Sunday, September 30, 2007
The Bottom Line
Keeping your thoughts to yourself won't prevent arguments, so you should speak up.
In Detail
If you're keeping your thoughts to yourself because you think it will prevent arguments, don't bother. Because if you speak up and unleash your more opinionated side, you will see some dramatic results. The people around you right now not only want to know what you think, they want to discuss it with you. Get ready to talk about complex issues, and let your personal feelings guide your argument. Lead with your opinions, but close the argument with facts.
你明不明白我是如此的伤心？
It had been a hardcore day. I woke up really early to accompany my Mum for shopping. She brought me to repair my calculators too ! After that, I met up with Raymond to get my stationary and went off to Payalebar to meet LiangJian. Next, we were studying studying and still studying. It's just the few of us mugging hard in SBM and I hope others are mugging hard at home. :) Now, I'm proud to say that I am about to finish with my revision on Chemistry. :) Next, I'm going to start revising my Physic. :)
I'm going to study really hard today. I had just found out that I'm left with just 18 days which is really pathetic. Damn. I didn't know that time really passed so abruptly please. I kept telling others that I'm left with 24 days and stuffs because I can't be bothered to keep track with the time. Yet, when my brother's girlfriend started questioning me, I counted the days and I got a shock. Hell. I need to score minmum 3 A1 please. I'm aiming to get my Emath, Science, D&T A1. I also need to score a minimum a B3 for my Combined Humanities. Damn damn damn ! There's so much to study. *Pray hard*
I'm going back to my books. Study is my priority now. :) Get the hell out of my life if you are attempting to ruin me. :) I had only thought for the best for me and I had never really taken into any consideration if I had failed to get the course I want. I don't want to think about the " What If...". I just want to go for whatever things I had wanted. :) Wish me luck people. I need your luck. I need Devas' help. I need Buddha's blessing. I need books. :) Most of all, I need my energy. I will try to do whatever I can to take good care of my body. So, don't worry about me yeah. =D
I gotta go my own way.
10:28:00 PM
不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我
再多人陪只会更寂寞
许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可
委屈却没有人诉说
夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多
如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和
舍不得又无可奈何
如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温柔
许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我想我宁可都沉默
其实反而显得做作
夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多
如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和
舍不得又无可奈何
如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温柔
如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
冷漠的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温柔
如果你想起我
你会想到什么
1:19:00 PM
Saturday, September 29, 2007
I had woke up really early today. Last night, I slept at 7pm and woke up in the wee hours. I had 11 messages and 4 miss calls. I'm sorry my dears for not replying, I was just sleeping. Then, I woke up really early today just to study again. It's been really a hardcore day for me. I had studied for more than 5 hours. I was at SBM the whole afternoon after studying in the morning. Victor Tan was really nice to come all the way to SBM to give me the notes to print. :) At night, we played a little card game which was introduced by Alvin. It was maddness ! We screamed, we snatched, we scratched. LOL! After all, we managed to have fun anyway. But, I had a cut on my nail. =( Never mind~ I didn't realise it until the time when I was happily studying and I saw bloodstain on my nail. Aww~
There's SBM tomorrow again. I have to study hard for my Amath then. =D I haven't start my Amath Revision. I'm dead dead dead ! Anyway, I'm about to be done with my Chemistry Revision. Yipee! I love life! I need to start with my Physic soon. There's Science Mock Exam on Tuesday and I'm not well prepared yet. I'm aiming to get A1 for it, so please give me an A1. :) I need to sleep. I woke up at 7am today. So that had proven why I needed sleep so much. I had even promised Anghwee that I will sleep at around 12am or 1am, so I just have to keep to my promise. :)
And I just found out that, my sentence structure was atrocious. :) Sighs. I need to read more books now. I love books. Books are my friends. :) No matter how much I abhor them, I had learnt to love them. =DDD
Goodnight!
你的话总是不能相信。
11:27:00 PM
Friday, September 28, 2007
you used to be mine.
The Bottom Line
When your life doesn't go the way you want it to go, your patience softens the blow.
In Detail
Your life doesn't always go the way you want it to -- this is not news for you, but today it will feel like it. And the sooner you come to terms with the fact that you're not going to get what you want, the better. In terms of a romantic pursuit, don't get upset if things aren't progressing at the pace you would like. There are two people here, and you both have to balance what you want with what the other person is willing to give. Try some patience and take time away from them.
When I closed my eyes, you are the one I missed.
It felt like years since I blogged. I thought I had just blogged last night but I don't know why it felt like I haven't been posting for a week. Damn. Anyway, I had chatted with Anghwee last night. I promised him that I will sleep early every night. The latest time I will be sleeping is at 1am so as to have at least 5 hours of sleep. He told me I really need a lot of sleeps if not I will suffer during the 'O' level periods. Well...
School was pretty tiring for me today. I was studying for my Geography the whole day. Yet, I only managed to finish studying it only before the examination starts. I should have studied yesterday. I was like studying half-heartedly. In the end, I suffered today. I wondered if the things I had written for my Geography was of rubbish anot. Well, I'm really not very sure. I just dumped everything that I can remember into my writing. I hope it is meaningful rather than rubbish after all.
I saw a rainbow today. Is it a good sign ? I don't know. My life has been really sophisticated recently. I just didn't want to care for it any more. After all, if I get affected over it, what will my results be liked? I don't want to waste another year, I'm not going to waste it. I want to get into a Polytechnic. I want to score a 13 points for my L1B4. If possible, I'm hopping to get a 15 points for my L1R5 so as to increase my chances of getting into a good course. :) However, I have to do well for my Humanities first. I'm highly motivated but I'm also very tired due to lack of sleep and rest. :) Whatever it is, I'm going to make it for this current examination. It's just once and for all. Many had looked down on me, I'm going to prove to you guys that I'm going to do well. :)
Goodnight, I'm going to study hard tonight & tomorrow. :) I'm very motivated to do well. I want 7 A's. :)
I love you,
do you even notice it in my eyes ?
6:24:00 PM
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Bottom Line
The time for exploring new locations has come and gone -- stay close to home now.
In Detail
The time for exploring new locations has come and gone -- but it will come around again soon enough. You have to put a cap on your wanderlust and stick close to home for now. Instead of being intrigued by new faces and new places, you have to learn to appreciate the known and familiar. Today offers you a wonderful opportunity to communicate your ideas with the people who really understand you. They can give you proper constructive criticism and help you build something that is meant to last.
Who were there when I needed?
It's been a day that I did not update my blog. I wasn't feeling well. We had a Math Mock Exam in the afternoon and I was studying the previous night. In the end, I suffered from a headache. My headache went worst after I took the Math Exam. So, I just decided to go home and rest. I wanted to wake up at 9pm to study but I slept all the way to the next morning. =( It's not my fault alright, it's my body's fault. LOL! I was just tired. :(
Anyway, I liked the Math test yesterday. It was pretty easy. I hope 'O' level is as easy as ABC. :) I'm not going to post a long post tonight. It's going to be a hard night for me. I'm going to rest and then I will be studying my Humanities. There's Humanities Mock Exam tomorrow. I hope I don't die. :( Goodnight!
I'm starting to like humanities. :)
Oh yeah, I am happy ! You know why, because WeiJing & Shanyuan came to fetch me home. =D But Terms & Conditions, I have to treat them eat. :) Ha! LOVES ! I want to thank Pearson for sheltering me too ! =D I want to thank Melissa for waiting for me. =D LOVES !
Goodnight & Sweetdreams.
我们还会回到从前吗？
6:15:00 PM
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
School was hectic. I could hardly breathe. I was counting the number of hours that I had been staying in school. You know what, it's more than 12 hours ! I mean, who will want to stay in school for 12 hours everyday ? I think I'm crazy. I still like school but I just don't like the works we had from there. I think everyone is really stressed up with all the 'O' level stuffs and I could see that restless feeling in everyone's eyes.
Goodnight my dears. I had studied since morning till now. :) Just a few more hours, I will have to annouce that I had studied for the whole day. :) Alright, I really needed my sleep now. I won't be posting entries as long as liked the past. Everything will come after 'O' level. :) However, I have to disclaim that I might post long entries if I really faced with problems. I mean, I really need some where to vent my anger, my frustrations after all. :)
Goodbye and Goodnight.
There's Emath Mock Exam tomorrow, please get an A1. :)
LOVES !
