7:01:00 PM

Lamology~! Invented by me =D

Ohwells, whatever you all want to say, whatever you want to pull the things out to say. I can't be bothered already, I can't control you all. You guys want to believe who then believe who. Like as if I had wrote HuiWen's name in my blog, people who are my friends or whoever friends, don't interfere. Afterall, it's still the 2 of us problems, LiangEng & me =D My friends, you don't need to help me or what one, don't have to go her blog or what to tag. Cause I can't be bothered =D YAY~ Now I let go of it, people still hold on. At least I say my part, I did not do it means I did not. Believe it or not, I don't care. I just have to say, I won't tell crap stuffs to AQUAINTANCE WHO I DON'T EVEN CARE.


Definitation of friends: Someone who know my problems and whom I always hang out with.

Definitation of Aquaintance: Someone who I can't be bothered or rather just a Hi-Bye person which I don't call friend to me =D People will tends to say hi-bye friend but too bad they're counted as a aquaintance to me.


We used to hang out together, still what esther yours, esther mine. Esther also not an object, she want to be with who, I will definitely agreed with her. Say here say there, still saying about stealing friends what. Grow up =D Esther is human, got feelings one not object neither an robot, what you must follow her or follow this one.


To Anonymous: hmmm, please just say out your name. If you hate her then just say out your name, doesn't have to put anonymous. It's nothing wrong to dislike someone. It's just that you must let go of you hatred soon. =D No point ~


Meditation helps XD ! Seriously okay~ At least I know how to control my emotions and stuffs, though I'm still alittle lost at times~ When we talking, I don't shout neither I scold anything. LOLS ! Nice!~ If it's last time ah, cannot imagine~! Whatever shit also come out already. Now, I used the matured way to use talking and not shouting. Shouting the loudest doesn't mean you win, so what for shout LOLS !


Hmmm, life's at home still the same. I want to go out!! YAY~ I managed to hold onto my sleepiness for so many hours yet when I come to the last period, I just dozed off. ARghh~ Just another 35 minutes can~ Now sleeping right at the end and right at the door, people can see that I'm sleeping. Almost scared by YaoChong, he said that when I slept, principal was right at the door and she just shaked her head and went off. Arghh, yet after believing him, he told me it's false stuffs. LOLS !~ Crap right~ Papa also saw me sleeping! So many people saw me sleeping arghh~


I must finish homework today and finished up the Design Process today =D Aspiration LOLS ! Hmmm and then start with the Mogallana board =D Okay~ Back to work~ ByeBye =D



快乐不会长久，伤心也不会长久。
我要快乐，哪怕笑得太大声~

5:23:00 PM

Monday, July 17, 2006

Pirates of the Carribean

Things still happened in school, why can't people just let this things go? Why still cringe onto yourself and thinking of different ways to help or make me suffer? One last time I will be saying, it's over means over, there's no point pondering over it. We choose to stay normal friends already why still want so many things to happen? Afterall why still want to know so much when afterall, you're still outsider =D No offend but purely just a comments because it's true that it just happened between the few of us, why want to get involved in something that doesn't need you at all?


Watched Pirates of the Carribean, a funny show which I will give 4 stars out of 5 stars. I love all the stupid acts that they had and I'm like laughing away. Hmmm, shan't say about the ending because it didn't really end well, must be the part 3 will be coming out so they just end so sudden. YAY~! NICE SHOW!~ Worth to spend your time and money on =D


Haven't had done any homework, I'm dead tonight. Must really finish the function 3, the D&T work by tonight, but I'm very tired =( Can I do tomorrow ? ARghh~ D&T must be handed in tomorrow, I don't like it. Arghh~ I want to sleep early today!! I slept very early yesterday which wasn't the usual me. Just feeling very tired when I want to do things arghh~


I'm getting sick soon, Sore throat and feeling hot right now, hoped nothing happened because A math is teaching something new tomorrow which is Trigonometry Function which I couldn't understand at all. ARghh~


TIRED~!!!! I'm off to bath and do homework, just reach home so what can you expect LOLS ! Oh ya I guess I'm buying a new mouse soon, I'm getting bonker over this mouse but yet in the same time I can pratice patient and endurance XD !! See, buddhism can be pratise in daily life XD !! YAY~


I'm sick =(

9:14:00 PM

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Let go~

Saw Jowell's nick and I remembered Selina daddy said about the definitation of love. It means letting go, setting him free if you love him. Somehow, I guess I had let go alot already, it's just that at that part of time when I saw him, things became different and I tends to cringe over the memories.

Love him, set him free~ If you two are meants to be together, no matter what happened, no matter how far the both of you can get, your karmmic will linked the both of you together no matter what. Maybe that's why I had been in afew failure relationship, because the two of us are not meant to be together. If we are meant to be together, we will still be in the future. This I blieved in it =D !!


