happy but got to tell myself that,
he's just bored, not that he cared.
So dream on, dumb ass.
Sometimes, I really hope you care.
Sometimes, I really hope for that little hope.
But the fact is that, I got to accept the fact.
Sighed.
Stop it. Loser.
Just accept that fact.
& stop whining.
Train of thoughts,
when will they stop?
12:39:00 AM
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Initially, we were supposed to have SAS,
but it crashed with our PRSP lecture.
Good game~
So, SAS cancelled,
but our lesson still goes on from 8-5.
Super duper thriple sian~
Many people skipped lecture.
The lecture looked damn pathetic.
Without all the make up lesson,
my lesson should have ended at 4pm.
Damn sian when you have to stay back for extra lesson. -.-"
So next, met up with Dickson & Jacklyn,
walked alittle, ate our dinner & walked alittle again,
& home sweet home. =D
Damn in love with the cookies,
but it's a baby cookies. Sian~
It melts in your mouth when you put it inside.
Nice~
Anyway, been not feeling well here & there.
Damn sian, I did try my best to take care of myself already.
I ate my lunch, I ate my dinner, I tried to eat breakfast.
I even ready to exercise with my brother.
I played the piano to calm myself down,
but it's not helping, since I'm damn stress for my exam.
I drink loads of water. I ate loads of foods.
In the end, growing fat out of it.
& still, I'm aren't feeling well,
every now and then.
Damn~
When you tried the hardest to let go,
you always tied back in holding on.
Couldn't do anything,
but told myself,
not to forget that,
I'm just another option.
1:48:00 AM
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
while googling for my Singtel recent happenings,
I saw many many comments about Mio TV,
& I was wandering if Mio TV is better or Cable TV is better.
& then, suddenly I remembered my ex-boyfriend Jashawn,
is working for Starhub Cable TV,
while I'm working for Singtel Mio Tv.
So cute, I just realised he's my competitor.
Singtel or Starhub?
You choose.
Anyway, I need recommendation for Singtel stocks now.
Needed to do some research on the stocks for my project.
Got to look out for the recent happenings to the company,
local industry changes and global economic news.
Anyone happens to know something about Singtel,
or any other service providers which will contribute to my local industry changes sector.
Please call/SMS/MSN/Email/Tag/Look for me as soon as possible.
I need more informations to score well in my favourite subject. =)
Help me eh~
Byebye!~
12:26:00 AM
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I'm happy happy. So now left with ISFUN. =)
Been busy with projects the whole day today.
3 hours of break, 2 hours were spent on projects.
Nothing happening to talk about though.
Just another boring day~ =/
So, got to meet up with Dickson&Jacklyn tomorrow. =D
Lesson is damn long tomorrow. =( Worst~
I hope some teachers just take MC & cancelled the lessons. =)
I'm so lazy today. =(
Played the piano for an hour,
& I'm procastinating now.
Should have take a nap first. =(
But well, it's too late already. =/
So, I had planned to practice on my piano everyday,
at least an hour per day since I'm left with 25 days to my Rest In Peace day. =(
Projects are crazy. Exams are crazy.
Right after the submission of projects,
it's the study week & then examinations.
School is getting crazy, hectic, nonsense.
& yet, I'm still procastinating.
Good game.
Anyway, got to be damn motivated to lose weight now.
I'm getting really fat soon. =( Crazy~
I've got loads of photos to be uploaded,
but Alwin hasn't send me any photos yet.
Perhaps, I'll help him to advertise alittle bit.
He's doing wedding photoshoots,
whoever is getting married,
tell me eh~ =D
http://alwinlim.livejournal.com
Tried to stay as busy as possible,
tried to stop thinking of you as much as possible.
No doubt, you'll still appeared across my mind some time in the day.
You're still the first one I searched for when I'm online.
How do I get rid of the time I missed you?
How do I stop missing you?
They say,
when you stop missing someone,
you'll naturally not drop deeper into the trap.
Tried all ways to move on,
told myself I'm just a toy,
told myself I'm just a spare tyre,
told myself I'm just a nobody in his life.
Loser. Dumb ass.
Stop thinking,
can I?
6:31:00 PM
I've finished my part for my BBFin. =D
& I had done my tutorial for BBFin.