我告诉自己我得离开了。
因为你已不再关心我了。
1:00:00 AM
Monday, September 24, 2007
I had been studying really hard on my Chemistry. For the second time, I want to start ranting on how terrible 'O' level is. If you really do notice, I think I'm going bonker soon. I need to let out a scream, I need to break down and cry. I had been suppressing my feeling till I couldn't hardly take it any longer. My brain is really drained. I'm really tired. I want to sleep in class yet I have the motivation to keep me going. However, my brain is really very tired. =( I need sleeps and I really need a lot of sleeps. My dark eye circles had worsen. I'm having a break out. I had suffered from insomnia for a week. What's more?
I tell you, I will not come home as early as I wants anymore. I think I will continue to stay at Amanda's place to study then. I miss her. Furthermore, I can't really face the music at home any more. I really can't. No doubt that I'm really feeling very stressed up now. If I'm going to tolerate another nonsense, I will go crazy. So please, give me a stop to everything. I'm fucking tired. I just wish everybody just freaking stop giving me nonsense at least for now. This isn't the time to make me flared up for goodness sake. I aren't any genius. My mood get affected and I just couldn't concentrate anymore. FREAK~
Get lost for now.
The Ambiguity Love Ends.
10:37:00 PM
You've got a lot of good karma points racked up -- today it's time to cash some in.
In Detail
Feel free to consider yourself first today! It's not about being selfish, it's about putting things in the proper priority. For too long, you have been putting the needs, wants and wishes of other people way ahead of your own priorities. This was wise and accomplished a lot of good things for you -- not to mention all the karma points you racked up. But today, it is your turn. Say no to something you don't want to do, and do not feel guilty for doing so.
I think Horoscopes are pretty freaky at times. Are they coincidence or are they just plainly true? I reckon they are always the one who were there when I am at my crossroads. I do believe in horoscopes and I think they are true. But, how can they be true all the times. It's like, I just made up my mind just a few minutes back about my life, and when I clicked on my horoscopes, it came out with the exact things that I had in my mind. Man, are all aries thinking the same as me ? There are millions, billions and zillions of people living on the earth are of the same horoscope as me, are they all having the same feeling too ?
I'm studying my chemistry and I want to finish it by tomorrow. There is a English Mock Exam tomorrow and I haven't study for my English yet. I don't know if it's a paper 1 or a paper 2. Please pray hard it's a paper 2. =D Anyway, I haven't started studying for my Humanities. I hope it doesn't kill. I'm dead. Bye.
12:09:00 AM
Sunday, September 23, 2007
I had been talking to Raymond about the past. I hope things will return what it was used to be. I really miss the past. Now, it's up to us to bring it back. I am really sorry about neglecting them this year. I said my sorry to Forester too. It was all my fault for all this mess. After O's, I will bring everything back to what it is used to be. :) I will try alright. :)
To be honest, I can't cope with my studies anymore. There were so many things to study and I have yet to finish studying. I don't want handle unneccessary stuffs anymore. This is enough to make me go bonker. I don't want to create unneccessary chaos too. I can really say that I'm feeling very emotional whenever I'm back home. Sometimes I get so emotional that I don't want to have any one to contact me. :) I'm sorry. I have my reasons. :)
Anyway, it was fun today after the Math tuition. Pearson joined me at SBM. :) He fried the french fries and it was really very crispy. The way he threw the french fries was really funny too. LOL! I think Pearson didn't really study except to read his Harry Potter and be in his own magical world LOL! Sighs. I like to play but I don't like to study. =( No choice, 'O' level is coming but I can't take a break anymore. =(
Anyway, I talked to Liangjian and I understand everything. No worries. Relationship is out of my mind. I'm stating here because I really do care for my 'O' level. So whoever is telling me about your relationship, sorry, I have no time for it. I don't see a meaning in relationship anymore. Maybe it was because I had been hurt continuously before and that I didn't put relationship in any of my priority anymore. I'm sorry to say that but I can't deny that it was the fact. For your information, I love myself and it's a fullstop. No doubt I do love my friends but I don't have boyfriend and I'm not intending to find one at the moment. Studies come first. If you are serious about me, you will wait. If not, just get lost. =D I don't mind seeing you getting your own happiness from other people though. :) So yeah, please leave me alone about the relationships. I just freaking don't care. :) I treat everyone equally as good friends. :) LiangJian! Thanks for reminding me about I shouldn't involve in relationship issues now. :) I aren't and I'm not going to make myself suffer in relationship issues and then regret. I do know what are my goals, so I know I aren't allowing any other factors to interfere in my future. =D
I will make books my friends. =D
I love you books !
10:07:00 PM
marriage consist of 3 kinds of ring
1st engagement ring
2nd wedding ring
3rd suffering
Before marriage. .
Darling here.. darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... baling there..
Before marriage. .
U DIE,i'll die with u .
After marriage.
"U die, up to u. "
Before marriage. .
U go anywhere. . I follow u.
After marriage. . .
U go anywhere. . up to u.
soo long married. . .
U go anywhere better get lost!!
Before wedding
u are my heart, u are my love"
After wedding
"u get on my nerves. "
Before wedding
"u are sweet and kind just like
Cinderella"
After wedding
"u are worse than godzila"
Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like
it or
not, I'm
stuck with u
After wedding
Roses are dead, I watch blue.U get on
my head, I
will sue u
Before wedding
Every dating he brings u to Shangri-La
After wedding
U want to go, he says u 'wait-la'
Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether
12:46:00 PM
Saturday, September 22, 2007
The Bottom Line
You have visions of what you want in the next year of your life. Get started today.
In Detail
You are in control of your future -- so don't let anyone influence your hopes and wishes or tell you that what you want won't ever happen. It's simply not true. This is a time to gather up your inner strength and stand firm for what you want. An excess of energy could cause you to fly off the handle once or twice today, but no one will be offended by your passion. You have a vision of what you want the next year of your life to be. Go out and get it started today.
Let bygone be bygone.
I was not feeling really well and at the same time, I'm not feeling good. I was having a headache and now, I'm having a stomache. Damn~ It was just not my day. =( I didn't want to contact anyone so I just put aside my phone. I'm sorry friends if I didn't reply your message. It wasn't on purpose. I didn't want to affect people's mood too. I know how to cope with my negativity, I didn't want people to be as negative as I am now. I think I'm just being too stress over studies. When I came back home, my boy was sick and I'm so worried till I didn't want to care any other things anymore. Sighs. I returned home early today after meeting Simon & Raymond & HangQi. Initially, I left Simon alone in the KFC and went off to SBM to have my physic lesson. Then I saw Liang Jian but I wasn't very sure if it was him so I didn't call him. In the end, it was him! I should have just call him and I weren't have to walk so far back under the hot sun. =( I went back to KFC to find Simon again. When it was about the night time, I accompanied Simon back to the overhead bridge and left Raymond & Hangqi alone. Then after accompanying Simon for some time, I saw LiangJian again! He was driving off to the Prata shop ! I didn't know if it was him, so I just told Simon, "It looked like my friend!" then I ran towards the van. It was LiangJian. I got up the van in the middle of nowhere and I left Simon all alone. =( I'm feeling so guilty now. Sighs ! Michelle was damn shocked when she saw me hoping onto LiangJian's van in the middle of nowhere when she was in ShiXiong's car. Liangjian and I were laughing about the whole incident. His facial expression was really funny when he saw me too! LOL!
These few weeks had been really draggy. There were many things happening in my life but I shan't comment much. I just want to be left alone. I will be alright after a while. :) I just needed to sort out my thoughts. I was talking to LiangJian about death when he was sending me back. I felt that my attachment with many things are really strong. I know I ought to have no craving, I ought to have to let go of everything. But seriously, when it comes to feeling, it's really hard. Imagine I were to lose my relative, I don't know how will I be able to cope. Even if I were to lose my pet, I will cry like hell. I just couldn't let go of this attachment. Pardon me, because I'm still young, there were still many things I have to learn and needed to learn. LiangJian told me when someone passed away, you felt like the body was just an object without the soul anymore. It was just some realisation that life just seemed so fragile. And he told me that, it was the time when you sit down all alone and the feeling will then come back and you will get depressed. I understand that. :)
I was talking to Simon about everything when we were in KFC. He really works so hard towards something he wants. He had been a role model for everyone. He works hard to achieve his goal and he did it. No doubt that he had spent tons of time on his D&T but he still make it. :) He told me, parents just wanted their children to study hard. That's all we can do for them. They had spent so much time, money & efforts to bring us up, yet all these while, we had been disappointing them. It's time to do something for our parents. After all, who were the one who were there when we cry? Who were the one who where them when we needed money ? Who were the one who gives us unconditional love? We all know it inside our heart. But ask yourself, how many times did you disappoint them. Seriously, I really don't know how to help my friends when they chose to drop out of school while some retained and yet they didn't take their second chance seriously.