Let go of him, set him free just because you love him

10:08:00 PM

SBM~ Piano for my grade 8

I heard from people that I had said LiangEng childish -.-" Why can't people get my messages right, I'm saying that time when we quarrelled, we quarrelled over childish stuffs which means I'm being the one childish too because I'm involved in the childish quarrelling. Lame~


Whatever it is, I had my grade 8 today. The first piece of my song was "Sonate", it consists of 7 pages, I'm dead~ Yet, I must admit that this song is nice! It had 3 parts which had different type of music. One was somehow serious, the second one was alittle cute and the 3rd part was somehow bumping. Overall it's nice! Hmm after that went for SBM, we had a sharing over love. Thought about it and I really feel that I must handle my school work, time management well first before I can get into any relationship. Relationship wants too much commitment and my commitment had gone to SBM, I'm too tired having other factors to happen already. I won't get myself tied down so soon yet, I just want to handle everything well before having another factor to let my life go even more interesting with things happening, be it good or bad.


Love can be pure love that comes from your parents. Parents gave all their love to you and not wanting anything from you back. Yet, my father DO want something back. It's just that I don't say. Somehow I learnt really alot from today talks. Wanted to watch Pirates of the Carribeans but didn't because the tickets were sold. Ate IceKachang and watched the guys played their stupid games. Finally, went home~ Well as liked I say, I don't like home. =D


Things that haven't been done had been piling up. I can't do my A math questions at all, my moggallana board haven't be done. Admin work to be done for the Moggallana~ Hasn't been going shopping for very long time already, hasn't meet up with afew of my friends for a very long time. Had to do some time management already, I will cut down alot on my time on Computer. Too much things to worry already, no time for other things. O level is next year, though there's still one year more but I really want to do well, thus I will focus on my studies more, can't afford to let my important exams to have anything goes wrong.


Well, shall stopped here. Too much things to be done, I shall rest my eyes for this little while first =D !


If you really want to make my life worst, you had really done a very good job.

7:28:00 PM

Saturday, July 15, 2006

I'll let it go~

Had a few sms being send to one another, I guess we still had to break this close bond and be just normal friends. I agreed with her, our character really clashed but each time we just quarrelled small little stuffs and will be back again the next moment. Right now, I just don't know why and I'm tired to figure out already. We had settled this down at least, though it came as an bad ending but I shall just accept it. Cried over it just now but I'm okay already. I'll let this thing go and let it be just part and parcels of life that comes and goes. Things are impermanent, don't they? At least I know I treasured her before, it's okay and I know I did not do anything to make things go bitter, I won't filled with regrets. I just wished people cared more for her because I can't do what a close friend can do anymore.


Things weren't be the same, this I know. Seriously, I'm very sad over this but I won't let this emotion to stay long, I promise. I wished no one will interfere into our problems since it's the two of us problems and even you want to care, you just have to care for her health because no matter how much you want to interfere with this problem, it's still beneath the two of us. We had settled it and at least I had choose to ask and use a more mature way to settle things rather than the one that I had used the last time round. Finding backup it's useless because like what I had say at first, it's our own problems and I weren't want to care anyone who try to interfere. I won't care and I don't care. No matter how much the friendship had changed, I will still be concerned about her health.


I will like to clarify, I hope no outsider interfer into our problems. We settled it, just let this things passed~ If you still want to hold onto it, I can't do anything because it's ur choice. Being a buddhist, I must know when to let go and how I'm going to control my emotion. At least for me, once I settled one problems, I will let it past and put it behind me since past means past, it can't be my present nor my future. Future is still unseen, I can only treasure my present. Just grow up seriously, pratice the dharma that had been taught. If it's not the dharma who had teached me so much, I weren't be this wanling today. I will start to turn to fight to solve problems and hang out in the arcade till nights come. I was once the last time but it just the past. Just let it go, I admit I do miss my arcade friends at times but whatever it is, it's past.


Went for a talked today given by Venerable Zhi Xing, all the things he said had been recapping in my head. Conditions, it's because of conditions that made up all the ups and downs in our life. If our life had been so wonderful and everythings go our way, it weren't be call a life. There must be some problems to make us grow stronger and tougher. That's why I love dharma so much because the things that had been taught can be used in daily life and can be pratice if needed.


Seriously, I've been holding on this life for a very long time already, I'm tired and very tired. I will try to keep up with the paces in life. People changed, environment changed, I change and you change. Every single of us changed, this you must agreed. I won't hate anyone, hatred are meant to be let go and once I let go, I weren't let it come back. I must really radiate loving-kindness to those people who had made my life worst, I must thank them because they had made me stronger and understand life more. I'll be back to life soon =D


Impermenant, I will always remember it and letting go of things in life are the things that we actually want from learning the dharma. Letting people to end suffering and letting go of things so that we weren't be craving for stuffs. I learnt to be forgiving to let go of the past =)


I'm sad but I know it's impermanet too, I will be back soon. It's my blog, after reading the past till now, I learnt alot. Really alot during these few years that had been spent. It's something meaningful =D Thank you~



这一次只是其中一次的失败

10:27:00 PM

Friday, July 14, 2006

Went to school and heard that someone had said that I had made her into depression, what the~ It's like it's our own problems, I will settled it with her and asked her what actually happened. There was actually nothing wrong in the first place, I don't understand why suddenly popped out so many problems, that's the problem with school friends. Maybe it's the June Holiday that had made us drifted apart, I never can get to find her. Even by calling her phone, her phone is forever off. I'm sure that I did not do anything, try making this problem big, afterall it's still the problems of the two of us. You can always say anything because I dont' care already, I only want to know what actually she wants from us.