I had checked the stocks for my ISFUN. =)
Saying about the stocks, I'm damn sian.
I tried to open the site,
but I kept getting a lag in the webpage.
From the computers in my school,
till the computers at my house,
it still lag like hell. -.-"
After telling him about it,
& with him saying about my lousy computer,
I tried the last time, & I'm able to get in. =D
See, my computer isn't that lousy after all. =D
Oh ya, I played the piano for an hour too.
Got to start practicing it before I waste my money on the examination fees.
& I suddenly have the craving for hot & spicy steamboat~
Liangjian & Raymond, where's my steamboat? =(
It's 2.30am right now. =/
Good game eh~
Tomorrow wake up at 7am. =/
I'm left with 4.5 hours.
Just nice. =D
Hid the emotions,
not wanting to cause a burden.
Used to seek for assurance,
but wasn't fitted anymore.
Got to find some ways,
to stop sinking futher.
There got to be a way,
got to be, ought to be...
But why do imu sometimes?
Got to start psychoing myself,
that imu no more.
Never.
When the thorns of the rose is prickling,
you just have to let it go.
But it's never easy.
12:35:00 AM
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sing sang sung at Partyworld.
Had Fish & Co for dinner.
Had MacDonald for breakfast.
I'm growing fat. Damn~
Then, went shopping at Suntec.
Bought many things for little boyboy.
Got to dote him more now. =D
Anyway, I wanted to go for running today.
But, my gastric wasn't feeling right today.
I wandered why, since I had been eating a lot lately though.
After seeing Yuanyi marmie yesterday,
I think I should go for running everyday,
to lose all my fats. =DDD
It etch into my mind,
like a tattoo on the body.
It still hurts, but I'm fighting.
Just got to tell myself, it's pointless.
Just got to tell myself, it's a waste of time.
Started from somewhere, but I ended at the same spot again.
I'll learn to get you out of my mind.
& see you as a whole new somebody,
somebody who won't be inside my heart,
somebody who I won't be bothered so much,
somebody who I won't be missing so much,
somebody who is just a friend.
Not somebody, whom I loved.
Don't worry.
It can be done.
Got to stop being the nuisance in his life. =)
To stop kpo-ing about his life, to stop meddling his life.
Yes, I know I should stop loving a guy who don't love me.
I'm trying, still trying hard.
Sometimes...
Oh well. Sighed.
No matter how hard you try,
it will not get anywhere, never.
12:32:00 AM
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Sometimes, I do miss you.
Anyway, went to do flag day with Jonathan & Shiying today. =D
We had a lot of fun, cause I kept bringing them going everywhere.
But our tin was damn light, damn pathetic.
Brought them to my house to show off my boyboy,
he can sing~ LOLOL! But Shiying damn scare of my boy~ =(
Next, went to meet up with Zeming & guys.
Yuanyi marmie came. =D
Blahblahblah, had an interactive session.
So yeah, did some catching up with Rit on the car.
Damn funny, we started with all the batuk bahak again~
& his thai accent, damn gay but also damn cute. LOL!
We had Carls Junior for dinner.
& yadahyadahyadah,
went to Daiso with Yuanyi marmie,
I guess I need to stock up a lot of things. =)
I'm so going to re-new my whole room soon~
But I really don't know when is my brother moving out though. =/
Reached home very early today. =/
Like once in a blue moon like that~
Cleaned up my room a little teeny weeny bit.
Played DOTA with my brother.
Played Tower Defence with my brother.
(reminded me of him)
Yeah, supposedly to come back to do my project,
but I kept procastinate till now.
I tried to open up my stock chart,
but it's not loading at all,
it even hanged there.
Sian~
Damn sian.
Forget it.
Procastination starts again.
Sian sian sian sian sian.
Sighed.
If only...
If only...
If only...
How many if only can I ask myself?
Baby, if only you could catch my fall,
when I fell the hardest.
1:40:00 AM
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Been getting a lot of questions.
Sometimes, I just really wished I could have an answer.
DecemberThirtyOneZeroSeven,
If only that moment can freeze...
But, got to be realistic,
just the past.
Move on.
I'll be strong.
If only...
Maybe...
Perhaps...
However...
Forget it.
They want me to be reminded,
not to love a guy who don't love you.