Although some parents have their divorce and the children are the one who suffered. But when you really go and think deeply, you think your parents aren't sad that they can't give you the best that they can give? After all, you are their children. You are their blood, their genes, their bones and everything. They invest so much on you and you turned your back to them because of their mistake they had done in their marriage? Sometimes, children just don't know how to love their parents. I'm part of the people but I had learnt. Although I don't always tell them that I love them but I do everything with an actions. I respect them when they disallowed me to do something. I do things when they want me to. It's all this little bit and pieces of things that would tell them that you love them, just like how they had done for us. :)
I'm going to mug really hard from tomorrow morning onwards. Tonight will the the only night I will rest. I think my health is not getting any better any more. I had been getting sick every now and then. I don't want to get sick anymore. It worries me that I am fearful that I won't be able to take my 'O' level when I'm sick during that period. :) I'm taking care of myself. :) Don't worry! =D
LiangJian & Simon, thank you for the meaningful conversations today. =D
And goodnight. :)
I shall say goodbye to MSN. =D
Bug me off the MSN alright. =D
And I miss Amanda Sim! =(
I want to study with you again. =D
你还会记得从前的从前吗？
10:23:00 PM
Friday, September 21, 2007
Try and stay grounded in your everyday life -- it will help you handle bad news.
In Detail
You've been riding high on cloud nine for quite a while, and deservedly so. But you will have to come back down to earth very soon -- so get prepared for a big dose of reality today. It will come in the form of shocking news or an update about a friend's relationship. If you can try and stay grounded in your everyday life, you can balance the good days and the bad days and not be affected by the roller coaster ride that life can take you on from time to time. Keep your feet on the ground.
My horoscope is just so true. Sighs.
Sometimes, I don't know what's the problem on you guys. I'm glad I have a close friend who had advised me. It was for my own good. I know. No matter what, I'm still not really happy on how you guys had said about me. :) I'm not finding trouble or anything. I just needed somewhere to vent my frustration on. People, I don't know how you guys had thought about me, I don't really give it a damn anyway. But since my friends are there to advise me, I shall just try to listen to them. And please, think twice before you start saying things about me. Don't you think it's pretty childish to do that ? The reason for saying me is really unreasonable too.
For your information, I shall write the meaning of backstab.
It means - To say one's untrue things behind their back.
So, if you still don't know me. Or you don't understand me, just simply stop saying everything. Those who knows me well, they can judge. Those who aren't, why are you treating me so unfairly when I did nothing to you? Don't you think it's really unfair to me? What is it happening in the human race ? I'm affected over the words you guys say. Not that I was sad for being said things about me, I accept criticisim but I don't accept untrue stuffs. I call you guys friend. Why are you guys treating me like that ? Funny. It's really funny. Can you just simply leave me alone ? As for my true friends, thank you for being there. :)
Don't ask me what's about this post. I'm not going to say. Because I'm just freaking disappointed. Sighs. Go Away~
The memories still linger around.
9:47:00 PM
Thursday, September 20, 2007
You my beloved and you are my life.
School is really a dragful one today. I didn't even feel like going to school but Dad says I should go for it. Sighs. I have the feeling that I will fall sick soon. Roars! I had slept throughout my English lesson and I was refreshed after that. However, I got really tired towards the end of school time. Aww~ I should start blaming my brother for talking for so long and he was loud. I don't know how long I had been listening to his conversations, but I know I was sleeping and yet, I was alert too.
After school, I went to mug with Pearson & girls but the girls went home first. :) Pearson and I were having a break and then we went to have a walk in school. It's pretty scary to walk in school at night though. I just don't like to go to school at night. It's just so pretty freaky. The two incidents that I was involved in during the camps were enough to scare me off from school. So yeah, I hope they don't come scaring me again.
I'm trying to think of something to write about but I'm really very sleepy. Sighs ! Never mind. Let's just call it a day. =D Goodnight my dears. :)
Horoscope for the day:
The Bottom Line
You need to slow down today -- you're leaving too many important people behind.
In Detail
You need to slow down today -- don't come to a full stop, but you should take your foot off the gas! You are in danger of getting a speeding ticket from the person you're closest to in life. It seems that you're leaving people in the dust, and not noticing that they are getting smaller and smaller in your rearview mirror. Stop everything, turn around, and make your way back to them. They won't be waiting much longer. Make your reunion sweet, considerate, and full of contrition.
How am I going to slow down when I don't even have the time. Sighs, I'm so sorry my friends. I didn't meant to leave you guys behind. It wasn't in my intention. So please forgive me. It's merely a month away. Please understand my situation though. I'm sorry I can't be there all the time when you guys needed me. I'm really sorry. I'll promise to be there for everyone after my 'O' level. It's my wrong to neglect all of you. So, I sincerely seek for your forgiveness. (:
I have to start saying that,
Pearson is really a human dustbin. xP
读书死， 死读书， 读死书
10:43:00 PM
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Alston with that his poor head. LOL!
He had knocked onto the furniture in the furniture store. LOL!
Jordan with his Master Degree! CUTE ! :)
I got the photos from my cousin. :) I think my little cousins are really cute. :) I miss them ! I miss the times when they called, " Wanling Jiejie!" Ahh! It melts my heart please ! And I really liked the way Jordan had always say his goodbye with a little bit of misprounciation, "Mye! mye!" AHHHHH! They are so cute please !
I had been studying for the whole day since 8am in the morning till 8.30pm. Great ! I think my braincells are running out soon. I hope it will replenish as much as it can before I start complaining again ! Now I know how bad my mood can go when my energy is running low. Sighs !~ I didn't sleep in class for the first time in this term. I was trying my best to stay awake all these while even during Mdm Ernie's lesson. Usually, I just lie on the table and start sleeping. She has always been going against me ever since last year. I don't like her. Yes, I detest her. She had recognised me as one of those people who are needed for consultation. Sighs!~ I just don't like her lessons. Roars !
After school, I was trying to search for my Amath Ten-years series but I had officially lost it. When I get to the Popular in Singapore Post, they had ran out of stocks. I tried to get my pens too but it was also out of stocks. When I on my Ipod, it was out of battery. My phone was about to run out of battery too. Sighs, it was just not my day~ ROAR! LOL!
I went back to school for the night studying with Pearson & girls. :) The aircon was freezing me. My mind couldn't think any more and it stopped functioning. In the end, it was rather unproductive due to the environment. LOL! I think I can study better outside the staffroom instead of the school library though ! Anyway, there was a time when we took a break and we went out to take a walk. I told Pearson about my encounter with that thing and he kept scaring me. At that part of time, Mrs Tan-Sia walked past and I scared myself. -.-'
Yadah.. Yadahh. That's the end of my day. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. :) I hope Simon is doing fine now.
Goodnight !
零时抱佛脚
11:28:00 PM
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I miss the usual us. I miss the times when we were really close.
I look at the flowers, it will wither one day.
I screwed my sleeping time & my meals time. I wake up early in the morning to go school to sleep and then I will then regain my energy in the afternoon. I will study till the wee hours and then the cycle goes on and on. When I was really tired today, Simon's words came into my mind. Yes, we don't have much time left any more. I don't know why but some of my friends still do not take 'O' levels seriously. It's a pity. Really.. I'm trying hard to convince them to study but all I get the replies are, "Yeah, I did study." We know clearly, you didn't. Don't try to decieve yourself and others.
We had a minute of silence in the school hall during the morning assembly. Our librarian had died due to a severe head injury. I don't know where it had occurred but it was stated that it was in the library. Is it ? I don't know. Please do not let any more deaths to come across our life any more. It's really enough. The moment a news of a death came to me, I just don't know what I can do to help them. Life is so short. If you can choose to live it happily or sadily, what will you choose ? Instinctively, I will choose to stay happily. But some times, things just don't go our way, I don't blame anyone for my mishap, but it's not mishap anyway, it's just an obstacle. I used to see how things ran wrong so badly, I choose to look at the darkest side of it, I choose to stay pessimistic. Yet, I learnt. I have no longer drown in my sorrows any more. I get out of it so as to not let others to be worried about me. I take time to reflect on things I had done in the past and present. I learn to be a better person. I try to understand all the situations and put myself in others' people shoes. However, I'm not always like that though, I do have my flaws. Nobody is perfect. I'm learning how to be perfect and I'm still in the midst of it.