Even if everyone don't believe, then by all means. I knew I did not do it, I can lived without regret at all. Conscious is cleared, I can worry no more. Seriously, how unlucky can one get. Being accused by own friend when I did nothing at all. Just going to school and happily chatting everyday though there's quarrel over very small things that is very lame but we still let it past, afterall I know we weren't be so childish to quarrel over those small stuffs again. So, everyone of you thought that I made her into depression? It's not only one conditions can make you going into depression, there are always alot conditions that make your mental go unstable. At least to the maximum, I know I did not do anything to make our friendship go bitter.


Being the person involved, I don't even know what happened yet when I overheard people saying about this problems, different kind of stories came out. There are always bound to have people who had any O how spread rumours, I knew and I know but I weren't care about the outsiders. I knew who had did it but being a buddhist, I must know how to control all kinds of emotion though at times I lost control but it's just that little while that I lost control of it. I know they made me a leader not for fun but to learn new things from the dharma. From here, I want to thank all of them to give me this chance to learn new stuffs from the dharma and myself.


Sometimes, things never gone that big, we can settled by ourself, it's the outsider who had try to make things worst. Thanks for making my life worst =D ~ I had my stand and I know I never do anything at all, believe it or not. You don't know me at all~ Don't ever judge me~


How unlucky can I get~ ? Being accused 2 times~ Hais~!

11:16:00 PM

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Nonsense

I felt much much more better after calming myself real down, shall write all these in a more proper manner, hmmm shouted at audrey because she started it first and i hate to be accuse wrongly and this is really very wrongly, furthermore there's no point she poke her nose into our problems because initially we will settled it by ourselves, this is really a very childish case. I might not be bothered about it anymore, what for get angry over these kind of stupid things -.-" At least I don't get angry for so long, it's just that while only~ =D If LiangEng wants this stupid things to continue and continue to ignore me, then by all means. I weren't be so lame till I go and creates problems for myself. I will always remember karma, thus I will not go around saying bad things about others. I can even swear to the buddha and I took five precepts which is one is that "No Lying", I weren't lie over these kind of stuffs.


Seriously, it's lame. Grow up please, what steal friends? If friends can be stolen then what are they? An objects or what -.-" And don't come tell me whatever pangseh because I really find it very childish, why must it be that you have to accompany one another always and when one goes away, you say that they pangseh their friends? I mean it's really lame, why don't you go out to work and the few of you went to different kinds of work because you have different kinds of passion, so you can also say they pangseh because they left you alone in this work that only you liked and went away to find their own passion. Please, they are your friends? Give me a good reason why must there be always the few of you to be together and if you're left alone, you claimed they pangseh. Just one good reason is enough already, I doubt any can give it to mi. Be independent please!~ If you want to have someone to be with you forever, you will never grow.


Sometimes, I really really cannot tolerate being with people who have a childish mind. It's not that I'm saying that I'm matured already, but when you're with people who have a childish mind, somehow or another you just feel weird. All these post I'm not saying any particular person, I'm saying it in generals. I don't want to have another stupid blog that scolds one another, it's lame can~ Hais, why being in secondary school already, I have to go through this kind of childish stuffs, why can't people grow up and think maturely. What shit pangseh, what shit steal friends, all crap and nonsense.



Somehow, I still cannot trust anyone. Sorry~
Sometimes, there were actually no problems yet you wanted to create yourself. Furthermore, I thought we used to TALK out, why aren't you talking it to me?

10:30:00 PM

What is this?

I can't believe that my own friend actually accuse me of saying her, what the? What's more stupid is that she claimed that I said that she stole my friends? She's already my friend, how is she going to steal my friend? Nonsense right! How childish can one get, we're already a 15 years old girl, why are there such childish things still happening now? Sometimes, I really cannot tolerate people who are way too childish, grow up kids! Now everyone blames me for everythings. Everyone say that I left her alone, then when I'm alone who am I going to blame? We did ask her to come down but she did not reply so we thought she didn't want to go down.

And it's our own problems, why is there other people who is interferring? I cried yes I cried, but I don't show it to anyone, I cried yesterday just because I felt being insulted by the seniors and they just threw me out to handle the sec1. It's not first time already, it's alot of times already. She always go with XiangYu when we're in guides, then when I'm left alone who can I blame? Please looked around, I'm the one that is being left alone always, not her. I can go anywhere by myself but if she wants to go anywhere I will accompany her when she's alone but she don't at SOMETIMES. NOT ALL THE TIMES! PLEASE GET THIS ALL CLEARED. What do you guys mean that when she suffered, we don't suffered? I suffered too, you think only she has alot problems? Then what about me? Everyone only knows how to fight for the one that cries, that why I never like to cry infront of people showing how weak I am and how much I needed others. I DON'T! You have no rights to interferring with anythings.

Now I know my own conscious is very clear, I can even swear to buddha that I never say it at all. CURSE ALL YOU GUYS LIKE, SPREAD ALL THE RUMOURS YOU WANT, I'm GETTING ENOUGH FROM THIS REALITY. I can't believe that a friend that I called it true, accuse me of something and making me into deep troubles.