After all, whatever you had given out,
it won't reciprocate. Never.
So, take it.
Wanted to laugh at myself,
for being dumb in loving that much,
when all I knew, I'll get back nothing.
Dumb ass.
To let go, or follow your heart?
Emotional struggle.
12:06:00 AM
Friday, July 11, 2008
Do you still remember the army guy who died during training in Brunei?
That's his girlfriend's blog.
Moving on is better said than done.
& she is fighting hard to continue living her life.
Life is just so fragile, you never know when your one will just go.
Treasure everyone, anyone who meant something to you.
How would you feel, if your guy/girl just leaves without any notice?
Especially, it's someone you loved.
School was fine.
Nothing much to elaborate today.
It's just another day, slacked~
I'm all messed up.
My sanity was driven away.
Me, myself should have known better.
Stop living in self-denial, & accept the facts.
Sighed. If only, if only, if only...
If only...
1:11:00 AM
Thursday, July 10, 2008
everybody was late today.
Damn cute.
So everyone was complaining to one another,
that they woke up late together blahblahblah,
& took cab to school blahblahblah...
It's so cute to see the whole class,
ahem, I mean most of the class,
doing the same thing together.
We handled our PRSP assignments in now,
& we are happier this way you see.
Assignment kills us.
Blahblahblahblah,
school was over.
Met up with Rainer papa for shopping spree.
Supposedly, it was a shopping spree,
but I couldn't have any eye on any things.
I felt so unsatisfied, & decided to just grab the one,
that I felt it's much more nicer looking tops.
& I bought another flowery dress again. =/
I'm starting to love flowery prints. =/
I was feeling so argh,
like I really want to shop,
I want to get new tops,
but nothing for me to buy. =(
Never mind, it's a form of saving money. -.-"
No wonder, mum wants me to change name,
because part of her reason, was that she want me to save money,
but also not in this way mah~ Like that go shopping,
everytime nothing to buy, then I'm going to be so bored. -.-"
Treated him subway meals. =D
Healthy diet. =)
Piano lessons will be 2 hours each for this month,
because I'm having my last grade test,
thus, teacher is putting more hours in.
Sighed. I hope I can pass.
Or rather, it's not hoping,
it's that I have to pass.
Got to stay home more to practice now.
This one month is going to be tough,
it's going to be full of projects,
full of piano practicing.
but I know, I have to make it.
Sighed, I'm not sleepy yet,
but brother wants to sleep now,
& I'm so lazy to on my sister-in-law's laptop.
So there there, got to shut down my computer.
But, I guess I'm going to pack my room in the dark. =/
I'm not feeling sleepy at all. I'm weird.
Alright, & time for my brother to sleep now.
Didn't understand.
& I never do.
Nothing of that sort.
It's just tonight.
12:30:00 AM
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Passed by Huiwen's blog.
So suprisingly that I saw my name there. =)
Well, if anyone who had knew us,
you should know the big fights we had,
you should know the quarrels we had,
for now, I seriously couldn't really remember what happened already. =/
I just remembered, we had big fights, we had big quarrels.
Anyway, when I think back now,
it's just seem so funny on how we pointed fingers at each other,
blaming one another for everything and everything.
Maybe that's what people had said, growing up.
After living for so many years,
been through the worst time of my life,
been through quarrels over friendship,
been through quarrels in my family,
been through quarrels over anything.
& I came to learn that,
in every quarrels,
there's bound to take two hands to clap.
As long as one person is willing to give in,
another person is willing to stop,
everything will end.
In fact, I couldn't believe that,
Huiwen & I had such a big fights,
& it has never come across my mind that,
we will be good friends again. =)
Each year in our secondary school life,
we were bound to have one big conflict.
I remembered, we will start with all the names-calling,
all the nonsense crap things people do.
We even almost have a fight.
Sec 1, we had quarrels over the Xiangyu thing,
I don't remember what types of quarrels did we had though.
But I know, I was so loser, I kept calling her names,
scolding her and cursing her all the time. =/
Alright, sorry girl, I shall admit all those though. =/
But you should know, when people angry,
all those nonsense comes out. =(
Sec 2, we had quarrels over my Mong group.
Well, splitted out with my girls,
& almost got fights with her. =/
I was damn impulsive last time.
& I was damn childish last time.