I want my friends to stay happy. I want them to stay positive about life. Life is suffering, we all know that. The least we can do is to live it to the fullest. No doubt, we will meet with different kinds of people, but they are just a small part of our life. I had went out to work, I had met with different kinds of people. I had make friends with different type of character. Not all my friends are really great, I still be with them. You know why? It's not about having sympathy or what, it's just that they are great in some ways that you will never know. I used to have constant conflicts with my family. I almost lost a family. I almost lost a perfect family. I cry everyday. Not many people knows about it, I tried to keep it to myself as much as possible. Although I do blog about it, but actually how many people truly read my blog ? I can honestly say that not many. I don't care if I will be kick out by Nuffnang if I say that, but it's the fact, it's the truth. Sometimes, you felt that you had really lived a pathetic life, you had really lived a terrible life with all the family backgrounds. Look again, you as still as lucky as you are. People are dying outside. People are fighting to live. People wish they could live like a normal person. Why do you want to get so depressed over trivial matter? When we have conflicts among one another, it's our karma in the past. We have to repay it. It's just karma. You can't escape from it. What we can do now is to understand and try to reduce the conflicts. We weren't want another life which is full of conflicts & hatred right ? Remember what Ven. Mahinda say ? People who lives with hatred will die soon.
My dear friends, please do not live with any hatred in your heart any more. It's time to do something good to this human race. We can't be fighting with one another any more. What's for ? What benefits do we get to fight over little things ? It's our life. We have choices to make. We can choose to lead it happily and when we are about to die, we can say that we had died without regrets. Live a life without any regrets. Really... To sum up everything, I have to say that I did not say that you can't be sad or anything, you can be. But get out of it as soon as you can. You can be sad and feel helpless but get that feeling out of your head. It's all in the mind. Life is just like that. We always have shits happening. Shits are something that make us grow stronger. (Thank you Shixiong for teaching this to me last time :) )
I hope I have delievered to you my friends a good message. I know I have a number of friends are feeling really sad over friendship, relationship & family problems. This is the post for you. I love you my dears. I will always be there when you needed. That's what friends are for remember ? :)
P.S : I was looking through my photobucket and I saw a few photos that got me reminisicing the past. Thank you for whoever had walked into my life and left. :)
笑容只是一个假面的告白
11:36:00 PM
Monday, September 17, 2007
What does death seem to you?
Please take good care of your parents. You never know when they will leave you. When they are gone, that feeling is damn fucked up. I learnt everything from Simon. Only up till today, I had understand him. He is really a very understanding son and a filial one. He taught us a lot. I bet everyone learnt something as they bring Simon's words home. I don't know how the other feel, but personally, I really understand how impermanent life can be. Simon shared everything about his Dad & himself to us. If anyone had thought he was that boastful, he was that proud, please give him the benefit of doubt. You don't understand him. You don't know what kind of life he is leading. He's tired. He's unhappy. All he wanted to do is to study hard for himself & his parents. Simon, if you ever come across my blog, I salute you. You had been a great son & a friend. I was glad I get to know you. You had really make your dad proud. I will take your advice & thank you so much. I know Simon still couldn't get over his dad's death, but who can? I'm worried for him because it's 'O' level in about 30 days time and he is faced with his dearest dad's death. Although he had really cope with the death well but we still do see the weak him.
He told us, no matter how strong you are, the moment you know about your parent's death, you will drop. I agreed. So please, let's take our parents serious enough. Give them all the love we can give. We will never know when they are leaving. For me, within this two weeks, I had got to know about my friends parent's death. The emotions & the anxiety that they are facing, although I'm not sure what is it felt like, but I put myself in their shoe, I felt it. I teared when Simon was telling us about his story. All I could think of him was that cheerful Simon who was joked around with me in the D&T workshop. Now, I really have another view about him, he is really mature in his thinking. Please do not doubt on that. He knew what he wants. He knew what he should be doing. He felt the need to help his fellow classmates and he spoke for such a long time just to motivate his classmates to study. He study hard just not to let his dad down. And he shared with us his story, trying his best to help us in all ways. He is really great. Simon, thank you.
I don't know what I should be writing any more. I really hope Simon can get over the death soon. It's really suffering to come to face his dad's death at this age & at this time. Simon, no matter what, there are friends behind you. We are there remember? :) Stay strong, believe you can. :)
Simon, this is the dedicated post for you. You had taught me so much and make me realise so much. People, learn from him. He's great.
Thank you so much SimonLeeWeiGuo.
4:47:00 PM
The Bottom Line
Taking action is something you should take seriously today. It's time to move on.
In Detail
Taking action is something you should take seriously today. It's time. If someone has been cutting you down or feeding you negative energy, you need to stand up to them now -- you are ready! Make sure this person knows that you have taken all you are going to take. You need to establish boundaries that they can't cross, and communicate to them what you will (and will not) accept. They'll be surprised by your boldness, but they'll go along with it.
My tragedy, my disaster.
I had been studying really hard nowadays. Although I didn't finish what I'm supposed to do for the day, but I did my corrections with Ziyuan. :) I had also finished one Emath Paper 2 too. I know it's not a lot. I make sure I will finish everything by tomorrow. :) I'm highly motivated now.
The few of us were in SBM studying in the afternoon. We decided to cook our own meals. While we were having our meals, a few of our Moggas were brought into our conversation. We are really worried for their studies. We tried to convince them to study and they told us that they had studied but we weren't assure of it at all. We want to see everyone being promoted. It's the only way to bond us even more closer together. But whatever we had tried, it proves futile. The most we can do as a friend is to nag at you to study, if you don't want to study then we will let you be. After all, who is the one who will benefit from all of this ? You will know the answer.
Lately, there had been a lot of problems faced by many of my friends. I'm sorry I can't be there all the time. But I will promise you that I will be there when you needed advice. Just ring me up and I will just be there. It's just a phone call away. No matter how hard I have to study, I weren't leave you alone. You guys are my friends, someone who is important to me remember ?
I'm feeling very fat. I don't go for window shoppings anymore. I don't go for jogs. I don't go for exercise at all. I munch on chocolates. I stuff myself with junk foods. It just make me feel sinful. I can't wait to go for dance courses after my 'O' level ends. :) I need to work. I need to dance. I need to go out. I need to do so many things. I need to practice really hard on my piano to get that Grade 8 Certificate. :)
It's getting late. I'm turning in. Catch me in your dreams.
P.S: Simon, life is impermanent. Don't be too affected about it, I know there is definitely a little attachment lingering but you have to learn to stay strong. My condolence to you.
请你离开我的心好吗？
12:43:00 AM
Sunday, September 16, 2007
It's a Sunday. Just a few hours and it will be Monday ! Oh man, I am officially suffering from Monday blue. I don't like Monday. I don't like school. I don't like books. I don't like my hectic life. Sighs, I'm here whining and all I can ever thought of stopping my whine is nothing. Damn~
I'm going intensive studying later. I hope it proves effective. There's a number of things I have to do later. I have to finish one Combined Science Paper 1, 2 & 3 and my Emath 2003 Paper 2. After I have finished the two, I reckon I will still continue doing but I will try doing. Maybe I will memorise that Social Studies Notes. :) Then, I will try to finish up my Corrections with LiangJian & Ziyuan. :)
I wondered what will it be liked when all books were gone, all exams were eliminated. :) I think I will die happy. Proof~ But it's just simply my illusion. Looking on a brighter note, the sun is still shining ! I'm still living
Random note: My dad is quarrelling with my little boyboy. He's like wuffing around with my boyboy and my boyboy was wuffing back at him. LOL! Cute ! I didn't know my Dad was such a cute dad. I love dad!
Watch the stars with me.
11:06:00 AM
It's been a really tiring day for me. I was lethargic. The ten-year series are still waiting for me to fill their emptiness. I had aimed to finish my 5 years of Emath while moving onto my Science. I haven't started my Science and it's like just less than a month to the examinations. Damn! I haven't even touch my Amath yet. I couldn't even find it. I misplaced it and I'm not sure if I should get a new one or just forget about it. Sighs!