My life is already freaking sucky, thanks for making it worst, you have really did a very good job. I still couldn't believe all these, too real to be true. It's a curse, every year there will be something that happened on me and people will start accuse me of somethings. It's really very enough already. Seriously, after these few years, I had enough of friendship problems. GET ME OUT OF IT ! I shall not have any close friends anymore, I shall keep everything to myself. Only WaiYee & Esther know the truth, they were my close friends too, at least they knew I did not do anything wrong and I did not say anything. What is the heaven will I tell nonsense to someone who is just a hi-bye aquaintance, try asking Esther & WaiYee, truth lies beneath them. I can't be bothered anymore.


I dont' understand why shit happens on me. I have no strength to even care for my family problems and alot more, why am I still here trying to care about all these. I thought you were my friend, even if anyone tell you stupid stuffs, I thought you will stand up for me but no, I was very wrong, you believed and now making everyone to accuse me of something I did not do. The whole sec3 express accuse me of all these nonsense.


I was about to cry during english lesson, I really wanted to turn to someone, but none that were free at all, I can't possibly sms someone when they're halfway in their work or school. I cry because even if other people accuse me of doing something, I weren't be that sad but I was accused by my own friend. HATE ME ALL YOU WANT, I JUST WANT TO PASS THESE ONE AND A HALF YEAR PEACEFULLY, STOP GETTING ME INTO NONSENSE STUFFS. I'm NOT ONLY SAYING THESE TO HER BUT EVERYBODY.


GET THE HELL OUTTA OF MY LIFE!!
I DON'T NEED ANYBODY ANYMORE, SO MUCH OF A REALITY.


I'm contradicting myself, I don't want to care but yet why am I crying right now even by writing this stupid post, I cried too. How am I going to let go of all these, I tried so much that my heart hurt so much. Guess I have to turn to meditation for help =( BUDDHA, please enlighten me!


Crying doesn't even help in relieving stress anymore, whatever it is, I will still smile and covered every single little weakness I had. It's already enough, really enough. Why am I always being treated this way when I did nothing at all. To this whole wide world, accuse me of all you want, hate me all you want, hurt me all you can. I knew about this cruel reality that you can trust no more, love no more and care no more because the one who is getting the most hurt will be you all along. You hurt me too much~


一切的残酷世界，我明白了。

5:11:00 PM

I don't like~

So everything goes with rank, even the things that I favour? Sometimes, when you feeling real down and people came along to make you feel even worse. Eventually, getting you into tears. The more they say, the worst you get. At times when I want to find them to talk about something but they definitely made me feel worser and worser.


Sometimes, the things that he said don't help me instead he making me feel bad and cry just because of all these craps. Sorry doesn't help when you really hurt one. Why always vent anger on me when it's not only my fault, it's the majority fault? So, I was borned to be treated this way because I'm always being treated this way.


I know and I knew that crying don't help but when you get so depressed that nothing can helped you, I can only use my tears to relieved the inner unhappiness. Afterall, who am I to blame? It's me, because it's me who live my life. I can choose to stay happy or sad but I just don't know how to be happy.


回忆只能让人流泪

12:03:00 AM

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Alone~

Had been alone for these few days, though what you seen is not actually what you truly see. At least I'm okay with it since had been really used to it already. I don't like people who attitude me, once you give me attitude, I made sure you will get it back. You shout at me for no good reason, I will definitely shout back unless I'm the one at fault.


I'm super disappointed, I don't even know anything about the GOH yet I'm being threw out to teach the sec1 from my own friends, none want to accompany me. Whatever~ Supposed to command the squad yet the sec 4 came back and I'm back into the squad~ They said they will pass it to us when they go yet they didn't at all. Had to pump and everything~! I'm super sad but who can actually understand, none cares about it. Pumped two times, 1 time was an example another was to pump with them and I'm not that late at all. It's not fair to me at all & they asked me not to go over to ask them to come over. Whatever I'm unhappy with, I can't say otherwise I will get scolded for disrespecting the seniors. Other peoples get to command and when it's my turn they will try to command it. I'm just way too sad to express it.


Friends? Typically I don't want to trust that much anymore. Enough is enough, I shall do my own work from today. Don't bothered about anything will be my life from today onwards. Whatever it is, called me a failure~ I don't want to care~ No one will likes it when your own friends actually threw you aside just because among the few of you, two need to go. I don't tell the real truth to anyone, I knew it myself at least I know my conscious is cleared.


I still don't understand about functions~ What to do now? I've absolutely no one to find to help me with it~ Arghh! So much of a mixed feelings~


I'm feeling so alone right now, but whatever it is. It's my life~ I'll stay strong throughout these few years. Starting to feel left out~ Whatever =D


这个世界，不属于我。

9:58:00 PM

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

BLOGGING~

Shall start with yesterday, nothing much about it. Forgotten to bring my key, thus went to the library to study and I must really say that library is a good place to study when you only find the good spot. I was studying happily when a couple came in and started to do whatever things they can and talking out loud. Arghh~ Done with all my stuffs and quickly went off because time is running out.

Met up with LiYun to get my belt and then headed off to SBM for the Full-Moon Meditation. Had a very bad backache and neckache thus I couldn't really concentrate well and the noise coming from downstair really very loud & alot of distractions coming here and there =( After that we celebrated Lindy & Anghwee's birthday YAY!! Shall post on moggallana blog soon LOLS !