So yadah~ Confessions alright~ =(
Don't judge me because of that. =(
Sec 3, we had quarrels over LiangEng?
Or was that when we had quarrels during Sec 4?
Damn lame at that time, because I was still in a confused state.
I don't even know what I did to her, & they started pointing fingers.
So yeah, didn't bother about it, cause I found it no point in arguing further.
& maybe, I found it damn lame to continue quarrelling further.
Yadah, kiasinang right our quarrels.
Every time, it's just between the two of us.
But, suprisingly, we are fine now after all the ups & downs.
Been through the worst time in girl guide,
been through the happy time during the study week,
been through every single little things.
Never regretted knowing her,
though she was once my enemy,
but we are on good terms now. =)
& because of her, I learnt to grow up. =D
Anyway, it sounds so weird to have myself writing enemy.
Because, I haven't been having any "enemy" for quite some times.
Maybe, I would have disliked somebody in a way,
but it has never come across my mind that,
I hate them.
I just found it no point.
After all, this hatred will only grow in us.
What for wasting so much time & efforts in hating somebody?
So yeah,
knowing her,
is never a wrong,
because she will just make up your day. =)
Thian Hui Wen, this post is dedicated to you. =D
11:26:00 PM
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
I hate to be alone.
That's when I starts to miss him.
& he just seems so faraway.
Forgets it.
They say, if he's bothered,
he would have contacted you,
if not, don't bother.
But how to,
when I just can't deny the fact that,
I'm affected & I'm bothered.
I'm sorry if I'm trying too hard to pretend that I don't care.
When the fact was that, I still do.
But it's hurting too much,
to care so much,
& yet when he don't care.
I just have to accept the fact that,
what others said, might sound stupid to me,
but everyones say so, & it's slowly becoming convincing to me.
Saying that I'm just a spare tyre, when he's bored he find me.
He needed a company, not a commitment.
Sometimes, I just wished that we could be back to the past,
when he doesn't have a driving license,
when he doesn't have a car.
Least, he would call when he's taking a cab,
& it won't be like now, not even a contact.
Or maybe it's not even any reason above,
it's just that he has a new company.
Just the new girl, new excitment.
Oh well, forget it.
就算有多么的舍不得
就算有多么的不想忘记
你的冷漠是对我的伤害
没有结果的爱情
她放了吧走了吧
不想要彼此受伤
Got to be fine, I hope.
But why do I still miss you so?
9:23:00 PM
I skipped my lectures,
& met up with Dickson,
tried to make out something for my PRSP.
Next, we went over to payalebar.
Had our dinner & home sweet home.
I wasn't feeling well now.
At least, it's my stomach which is not feeling well again.
Sighed. I felt really weird. Like really really not feeling well.
& I think my classmates are great,
at least we won't throw each other to die themselves,
we all will help one another with the individual assignments. =D
I love my class. =)
& Jonathan!
Thanks for helping me to edit.
If not, I would have continue stucking there.
Sighed.
I'm not feeling well again.
Seriously, I'm not feeling well at all.
Guess, I should see a doctor some day.
Never mind. Who cares anyway.
But seriously,
I'm suffering. =(
I'm really feeling so xinku. =(
Kill me please.
Bye.
2:04:00 AM
Monday, July 07, 2008
Disappointment.
Forget it.
I should have known.
But I took too long to realise.
Thank you for pretending that you care, my dear.
10:37:00 PM
You know my counter,
it appeared drastic change.
Alright,
so this is the drastic change,
wanted to print screen the page,
but couldn't do it at all.
Shall manually type it out. =)
30-June - 45
01-July - 47
02-July - 49
03-July - 38
04-July - 41
05-July - 3
What the~
40+ to 3?
Abit too drastically change.
I wandered what happened on that day?
Why nobody reads my blog anymore. =(
But it's alright, I got my advertisment for now.
& Nuffnang is earning me really slow money.
It's only $21.28 for now.
& I must wait till it's $50 before I can cash out the money.
Upset~ I hope they give me more advertisment.
If loving someone who don't love you at all,
what will you do? & when you just want to let it go,
but you stayed on the same spot again,
wishing things could be the same in the past.
Living in the past, hoping for the better.