My unique visitors for Nuffnang is damn pathetic. Can more people come to my pathetic blog ? Yeah, I know I haven't been posting any exciting things at all. Tell me, how am I going to post an exciting post when my life is so dull right now. I can't even imagine myself to go out and have fun when I was supposed to do my work. I just can't bear to abandon my books for play. I really regretted for not studying well for my 'O' level at the start of the year. And now, I'm rushing against the time. What's more can I say about it, I can't turn back the time, neither am I going to brood over the split milk. It just happened so abruptly that I didn't realise that the twenty four hours are just not enough for my studies, sleep & eat. It's just 3 simple things and yet I can't finish everything in a day. I can just forgo my meals just to grab another minute for studying. I don't know if my efforts would pay off but I know I try. I really try...
Alright, goodbye. I think I'm going to be kicked out of Nuffnang soon. Whatever it is, it's alright, I will get it back after my 'O' levels. :) I can't wait for it to end. I have so many things to do, so many dreams to fill. I hope it just ends soon. I'm going back to my books till 2am then I will sleep.
Anyway, my MSN is down. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. However, I was glad that it was down. This had showed that Devas had helped me in reducing my craving for MSN & stop my addiction. I won't be bothered to repair it. My dear friends, I'm sorry I have to let you guys go now for once and for all. If you have any enquiry, you can SMS me. If you don't have my number, hunt me in the friendster. :) I won't post my numbers out for I don't want to find troubles for myself. We will catch up after everything ends. I'm sorry.
I had learnt one of the songs from 不能说的秘密 within one hour. I'm still not an expert in that song yet but I promised to practice it well. I had changed my blog song to it. If you have watched the movie, you will know the emotions in playing this song. That will describe my feeling for this moment. I'm stucked in the middle of nowhere. I felt a little bit of saddness and yet again, I felt a little bit of relief. It's just mixed emotion.
Goodnight.
你的心我摸不着
我恨你
12:20:00 AM
Saturday, September 15, 2007
The Bottom Line
Speed will be an issue for you today. Some people will be going too slowly for you.
In Detail
Speed will be an issue for you to contend with today. Some people will be going too slowly for you, some people will be going too quickly, and some people won't be going at all! Instead of trying to rally the troops, slow people down or get them motivated, just focus on your own stuff. You're not around to be other people's cheerleader. They'll catch up when they catch up -- if they catch up. Other people are not your responsibility, so don't take that on.
My Masquerade Life.
So, my horoscope had lead me to a better understanding on what I should be doing now. That showed that I should be taking Kaiyi's advice now. But still, I really wish I can continue to help them but I couldn't find the strength to do so anymore. I kept picturing the same scene playing over and over again. It hurts damn badly, really...
There wasn't any special events going on in my life. I just know all my meal time & sleeping time had gone hay wired. It felt like I'm liked an alien now. I can sleep for short hours and yet being really hyper-active the next day. Till the day when I had bad dark eye circles, I then acknowledged that I was really tired. You know I get really so tired of books but each time when I thought that the time is running short, I got really motivated again. When I got really motivated, I can forgo my meals & my sleeps. I'm not any superwoman, neither am I an alien, I'm just human. Yet, I felt like I wasn't human anymore.
Did I mentioned that my room is really clean now? My mum, brother & sister-in-law had helped to pack my whole room. I really loves them so much. That was really great. I did my part too ! I came home to sort out my notes so that the whole stack of papers doesn't look that messy anymore. I'm a happy girl now ! However, there is one part of my room which is really messy, something that hide everything. Gee..
I need more sleep. Anyone wants to spare me some time? I need more time than sleep & food now. Aww~ I felt really pathetic now. Sighs! Oh yeah, to sidetrack a little bit, I had told Sookai Daddy a little about him that day. So, he called me to ask about it again and I started to curse & swear. He thought I was cool to have get over it that fast. Ha! Yeah, I think it was great not to think about him anymore. I don't feel the butterflies in my stomach anymore. I don't feel the needs to SMS him nor holding up my phone to see if there is any of his messages anymore. It seemed like he had came into my life so sudden and left my life so abruptly. Ha! This is what we called, people come and go. Things are impermanent. Now I had learnt how impermanent things are & that I am no longer that attached to the things. I knew one day I will lose it all. No doubt that we are happy to have it, but everything will come to an end soon. I learn to pick myself up when I fall. Sometimes I contradict myself, I still do miss him at time, yet I can't be bothered wih it. Ironic. Let me wallow in my sorrow for this once and I will get it over and done with for the one last time. :) Ha ! I really contradict myself but what to do? That's me. :)
Learn to let go when the time is up.
You were just the passer-by in my life.
Thank you for leaving your footprints in my life.
再怎么深的伤口，有一天它也会复原。
12:41:00 AM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
I'm really tired today. I didn't sleep well last night and I decided to sleep during my D&T lesson. We had 4 lessons. I paid attention to one lesson and I slept for 2 lessons. The remaining one lesson was for my revision ! I had finished 2 years of papers & I'm so proud of myself. I want to finish the whole damn 10 years series within this week. I'm going to take out the time for my SBM to my studies. I think it's the critical time now, I can't spend too much time on the ones that aren't my priority now. Sighs ! I'm going to miss SBM so much !
I'm starting my Science 10 years series today ! I haven't even started studying for my Science and I'm left with that pathetic 28 days. Damn damn damn ! I'm very motivated now. Mrs Tay had us sat down for a 3 periods of lecture and I had finally find my purpose in doing all these. We had studied for 3630 days and we are left with the only 28 days, why are we giving up at this time. I remembered Mr Gui saying that, "It's like you built a building & then you found faults in the last storey's light, so you demolished the whole building." I find it really amusing yet meaningful at the same time. Isn't it ? We are on our last lap, just a simple 28 days and we will call it a day to the second chapter of our life.
So, Bye ! Please remind me to stop using MSN because it isn't the right time now. I kept having the tendency to log on to it and then got hooked on. I must climb up to the top of the mountain, so I had to forgo all my unneccessary stuffs now. :) However, I won't be letting go of my blog since I needed it to help me in improving my English. I think it's really atrocious now.
I heard from Evelyn that Mabel had finished doing 4 ten-years-series books ! Oh man! I regretted for wasting my time away. But it's not the time to cry over split milk, I had to start from where I can. I can't waste another 365 days. It's just simply a waste of my time. Please please please, let me get over and done with for the one & only time.
You were out of my mind.
It's been 9 days since I saw you.
But well, it was a good thing isn't it?
At least, I had learnt to let you go.
Yet, something just felt so amiss.
I'm not missing anyone.
I'm not loving anyone.
I'm not longing for anyone.
Love was just a game.
The dangerous game that I never survive till the end.
因为爱你，所以学会放手。
8:43:00 PM
Hello Lim Chu Feng, Happy Birthday !
Although I had missed your birthday by 45 minutes,
but at least I still did let your face get a little attention from my blog. LOL
Happy 20th Birthday ! May you be well & happy !
I don't know if you will see this, but I WANT TO SEE YOU BOTAK HEAD xD !
I haven't really finish packing my worksheets. You know that whole stack of worksheets is killing me. I thought it won't take such a long time to pack, but I was wrong. There were so many papers to be sorted out. I almost died ! I had already spent 6 hours packing but it's still not even done yet ! I sweared I had been doing the packing for 6 hours without any rest ! I wished I could be like Harry Potter, just a little wave of the wand, it can do my job. Oh man! I wasted 6 hours just by packing ! I haven't even finish packing ! The papers were just simply being sorted out into the different subjects. Anyway, I had took some pictures of that stack of papers. I had died ! This mean that, I have to do the sorting out of the papers tomorrow again ! Oh man! I really regret for not sorting out on a daily basis and now, I suffered badly. Boy, I'm really tired. I was supposed to get some rest before packing up but I didn't want to since I don't want to waste any more time. Damn~
I hate packing up ! I really wish I could just burn everything up ! Damn it ~ On a brighter note, I can study more effectively since my notes are being organised after tomorrow. :) I'm going to start doing my Diplomacy & Deterrence's Notes soon! I haven't even started doing it ! Damn it~
Oh yeah, did I mention that I had a Tamagotchi? I don't think it's fun ~ Maybe it's not to my interest but ironically, I still kept it. My brother assumed that I won't be taking care of it after one week. Let's see !~ I didn't even have time for my little boyboy and now I'm going to keep a digital pet ? It is just so ironic.