Hmmm, today is a really bad day. Keep falling asleep even though I slept early yesterday, I shall not sleep early today already since sleeping early will make me even more tired! While sleeping late and I can wake up feeling very freshed! I'm a weirdo, what to do? Had been suffering from memory loss recently, I don't know why! I can't remember much things that happened recently and even I forgotten people's birthday! It's forever like this, I can't even remember which date i'm in and have to be reminded serveral times. Guess I had been playing the PC and talking on the phone too much that it actually hurt my brain cells? Is it? They say talking on phone have alot radiation and causing you to hurt your brain cells =(


Hmmmm, my mouse had been giving me alot of the problems, sometimes it just don't work and I've to restart my PC all over again to get it working! How stupid is this? Mousy, please wake up and do your work can! I don't want to spend money on another mouse okay!


I'm a good girl already! I did my homework but I really don't know how to do Functions, who can teach me at this time? Homework must be passed up by Thursday, no one can helped me. =( I'm feeling so frustrated right now! HELP ME WITH MY A MATH =( *cries*


Sometimes, I prefer keeping things to myself. Used to say everything out last time but not now anymore. At some part of times, I really don't know who to turn to. I'm feeling empty again~ Hais~! Whatever~!!!

眼泪不听话~

8:58:00 PM

Pain Pain~

Just finished blogging Moggallana blog~ I shall blog my blog later on since it's so late already =D Sorry~!! My back really ache alot from saturday till today. My neck has an ache too~ Arghh~! Whatever~

*ache please go away* =D

12:01:00 AM

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Hais

I'm really very sad, it's not angry. It's just typically sad really~ I told them I don't want to continue my grades they insisted ever since i'm in grade 4. I don't like to play the piano as a exams but I like it as a passion but no one understand, talked to them is like talking to a wooden log. Whatever it is my fault my fault and my fault, curse all you liked. You all only know how to add into my stress what do you all know. You know how hard I try to live my life anot.


You don't believe I will die, try it, I made sure you see it right infront your eyes and you shall be guilty for it. No killing, I can break the precepts if you want me to. Since you given the life for me and now you wish so much that I be off dead, that's a great one. I'll only treat those people who are worth to be treated nice for. You keep saying that I'm a buddhist and I can be liked that but please looked at yourself, are you worth for me to treat better to? You're not even worth to~ I'll never never ever forget the things that had happened at the Kwang Ming Shan. You accuse me of nothing at all. You're always so unreasonable that made me don't want to go home. You know what people had loved going home, but I'm not. I'm the odd one out where everyone wanted to go home and I kept saying I don't want go home. Going home to quarrel is so much of a fun right, then by all means.


How to be forgiving when all shits happened on me and only me. You know how much I hate my life anot, nobody knows this kind of feeling. I can try all my best not to cry for so long but I broke down today. I don't write everything to my blog since I knew there are alot people who're reading it. At least I don't want to attract attention~ I don't say doesn't mean there's nothing that happened, so many things happened but I don't say a single things out. I knew all kinds of things happened, I experience everything before. It's not good things, but it's shit~


Just no one can understands anything about me, not even the people who are closest to me. Nobody can understand the situation and I'm really tired already~ How can I say I'm not tired when I'm typically mentally and physically very tired. I can't be deceiving myself that much~ Enough is enough~ Stop pressurizing me!


Don't think that only adults had problems, you pushed all your problems onto me! What a GREAT parents I had~! I can give up everything totally. I act like nothing had happened so much that it's really overwhelming. *ROARS* ENOUGH~


I've rant too much~
Sorry~


Whatever it is, it's all my fault~
I've accepted it!

这是我的命运，我没办法！

10:08:00 PM

Too many things =(

Guess I've had my time management, things had been going wrong alot. Piano teacher had asked me to withdraw my grade 7 exams and go straight to grade 8 if not I will be staying back to continue my grade 7 but he knew that time is not enough, there's too many things to be praticed yet I still haven't finish. Exam pieces supposed to have 3 pieces but I only managed to finish 2, and the 2 were really very bad. Sight Reading, Oral test & Scales are not yet done. I'm stucked in the middle of no where.

If i continued my Grade 7, I will be wasting my money because I haven't finish all those citeria. What if I failed? I'll be wasting the 200+ money. And if teacher wanted me to retake Grade 7, I'm confirmed taking it on March and wasting 200+ more money. If I go for Grade 8, I will be backing out from the exams and getting only half of the money back. Though it's a better choice, but I must pass it no matter what. I can only have Grade 8 or nothing. This is really very bad, I never had this kind of things before. I finished every of my grade so smoothly and now I'm in Grade 7 already, things went so bad.


I'm afraid that when I took Grade 8, my O level are near. My mother is crazy, she doesn't care even if it's O level. Arghh~ I just want to cry!! Who can help me?? How am I supposed to think on the bright side of life?? I'm right in the middle of no where, I don't even know where to head to. 我真的好烦！！How am I going to survived? Even buddha can't even helped me with this, no dharma had been praticed about all these. This rock on me is really very heavy =(


Well, shall not say much anymore. =( Yesterday, went for Fencing course and I'm being choosen as the demostrator and I made a fool out of myself but everyone laughed so it's okay =D The teacher is nice too!! Now, I know that Liang Eng is really very rough the way she want you to be poke and lose is really too overwhelming. Seriously, I dislike people who die die also want to win but what can I do? Just to let them win as much as they liked~ Hais~!