& when you chose to continue loving him,
giving in everything that you have,
even though, knowing that he won't love you at all,
you knew you are just wasting your time,
making yourself suffer more.
But your heart and your mind,
just couldn't connect with each other.
Being mindful that he don't love you at all,
knowing that nothing could make the change in that,
yet your heart still loves him that much.
Moreover, following your heart,
or moving on, letting everything go,
watching all the memories,
watching all the obstacles you faced,
watching everything just fade away.
It's all the same, both are the same,
it gives the same pain.
What will you do?
Or rather,
what should I do?
Just want to convince myself that I love you no more,
but why do it gives a tinge of pain when I do that?
12:57:00 AM
Sunday, July 06, 2008
My piano examination letters came yesterday.
I'm having my examination on 8th Aug 08.
Such a nice date, 080808. -.-"
What the heaven.
Life's gotta be sucks from now.
Anyway, I just found that,
080808 date is cool. =D
Sian. Sian. Sian.
I kept waking up for no reason.
& I have been eating a lot lately. =/
Just last two days, treated shanyuanweijing steamboat for dinner!. =D
& yesterday, treated mum&dad dim sum for supper. -.-"
Super fattening already narh. =(
My diet plan - failed. -.-"
Life couldn't be better anyway.
So yesterday was his birthday,
got him present which everything can be dumped in his car.
& yeah, yesterday was working so lonely. =(
Until XiaoBai came. More exciting~
But, customers were tricky.
Tsk.
Last night, had a sudden thought of him,
& the song S.H.E - 爱我的资格 played on the radio.
Sound so dramatic, but it's really the true.
The lyrics are meaningful. =)
& I got 4 new songs. =D
So I placed it on top of my previous playlist's songs.
Zhenglin, I have new songs now alright! =D
Been trying to keep myself real busy,
so as not to stop and think of him.
After all, feelings will fade.
I believe if I stopped missing him,
I won't be falling deeper into it,
or maybe I'll be even able to pick myself up.
没有结果的爱情
她放了吧走了吧
不想要彼此受伤
10:29:00 AM
Nightmares. -.-"
It's 5am now.
& I'm awake.
I've just slept for 3 hours.
Good game.
& I haven't even touch my assignment which is due Wednesday.
Doubly good game.
Sighed.
4:55:00 AM
Friday, July 04, 2008
No.
Not again.
What's more?
Don't want to live in self-denial,
don't want to deceive myself anymore.
Am true that,
I was awaiting for nothing,
& now I'm sacrificing my sleep again.
Dumb or what, you name it.
Loser me.
Aiya, whatever.
Nobody understands,
so don't bother to read.
I told myself, I don't care.
Yet I waited all alone again.
2:28:00 AM
Thursday, July 03, 2008
I found myself trying too hard.
Whatever happened in the past,
no matter the good, or the bad,
rewinded in my memories.
For whatever things that happened,
it's forgotten by him.
& guess, I really didn't mean anything to him anymore.
Because he stopped his calls to me.
It's just a sign, & I should read between the line.
So yeah, it's my bad for realising it this late.
& got myself so hurt, got myself so tired.
Maybe I should have learnt the pain the hard way,
knowing the situation will be this way,
but I still drown myself in it.
I was just stubborn.
Missing him had became a routine.
Having our late night calls had been a daily thing.
But it seemed like the past now.
I'll learn to not be bothered.
I want to smile & walk away,
remembering, you're the one I gave my all.
& you had used to be that special.
Maybe some day, I'll still cry when memories flashed back.
But I know, I'll get it all over, I'll be strong.
I had learnt many things from him.
& I had too, learnt to walk away just like how he left.
After the long awaiting night,
you taught me to move along.
I think these few nights, I had been waiting too much,
waiting for your calls, waiting for you to appear.
Sometimes, it's just get too tiring.
Trying not to be a nuisance,
so I stopped looking for you.
I don't know what's I'll be feeling for the next few days.
But right now, I know you're the only one, I had given my all.
& now I could only see that, you're the only one who hurts me the most. =)
Anyway, I want to appreciate all the people. =D
Thanks Zhenglin for hearing me out. =D
& teaching me the way to forget him.
I'll try eh. =D
Maybe you should try being a counsellor too. =D
& I had a fun time listening to his exciting stories. LOL!