Alright, good night and sweet dreams. :)
I'm so so so tired till I really wish I could just call a day off tomorrow.
I shall see how alright ! I even told Rainer papa to skip school together. Bahh~
Your words were still as hurting as ever...
You had never know that you had hurt me.
You had never know that you hurt me so deep.
Maybe I shouldn't have tried to talk to you at all...
12:33:00 AM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
I just felt very giddy just now. I thought I was sick. Yet, everyone was screaming in my corridor. Mum was saying that she felt the earthquake too. So we went downstair and I saw Cheston ! LOL! Luckily he was at the 6th floor, but his mum was at the 17th floor ! LOL! I'm still feeling very giddy now. Damn~ Idiot! I'm sorting out my worksheets and that stupid earthquake came. I hope nobody is injured please !
I'm going back to sort out my worksheets again! =(
7:37:00 PM
You were all that I had wanted.
I had joined the Nuffnang team. I knew the team for quite some time but I didn't want to join them because I don't know if it's true, since I had joined Emailcashpro, so I just join Nuffnang too. I just have to place the advertisement banner over there and it's enough. :) I think Nuffnang rocks. =D
It was really a boring day. I did nothing except to study & study & study. My world is filled of books and books. I felt really pathetic, but what can I do? We had PE in the morning and Yiling & I joined the guys to play basketball. I don't know what the hell had happened to me, I didn't score any ball at all! It's like, I'm so near to the basket, but I just couldn't score. That's weird.
I wanted to have my self-declared holiday since I think it's really a waste of time going to school. I like to study by myself. It's like, I wanted to study on my own during lessons, the teacher bound to have something to do with us, so I have no choice but to abandon my ten years series at the corner. Maybe after we had finished going through all my Preliminary Examination papers, I will be having my self-declared holiday. I heard that we are going to graduate on the 8th October, so right after that day, we are officially having our study break. But, it's still a long way to go, I really want to have more time of my own. I can't wait to the day that I don't have to go to school anymore. I simply just dislike some of the teachers ! No doubt that some teachers are really nice, but there's always a few teachers would just get make me flare. Some of the teachers that I really liked are Mdm Toh, Miss Tan... They are just so fantastic that I found my reason to go school. :) Yet, the thoughts of having those disturbing teachers, I got really pissed. Damn~
I'm not feeling well nowadays. My fever was like going on and off. My headache just doesn't get off. I shall take good care of myself from now onwards to reduce the chances of getting sick during my major exams. :)
I want to try that cheesy pizza which was rather new. Anyone want to try with me? =DD
I'm going to take a rest as usual. :)
I had changed my lifestyle.
I come home early and rest, then study ! :)
BYEBYEBYEBYEBYE!
再多几个星期，我再也看不到你了。
好想见你的心情，你明白吗？
4:28:00 PM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Can you spot me ? LOL!
I had gotten back all of my Preliminary Examination Result. I think it's really bad. However, I did improve but I still think it's not enough at all. With the current result, I can't get into the course I want, so am I supposed to brood over it now? Damn. I just don't like my result. I just wish I could have a longer time now. Looking at the remaining days, my heart raced. I don't know if I can make it, but I really hope I can. My English is getting from bad to worse now. I really need to buck up on my English & Humanities. I don't know if I want to give up on my Amath, but I really wish I can get at least a B3. Oh man~
English - 57 C5
Chinese - 69 B3
Emath - 65 B3
Chemistry - 66/100 B3
Physic - 53/100 C6
Combined Science - 60 B4
Design & Technology - 71 A2
Social Studies - 23/50
Geography - 20/50
Combined Humanities - 43 E8
Amath - 47 D7
L1R5: 23
L1B4: 17
That's a really bad result. I need to get not more than 13 points ! How I wish I can be like Irene, she is really intelligent. How I wish I can be like Dion to get A1 for my English. Damn damn damn~ It's my final lap and I'm still trying to finish running this track. I'm really tired now but I can't give up at all. I don't like this year. It's so much of a ups & downs.
Is there any ways that I can improve on my English again ? I need to improve on it ! I had troubles doing my composition these days because I don't have any plots. Maybe I should read more books now, but I don't think I even have time. Maybe I should just borrow one book and treat it like bed-time story ! Oh yeah, where's my Harry Potter ! :)
My intricate life is in such a mess now. I just pray for everything to end soon. I had been constantly living in awe, was that my karma? I don't abhor anyone nor anything. I was just unable to understand how to live my own life. I was daunted with all. I was dismayed to know that I failed to understand everything. I was living in my illusion and you were just my delusions. Sighs.
GOODBYE.
I need to get some rest before I start sorting out my papers & notes.
Anyway, my SMS was exploded. Thus I did not reply to any message.
I'm sorry.
爱一回伤一回
4:53:00 PM
My internet was down tonight but I just felt like blogging, so I turned my alternative to my Microsoft Word. I don’t know if I want to copy paste in my blogger account, but I think I will do it, since it’s going to be part of my memories too. Well, I just needed some where to vent my frustrations out. I think it’s been really hard for me to keep it inside me now. :) I don’t know why I got really emo whenever I listened to the songs. Yet, I can’t help but continued listening. It’s really funny how fast the things change from present tense to a past tense. I had to continuously remind myself that time really flies, liked how I enjoyed the camp and in a moment, everything ended. I kept asked myself, why am I just so stupid to continue this suffering when I can opt my way out. I mean, we lived in choices, don’t we? So what for am I walking forward and yet, turned back after awhile? I asked myself frequently, why I was always the fool. I couldn’t find the answer. When I dropped, I dropped so deep in without realizing it at all.
Anyway, some of my Preliminary Examination results are out.
English - 57 C5
Chinese - 69 B3
Emath - 65 B3
Chemistry - 66 B3
D&T - 71 A2
I know it’s terrible. I’m still trying to buck up. Stop discouraging me and stop telling I’m not doing enough. I’m still trying so hard so just shut up. I don’t like to show people I’m doing work, I just don’t like. You can encourage me but don’t discourage me please.
Do you still remember the movie we watched? With the songs playing in my playlist, I really miss you so much. But I tried to deny as much as I can, I didn’t want to cause you any trouble. I just want to stay as friends with you. I just don’t know why I am getting so sad over you. You were just going to be a passer-by, weren’t you?
I had a lot of fun with my brother because the internet was down. And the Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi’s songs are playing in my playlist. So he tried to use the tune of the song to make into his own song to disturb me. And I think he is really cute. I got so much entertainment when the internet is down, that’s not a bad thing though. =D Anyway, school was still the same. However, I really miss my Peiyi & Qiulian because we often played with one another when we had D&T. But D&T had been converted to theory work now, there is no longer any practical work, thus we can’t see one another in lessons anymore. =(
Alright, it’s going to be 1am now. I did some studying for my Amath because I just couldn’t find my Emath TYS. I hope I had left it in school because if I didn’t, I will just start whining. =( I hate losing my stuffs. So freaking hell just stop turning invisible for goodness sake !
你还会心疼我吗？
我已明白有一种爱叫放开。
4:20:00 PM
Sunday, September 09, 2007
I want to drag the time to school tomorrow. But I think my attempt was futile since time just flies. Damn~ Our Prelims results are out tomorrow and I'm going to be in serious trouble. How am I supposed to explain to my parents for my poor performance. Even though I haven't retrieve my result yet, but I had expected for the worst. I'm just addicted to studying now. I want to study but I can't study at home at all. With all the distractions around, with my little boyboy barking, with the chatting about, with the disturbing noise around, I can't study at all. All I need was just a place where it was quiet enough and I could just plug my ear piece in and I will start studying. :) I just need music.
Anyway, we had the public talk at Poh En Shi Temple. We were given a shirt and I think it was cool. I was supposed to be in-charged of the bus when the people arrived. So I was standing back-faced the entrance and many people said they recognised us through the shirt. LOL! Interesting ! There were many new experiences that I had gotten throughout the day too. :) Great !
I don't want to leave any regrets any more.
So I had planned for my own life. :)
We just have to be selfish sometimes.
Maybe I shouldn't have even be bothered about anyone's feeling.