After that rushed to SBM and I was being given a certificate which included the things that needed to be done for our house. Well, I will try all my best to do for all of you =D Afterall, Moggallana rocks right!! Hmmm, after that we did our refudge and gotten our Buddhist name. It's Kusala which means merits. I'm happy happy!! It's a nice name right~! Hmm after everything and played around, Alvin slapped me so I slapped him back with a hard one !! YAY~! Don't you ever bully me because I've learnt fencing right now XD ! Watched soccer after that, the people there were rough ! Climbed the red string and I only managed to reach half, I will be on the top next time no matter what!


Right now, I'm so crazy about all those piano things and my back really hurts alot. I don't know why but once every step I took, it's like there something to hurt me! I'm in pain, in doubts and troubles~ ARghhh~! Slashed me now~ Hais~ Feeling so helpless right now, who can actually helped me with the pain and troubles.


*cries*

12:08:00 PM

Saturday, July 08, 2006

*puff*

HELLOS~!!!


Yayy~ I learnt fencing today!! Shall elaborate more tomorrow, it's was a super rushed day for me. I'm super tired right now! Woke up at 7.45am and went to school to have our GOH marching. Went off at 1030am, took Xiangyu's dad car over. Thanks!! After that finished at 2.30pm and went home to bathe and rushed to SBM~ It's 11pm right now, I had survived 16 hours! Anyway I got a buddhist name =D Shall blog more about it when I had regained my energy~


::Throw magic powder::

*POOF~*

11:02:00 PM

Friday, July 07, 2006

BBQ of Jez

Had an early dismissal and went over to Simei, after that went home and rest. Bathe and set off for East Coast and alighted at Tanjong Katong Complex to wait for KimJun, after awhile we took cab over and we started to slack there. Yes, we really slacked there. After a very very long timeeee, WeiRong & Travis came. The others had decided not to come at the very last minute, at least WeiRong & Travis came no matter what. Played a few games and I got the stupid purple and I'm supposed to get a kiss from Jez, it's like it's been so long since I got kissed -.-" But at least I'm lucky that I didn't get the kiss like the one that her friend got it. Had to kiss for 15 seconds and Jez actually stick out her tongue LOLS !!


They came at 11pm and I had to go home in afew more minutes, things happened at that time. Shocking news were given out by Jez and I'm really suprise. She wanted to quit school. You know, her studies had been really very good all these year from Primary School. She started saying she has good news for us but I never thought it was these. Before I went off, she was very emotional. I really can feel the pain she really had, the way she shouted is really heartbreaking. She said that people had been saying that she's a bitch and she'll die if she don't have a guy. WHAT THE HELL~ I mean, I'm really very angry about those people who had said it, at least I know she's not.


All these years, she had been the most cheerful girl in my whole life, yet today she broke down. I even saw her smoking which I remembered that she had told me that she'll never smoke. She said that all these smiles were fake, she's trying all her best to fake out all the happiness and be as crazy as possible but actually no one really understands how she feels. I know this kind of feelings where you really had to fake out your smiles when you're hurt and sad inside. I think this is the time where she really breaks down. Schools are suffering, parents never know how tough school were now. They just force you going to school and only school. How much can we continue to handle these kind of mental stress? I felt so helpless, couldn't even help a person who had actually cheer up my life all these while =( Yes, I'm a loser~


After chatting alittle with WeiRong, he said that later if my dad came he wanted to lombang but in the end they haven't eat so they did not follow me back to bugis =( I just see him just for 5 minutes and why must my dad and mum be so fast in coming to fetch me!! WALIAO~ Yet again the feeling came back but at least this time we chat alot !! No more that awkwardness that we used to have. Afterawhile went home =( I'm sadd~ When can we ever meet again~ ARghh~!! Suddenly really wished that we could get back to the past. I admit lah~ Imisshim =/ Ooops, but nahh~ It's just a moment of happiness&missing =( He wanted to quit school again~ hais~!! How many of my friends are quitting school. The friends I used to meet up during weekends had all quitted school already, now it's my primary school friends. =( Hais~ Educations really suck too much.


Hais~ Imisshim~! Arghhhh~ stupidd!! LOLS it's just a moment of happiness =D


就算我们已回不到从前，但那种感觉还依然存在着。

11:51:00 PM

I'm feeling like a loser lah please~ I've no moods to do anything totally, thinking of wasting money to buy another book is really stupid and I lost it during my school hours and it's not like I put it there for weeks and never touch it. Why are the such peoples on earth? Can't they be diminished? It's my book afterall~!!! Buddha, please teach them a lesson LOLS ! ARGHHHHHHHHH~


STOP TOUCHING MY PROPERTY~! *BITES*

12:49:00 AM

Thursday, July 06, 2006

ARghh~ Sick again =(

School was boring today, keep sleeping and sleeping. The weather is too good for me to sleep. I've lost my Chinese book =( Someone had steal it~ You stupid, making me waste money again. I lost my Physic&Chinese book all because people had steal it. ARghh~!! Is it my book is special from others that you had to steal mine?