His stupid idiotic way of having his dangerous drive. LOL!~
Zhenglin ehhhhh~ =/
& John, I'm sorry.
Really really sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
But I got a taste of your pain.
& now I understand how you feel.
Sorry.
& thank you for telling me,
how to counter the pain I gave to you,
to the pain I got from him.
& Weijing! =D
Thanks for the encouragement. =D
Meet up meet up meet up! LOL!
Amanda. =)
Meet up meet up too.
Though you lived upstair only,
but we like so long never meet already. =(
Thanks for concerning last night =DD
Madmadmad~
Though we talked lesser nowadays,
but I know you'll be there. =D
=)
Jonathan!
Thanks for telling me not to care. LOL!
& you'll be fine, 3 years are long,
but you'll make it. =DDD
Kevin~
It's just nice to have you to chat with me online,
when I'm feeling really really down. =/
Thanks ah!! :DD
I just appreciate everyone,
who came to my blog,
& came to concern. =)
I'll be fine soon.
After all, what did I learn?
These feelings come and go,
it will cease & ease.
Time will heal.
& life still goes on.
Just like how he told me,
the last time round.
Time to prepare for school. =)
Test later, but I didn't study at all. =/
Wasn't in the mood for anything.
Don't think I'll be in the mood for anything these few weeks.
But I'll be fine in the end. =)
These pain, I'll be able to take it.
& one day, I'll be immune to these pain,
& the pain will just numbed,
& on that day, I'll be able to tell myself,
I love him no more.
& that's when,
I'll learn to move on with my things.
It's going to be easy for him,
but it's going to be tough for me.
But, that's life.
Hate it,
when my life,
just seemed so down.
I just don't seem to be myself,
anymore.
8:20:00 AM
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
TMD, felt so angry with myself.
Sighed.
Dreamt of two things last night.
I died in the dream.
That's all.
& bye.
On a lighter note,
my Term test was great.
Next time when I felt better,
I'll blogged the result.
But for now,
takecare.
11:03:00 PM
& it's tormenting me.
Do you understand?
9:29:00 PM
Like my stomach is not feeling well.
Like I felt like vomitting.
& now,
I felt so upset.
Kept suppressing the tears.
Why do things just bound to happen,
at the wrong time?
I tried to rest just now.
& now, I couldn't get to sleep anymore.
& bad boy, he shitted on my brother's bed,
& now, I kept receiving complaint from my parents,
about me being not responsible enough to take good care of him.
I, myself wasn't even feeling well.
My emotional wasn't feeling well.
I wandered what happened to my body.
It just don't seem right.
& when you felt so vexed over some things,
when more things are added to it,
good game.
I'm seriously not feeling well.
Can I give tomorrow's lesson a pass?
Who wants to accompany me for MC?
Sighed.
If you haven't realise,
I had given my all.
I hope you care, my dear.
But why do you always break me into pieces.
I don't think, I'll be able to sleep well tonight.
I was wandering what were you doing now?
You don't call me anymore.
No more. Wondering who will you call at night?
Because I wasn't the one anymore.
Imissyou.
I'm seriously not well.
Yet, I couldn't go to sleep.
Really hate myself for loving you,
& got myself all torned apart.
I'm the loser.
Sorry.
12:25:00 AM
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Sian.
Cried on the way back.
Don't know why,
just don't ask me why.
Got ignored
It was my mistake.
But, sighed.
Loads of things are running across my mind,
what's happening? Maybe the time of the month is coming,
or it's just plainly that, things are happening.
I'm not feeling well once again.
I hurt myself once again.
I just felt so terrible.
Tell me,
what do I want?
No, you just never understand.
Guess I miss you too much,
& when was the last time,
I meant something to you.
Oh well,
I'm trapping myself,
in all these shits again,
again.
I'm not trying to be emo,
or maybe, I am emo.
Because, emo songs are playing,
on my playlist now.
Just freak care,
since nobody cares anyway.
Been trying hard to fight these emotions,
& now, I give up.
Why can't I stop bothering,
& stop concerning over all these?
It takes two hands to clap.
I was wrong.
I felt...
I got to be fine.
All these will come and go.
It will just go away.
算了。
不在乎了。
反正你也不管。
就彼此彼此吧。
我哭了。
笨蛋
7:32:00 PM