After all, who is the one at the losing end ? Me, myself & I. :)
I had learnt it the hardest way. So I'm here to correct myself to the right path.
Ha, from now onwards, I'm going to live my life for my own.
People proved me wrong times after times,
so what's more ?
I don't love you anymore, not anymore. :)
I had learnt to let it go.
I had kept myself all busy for these past few days.
I had kept a distance from my computer.
I had learnt everything the hardest way.
And so, I had learnt not to love you anymore. :)
Maybe it's hard, but one's efforts are needed greatly.
Now I understood what's the meaning of,
"I love you so much so that I would let you go." :)
I used to disagree with that sentence. Because I just don't understand how could you love someone so much so that you could actually agree to watch him/her fade away. It was just so hard for me to understand. Maybe that's the reason for me to experience it. :) After all, everything happens for a reason.
Oh yeah, my December Camp Ehi-Passiko is coming up. Please join me in the fun. :) I'm damn excited over it. It's Camp Christine again ! I wondered if my mum & dad would allow me since I had gotten that accident over there. Sighs! I should have learnt to know the consequences. :( Sighs, I regretted. Forget it, it's too late to regret now. The scars are already there. I can't do anything anymore. Damn it~ However, I'm sure I'm going to have that little fear inside me when I travelled. But still, I just can't wait to finish my 'O' level and then go for the camp ! But I don't know if I'm working at that time, I don't give a damn anymore, I just need to take time off and go for that camp. I JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN. xD ! Maybe I will try calling Justin to let me be his assistant since he had asked me a few months back. :) Yet, I want to try out the waitress role for once since I had been working for different types of job for the past 2 years. I really hope to return to my first job - the rubber painting assistant. That was really fun ! I got the chance to play with cute kids, I gave them the freedom to expand their creativity, I made everything nicely for them. :) I just love kids. xD !
I'm learning to tune my time to sleep at 10pm. I had been sleeping really late for the holidays and I think I'm dying soon. I kept falling a sick and I just don't know how to take care of myself. So, I will try to prevent myself from falling sick again. :) But freaking hell, I'm sick once again. :) Damn it ~ This year is a whole damn year, it's full of downs after downs and I'm extremely tired of the downs. I just wished this year could end as soon as possible.
Goodbye.
别让我流泪
I still love you, Mr Lim Cheng Long. Do you even care?
9:09:00 PM
I want to drag time to school. :)
In about 10 hours time, I needed go school.
Damn.
Survey 1
You must answer every question
TRUTHFULLY
[01] Do you still have feelings for
your ex?
-No comments
[02] Have you ever been given roses?
-yeah, by a girl LOL! Janelle =D
03] What is your all-time favorite
romance movie/s?
-不能说的秘密
[04] How many times have you honestly
been in love?
-Sighs, don't ask me about love question.
[05] Do you believe that everyone has
a soul-mate?
-Don't ask me about it.
[06] Whats your current problem?
-Plenty of it, I don't want to say.
[07] Have you ever had your heart
broken?
-Yeah, too many times...
[08] Your thoughts of online or long
distance relationships?
-It won't last?
[09] Have you ever seen a friend as
more than a friend?
-Yeah.
[10] Do you believe the
statement, "Once a cheater always a
cheater"?
-Somehow?
[11] How many kids do you want to have?
- 2-3?
[12] What is your favorite color(s)?
-Pink, black, white
[14] Do you believe you truly love only
once?
-Sighs.
[15] Imagine you're 69 & your spouse
just died, would you get re-married?
-No.
[16] At what age did you start
noticing the opposite sex.
-Can't remember?
[17] What song do you want to hear at
your wedding?
-Would you be there?
[18] Do you know someone who likes you?
-
[19] Do you like anyone?
-
[20]Do you believe in second chances?
-Yes. However, if you irritate me too much and I flared up,
that was the time, when I had really given too many chances.
Survey 2
REVEAL A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF:
NOW
1. Is your hair up?
No.
2. Is your phone right beside you?
No.
3. Do you wish you were somewhere else?
Yeah.
4. Do you have plans for tonight?
Nah, I'm going to take my rest soon.
5. Are you wearing makeup?
Hey, I'm not out for a party or something?
6. Are you wearing chapstick?
Eh?
7. Are you cold?
Not now.
8. Are you tired?
Yeah, I'm terribly tired.
9. Are you excited?
No, There's school tomorrow. Damn.
10. Are you watching t.v.?
No. I haven't been watching for so long.
11. Are you wearing pajamas?
No?
12. Who's the last person you IMed?
What's IMed?
13. Who's the last person that called
you?
My dad.
PAST
1. Anything you regret?
Plenty of it.
2. Ever lied?
Yeah.
3. Ever stuck gum under a desk?
No! Disgusting~
4. Ever spit at someone?
Obviously NOT!
5. Ever kick something living?
Kick? Don't think so ? Slightly push ?
6. Ever thrown up because you cried so
hard?
Nope~ But had asthma before~
REVEAL A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF:
LAST WEEK
1. Had any plans last week?
Plenty of it.
2. Who did you see most last week?
I think Amanda ?
3. Was last week interesting?
Somehow?
TODAY
1. Have you yelled at someone?
Nope~
2. Have you gotten mad at someone?
Yeah, myself.
3. Have you cried?
Not really, but I'm not feeling good now.
4. Have you called more than 3 people?
Yeah.
5. Have you IMed more than 3 people?
What's IMed?
SPILL YOUR GUTS
Q. First thing you did this
morning?
Shower!!
Q. Last thing you ate?
Err, alittle bit of the Ivan's Hokkien Mee.
Q. What's something you look forward to
most in the next 6 weeks?
Sighs! 'O's coming !
Q. What's annoying you right now?
The stress level I'm going through. Damn~
Q. What's the last movie you saw?
1408
Q. Do you believe in long distance
relationships?
No~
Q Where is the last place you went?
Parklane
Q: Who is the last person you called?
Felicia?
Q: Been cheated on?
Yeah, sighs.
Q: Do you think that someone is
thinking about you right now?
No.
Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty,
creativity):
ALL OF IT !~ XD
Q: Do you wish on stars?
Sometimes. I want to see meteor rain please!
Q: Does it work?
No.
Q: Do you untie your shoes every time
you take them of?
No. LOL
Q: When did you last cry?
Just two days back. =X
Q: Do you like your handwriting?
Errr.. Alright?
Q: Are you a friendly person?
What do you think ! lols !
Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
White ! SBM New shirt LOL !
Q: What is the color of your bedsheets?
Pink !
Q: What were you doing at 9 last night?
I was at SBM doing the public talk. :)
Q: last person you talked to?
Err, Victor?
Q: When is the last time you saw your
dad?
Just. -.-"
Q: Look to your left?
My Sister-in-law is sleeping.
Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yeah.
Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder?
Yeah. I thank my friends for being there. :)
Q: Song that makes you cry?
I shan't say.
Please don't leave any songs for me to cry on anymore.
Q: Are you a normally happy person?
Yeah, usually.
Q: Is your self-esteem low?
I don't know.
Q: What color are your eyes?
Black?
Q: Long or Short Hair?
Extremely long.
Q: Current Music?
Ru Guo Ni Ye Ting Shuo
Surveys 3
26 of the MOST Spontaneous Questions
Ever, BE HONEST.
1. What do you want for your birthday?
EVERYTHING IN MY WISHLIST. LOL!
2. Who will be your next kiss?
I don't know?
3. When was the last time you went
to the mall?
Err, like a afew weeks ago?
4. Are you wearing socks right now?
No.
5. How did you spend your summer?
Singapore is summer all year round.
So what do you think?
6. Have you been to the movies in
the last 5 days?
Err, yeah. 1408
7. What was the last thing you had
drink?
The drink prepared by the auntie at BES
8. What are you wearing right now?
White SBM shirt & jeans. LOL!
9. What was your last purchase?
Err, I don't remember?
10.What was the last food you ate?
The Ivan's Hokkien Mee LOL!
11. Who would be the person you would
call if you were up in the middle of
the night and couldn't sleep?
I don't usually call people.
I Don't want to disturb anyone. :)
12. Have you bought any clothing
items in the last week?
Err, no?
13. Do you have a pet?
Yeah, my pet boyboy & xiaohei LOL!
14. What made you laugh in the last
5 days?
Plenty of it. LOL
15. If you could be anywhere right
now, where would you be?