I'm sick right now again~ How many times am I supposed to be sick in a year? It just suddenly come and hit onto me =( Why is it always me again =( Tomorrow have an early dismissal and I'm got to meet my mum and then off to go to meet my friends at pizza hut but I'm not sure if I'm going since I'm sick right now.


"I want your holiday homeworks & functions work to be handed by tomorrow", said Mrs Lim. It's my A math teacher, I'm dead and officially dead by tomorrow. I'm sick right now and how am I supposed to finish up the homeworks by tomorrow? Slept from 7pm to 10pm and I just woke up not long ago. I'm supposed to sleep till 8pm but I woke up 2 hours later.


Been handling afew things in life, hope I can manage it well. I had just sent a incomplete information down and I'm really very guilty of it. Sorry~!! Hais~ I'm feeling super guilty right now =( ARGHHH *ROARS* Bad things always happened~


FRIDAY TOMORROW !! LAST DAY OF THE WEEK!!


我没有力气在爱任何人，所以我暂时还不需要任何人来爱我。

11:02:00 PM

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

=(

I HATE A MATH!!!!! WHO INVENTED A MATH!! You're one of the biggest stupid creatures in the whole wide world.

*ROARS*
::OPEN MOUTH WIDE WIDE:: XD !!

11:19:00 PM

Wednesday again~ =(

School as usual, went to lab to do experiencements and I seriously love the purple colour that we had mixed out with sodium hydroxide and Universal Indicator. Had an early dismissal from Assembly for the first time and went down to have lunch. Finished everything and went for GirlGuide.

Was sitting in a corner because my gastric was very pain, Sumita sat beside me and she was cursing away about buddha. It all go like this, she said that because she believed in buddha that when you lived your life happily, you will never get any unlucky things happened. It's crap please. Spent alittle time telling her about it and finally she understand. There's always thing happened in life and it's the way that you looked at it. It's not buddha fault for those unlucky things that happened, furthermore the unlucky thing that you had faced was just that you forgotten to bring PE tee. Had you really faced even more unlucky things that you had never ever faced before? Buddha is there to teach us the dharma and how to pratice them when we need it, and not others else. He's there to guide us not help us out. It's ourself who is controlling our life, you can just take the guidance from buddha.


Seriously, I cannot stand people cursing buddha for nothing~


Math day tomorrow~ How can I survived? I'm dead on saturday too~ ARGHH~ *Roars*


笑一下，不代表我快乐

9:13:00 PM

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

CRAP HOME~

What is it so nice about putting my hamsters outside? Don't you have a brain please, there's cat all around walking, you want my hamsters to be inside their stomach, do you? You are trying different kinds of crap trying to talk to me, what so good about putting my hamsters in some grass patch, do you think they can live? FAT HOPE~ How heartless can you be, please tell me? Why don't you throw yourself outside the house, why don't you live in the grass patch. Don't try to talk crap stuffs to me, I no longer will crap with you on these SERIOUS MATTER. At least, it's serious to me~!


And what is it to be quarrelling over some really small matters about the milo and the way I made my milo. This is really crap, no one will faced this kind of crap stuffs. Quarrelling over some stupid things are all you guys liked? I've enough ! JUST SHUT UP~!!!!!!! Tears are crap, stop rolling down. I don't say anything doesn't mean nothing happened, it's just that I don't want to be a burden to anyone!~ I don't tell all the things to my blog like I normally do~ Suddenly, so so so empty inside.


I just wanted peace~ ARGHH *ROARS*

10:55:00 PM

School again~!!!

It's school today again, we had changed seat. I changed to the seat which is behind my orginal seat. A very good seat though without much reflections but people's head started to block my view -.-" Oh wells~ I'm short, just too bad~


Had alot of free periods today and I spent it on those works that I hadn't been touching since holiday~ I managed to finish my E math homeworks! CONGRATS ME~ Now, I'm left with A math, and I hate A math~ *ROARS* Whatever~ Nothing much to be blogged, things happened in school are always being repeated. I'm having CCA tomorrow, I hope the juniors will not do anything wrong please.


Jez jie having BBQ on friday, might be able to see weirong again? XD !! I'm so so so tired nowadays, let me freeee~!!! I'm going to be sick soon!! Sickening, finding myself feeling very heaty again. Arghh~ Please remember to remind me to remember to remind myself to drink water XD~ Okay I'm right here crapping! It's gotta be a long day tomorrow, please pray hard nothing happened~!!


Time to start mugging but no motivation hais~


有时，一些事常常藏在心中说不出口。
我真的好累了！！

At least I know, no one cares.

8:12:00 PM

Monday, July 03, 2006

Procastination~

I've been slacking for these few days already. When is the last post that I had written? Is it the one that is on saturday? Arghh~ Whatever, shall start from Sunday. We had a celebration for Sister Su, it's her 1o8th Birthday!! YAY!~ After that we went to the Sentosa, played around and I got touched by a angmoh~ ARghh~!! I hate you! He was holding my wraist and when I walked off, I just shouted "What!" Arghhh~ Alittle bit laggy but ARGHHHHHH~!~ Whatever~


After that we had fun and Jowell & I were like walking round and round~ They said that Palawan Beach is haunted~ *Scary* We left alittle later where no ones were around the beach anymore, the sun went down and the whole beach is so dark. It's scary~!! But, I loves the wind alot. We went to the toilet after walking away from the beach and I found out that I'm sunburnt~ Oh wells!! Finished the day by spending in the Macdonald =D


Watched SuperMan Returns today, we had some confusion that ZhenFeng & Bertina was the organiser and it's actually that Zhen Yu is the organiser not Bertina!~ LOLS ! I wasted my 7 bucks because I was sleeping away happily and woke up when I didn't know what really happened. I'm just too tired can~ You can't blame me~ BOO! School is starting tomorrow, another boring day as usual~ Saturday will be a very busy day for me, had to rush to the Tampines for some prayers and then to the GirlGuide for the Fancy Course and then to the SBM~ YAY~! One of the things that made me look forward to every Saturday~ Well, but there's still long way, it's tuesday tomorrow~ OH WELLS!



TWO of the people who had made up my night, having their companions.


There's still alot alot people who had made up my days, YOU know who you are =D I sincerely, really treasure all of you xD !! Thanks alot =DD

10:48:00 PM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

SBM~

Woke up at a rather late time and started to prepare to go for SBM when my brother asked if I want to have lunch with him, thus I agreed. Yet, I'm late because of this~ LOLS! Took 133 over there and I really have to admit that I hate this bus because I lost my ez-link in the bus 133 and I'm always late when I take this bus no matter how early I started to wait for the bus, there's always bound to get me late.


Had a talk about friends, friends had been an issue that I put alittle emphasis on it already, maybe afraid of knowing that you had a good friend but when somethings happened, if the friendship isn't strong, both of you will drift apart. It's through experience if you would like to trust your friends anot. There's too many cases of friendship breaking up and backstabbing I've seen, I knew what type of people who they are even though I don't say. I really miss the innocent days that I had, where everyone has their most pure heart. I rather someone telling me straight in the face that " I don't friend you anymore " than to backstab me. It's hurt more than anything~ Shan't elaborate any further, I don't want to think back the past. Bittersweet memories stayed. Almost cried, suddenly feeling so empty, not because of the past but... shan't say any futher either.



LiangJian had been very nice, he bought a handphone accessories for us. Cute right!!


ShiXiong & ZhenFeng had been very nice too by buying a 小Buddha.


I'm so touched!! At least, even they gone oversea, they still think of us!~ YAY~!! I'm happy~!! Thanks alot! The little small doggy still will make cute sound!~ Cute right!!


Will be going Sentosa with SBM tomorrow, it seems like I had been spending alot of my times with them, yet I still felt so lost. Whatever it is, I'll be having fun tomorrow. Definitely, I guess.


I don't like copycat, I don't like people copying the way I do my blog's template, I don't like people copying the song I put, I don't like the way people copy my dressing, I don't like the way people don't have their own sense of orginality. Seriously, I don't. Get lost if you're one of them~



一切变了，回不到从前

11:18:00 PM

Stupid~

I blogged yet I forgotten to publish it and happily press the cross at the top right hand corner. How stupid can I go? Right now, it's 1.32am and I'm right here blogging. Just finished watching a super scary movie "Zu Le Yuan", I shout like nobody's business right at home and my big bro went behind me and scare the hell out of me. My heart almost stopped okay~ It's really a matter of life & death, so better don't scare your friends.


Well, I had to say that I'm fat~! I'm not growing tall anymore instead I'm growing fatter! Anyone has any solution to lose weight, I really need to go on a diet already. 我要减肥啦！！ARGHH~! Just couldn't accept the facts that I had grew fat, i'm sad~ The most weird problem is I always eat alot yet I didn't grow fat yet now when I seldom eat that much and I started to grow fat, what logic is this? I want to lose weight~!! No more fast foods for me anymore~ Get out of my sights!! XD *cries* I want to go on a diet~!! And is there any ways that I can still grow taller?


Someone had been going around telling others that I'm not a good friend as in if I don't like that particular person, I weren't fake out and act as if we are friend, I will just show my attitude off. Mind you, from that point that I know you have that intention of flirting my boyfriend, I don't regard you as my friend already. Perhaps, I don't like to be hypocrite. If I don't like you, no doubts that I will treat you differently and why did I show my attitude off, you know yourself. Why did you want to flirt my boyfriend in the first place when you didn't know him at all. I shan't continued further since the two of us had broken up and it happened for like 5 months ago? Are you being very free that you still want to pull out things to say about me? Yet, too bad~ I treat people the way they want me to treat them, if you are not worth to be treated nicely, by all means. I weren't be bothered if you want to go around telling the whole wide world that how bad I am, at least I know where is my stand is. I have my reason for doing things~ Get lost~


Went to Popular after school to buy my kor's multi-purpose board, yet in the same time, I had done my shopping on stationary. Bought a score book which had Kiss Goodbye~ Shall pratice it soon~! All my score book had been borrowed by my piano teacher and he had borrowed for half year already, he borrowed all the scorebook that I always played and right now I can't play nice song anymore because of his irresponsibility of not returning it. Well, I shall forgive him and I will be praticing my kiss goodbye~!!! YAY~


Hais~
我要减肥！！
总有一天，天下太平~

1:34:00 AM