I wished I could turn back the time and start everything anew.
16. What is the last thing you
purchased online?
Oh the Jacket !
17. One thing you hate about yourself?
Everything that was supposed to be hated.
18. What's your favourite soup?
Err, tomyum?
19. Do you miss anyone?
Yeah.
20. What are your plans for the day?
You mean today ? It had passed. :)
21. Last person you msg'd?
VictorTeo.
22. Are you a good student in school?
Yeah LOL!
24. What do you know about the (your)
future?
I don't know. I just want to do good in the future.
25. Are you wearing any perfume or
cologne?
Nope~ I'm at home hello!
26. Where is your best friend right
now?
They just went home. :)
Surveys 4
do you suck lemons?
No?
how many times a day do you go to the
toilet?
How do I remember. -.-"
what colour shirt are you wearing?
White.
do you like school?
No.
what is the name of your best friend?
AmandaSim, Andrina, Yinghui, Huiwen, Yiling,
Esther, Waiyik, Melissa.
who is the last person you hugged?
SelinaDaddy. :)
do you have a crush?
Err, was that counted?
what is your favourite band?
BLACKFOREST LOL!
if a stranger offered you a ride home,
would you accept it?
No.
do you have a bf/gf?
No. I had been single for like 2 years soon?
if so, do you love them?
OBVIOUSLY. -.-"
have you ever been in love?
Yeah.
have you ever ridden in an aeroplane?
Yeah.
what is your favourite flavour juice?
Orange.
how many tv's are in your house?
3
have you ever had your heart broken?
Yeah, many times. Damn~
if so, what caused this?
-Don't ask me~
would you consider yourself strong
emotionally?
I don't know.
how about physically?
No.
do you hate chavs?
What's Chavs?
have you ever eaten a banana split?
Yeah.
what time is it?
2100
how do you spell \'you\' ?
you
do you know anyone with the name
patricia?
Yeah.
what colour are your bedroom walls?
White
do you read?
Yes.
do you believe this survey will be
3000 questions?
No.
do you prefer to go out or stay in?
Depends.
does your crush like you back?
I don't even know if that's crush.
It's just too complicated.
... are you happy with this?
What do you think? Obviously NOT!
would you ever date someone ginger?
Ginger?
are you freaked i didnt ask your name
at the start of this survey?
No~
who is the last person to have texted
you?
VictorTeo
what did it say?
See you there then or something.
I had forgotten.
do you like this person?
Haha, yeah! He's a great friend. :)
who sits next to you in science?
KianHong.LiangEng.
are you vexed i didn\'t use any
capitals in this survey?
Err, Somehow. I prefer proper English. :)
do you know what vexed means?
Yeah.
do you hurt inside?
Yeah, freaking hurt.
do you ever wish you didn't exist?
Yeah, extremely.
So I just wished I could get out of samsara.:)
8:08:00 PM
Nobody understood this pain. Because you aren't me, you won't know anything. At least, I managed to console myself when I was talking to Eugene Tan. I miss him please. It's been like so long since we had seen each other. And, we were used to be so close friends ! But well, things do change right. :)
Anyway, I had fun having my Moggallana coming to my house last night in the midnight. LOL! They were playing poker cards right outside my house. I mean that was really cute. Then I met up with Jowell in the morning to hop over to Victor's house to get all the others Moggallana to wake up. We took so long to wake them up. LOL! But it was still fun after all. And I got to know what had happened to them and the stuffs they were doing during the stayover. How I wished I could stay over too. =( So yeah, I had summarised my whole two days. LOL! Recently, I'm just not very happy. Just don't leave me alone in the corner, I will definitely start reminiscing and then I will start getting emo. Damn~
I just want to tell myself I don't want to be affected over you anymore.
I just want to put you in the list of the passer-bys in my life.
But I just can't do it, I just miss you so damn much.
The missing part is always there.
It hasn't fade.
I just have to slap myself real hard,
and freaking tell myself that,
you were gone.
You were just so nonchalent about everything.
Do you even freaking care about my feeling?
12:27:00 AM
Friday, September 07, 2007
What is it felt like to be feeling so confused ?
What is it felt like to be feeling so tired of everything?
How is it feeling liked?
You want to know ?
Look deep into my heart,
and you will find the answer.
I wished someone could find a way out for me.
It's getting too horrible, too terrible.
Would you ever know this feeling?
Sighs, I hope everything perished.
Let it all go.
That's all I can do.
I'm just not in any position to cheer you up.
1:37:00 AM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
I met up with Kahbeng and we had our catching up. It was really funny to know what had happened to him in this one year in NS. He's leaving for further studies in Australia for 3 - 4 years this year. Before he leave for other countries, I shall meet him as much as we can. =D He got a lot of extra duties due to his attitude. xD ! I told him to be GG instead of GL LOL! Well, it's our language. LOL! He is one of the minority who has gone into NS without a girlfriend. LOL! So I asked him what is it liked when they booked out, he said that he just have to call any friends to go for a movie LOL! Seriously, I looked into my list of friends, I found out that most of my NS friends and my brother have girlfriends before they joined the army force. LOL!
Next, I joined the others at SBM! I had not really done as much as I should have done. So I'm going to study later to forgo my guiltiness. I need to study ! It's merely a 42 days away. I had plans for tomorrow. I don't know if I'm going to work on Saturday, and I have public talks on Sunday. There goes my one week holiday. It's just gone in the blink of an eye. Great ~ I'm going to suffer when school reopens.
I still can't get it over yet. It just hurt so... badly. I actually believed his words. Ha ~ Nonsense. Am I plain stupid or am I just naive ? I actually cried for someone who wasn't even worth my tears. :) Even till now, I still believed lies. Until the truth came to me, I broke down again. Why am I so stupid to believe in everything again and again. Can some one please just assure me that everything as just a lie from the start ? Everything was just an illusion from the start ? We aren't meant to be. It was better to stay as close friends. I'm done~ I shall start waking up. =D
Mug, Mug, Mug~
我没办法去爱别人，
因为我的心已碎了。
8:30:00 PM
I trusted lies. I believed in them. I never thought I was the fool. But I was really the fool all along. Don't play jokes on me, I aren't happy right now. I can't take jokes. I don't know which is the joke and which is not. I don't know if anything is believable. Suddenly, I totally lost my trust. I didn't know that trust was so fragile till I had it broken for million times. Was it worthwhile ? All this while, it was all crap. :) Let me erase my memories and start afresh. If only I could press the refresh button...
Well, I had been hurt badly this time till it is rather numb. :) Well done ! =D I will never trust anyone again. Thank you~ Guys suck badly. =D
Goodbye.
12:09:00 PM
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I was really sick and so I was resting for the whole day. I was supposed to go for work but the auntie told me it's alright, I can work for her another time. :) I can chose to go and meet up Keyzin & Junhong for studying but I didn't want to travel. I want to call Amanda up to go to the Popular but I was really tired. In the end, I just decided to just be good for a day and rest. Apparently, I had wasted one whole day without doing anything.
At night, I met up with Sookai daddy. We had New York New York. :) The Cheese Ball Sticks were fabulous. I bet everyone would never regret trying it. For someone who really loves cheese, you can really try that. I was in heaven when I tasted it. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating.
After the meal, we had movie ! We watched 1408 and I think it was really crap again. Horror movies had no longer frightened me anymore. Damn~ But somehow, there was a scene when a lady popped out and I screamed ! Hell ! For the other times, I was just laughing at others who had been frightened. The storyline was crap, the whole movie was lame. I don't know what's nice about this show though. I want to watch Ratatoilee !
Anyway, I can't sleep now because I just had MacDonald. And for fucking hell reason, I felt like vomiting. You know what, I had french fries with a mosquito body & cockroach eggs in my packet of fries. I don't even know if I had ate one of them. Luckily, my brother was observance enouch to check on the french fries before we ate it. Damn~ I found it really disgusting. I really can't imagine myself eating a cockroach egg. Suck ! The hygiene of the Bugis Street's Mac is so low. People, please do not have your meals there. It's god-damn disgusting. I had been spending a lot of my time at the MacDonald for the past few days. And I don't know if I had anything dirty in my drinks or food again ! Damn it~
I really don't feel good now. It's really disgusting. Never mind, I shall study till the wee hours and allow my food to be digested before sleeping. Good night ! Intensive Studying tomorrow. =D
我只想说再见，
可是我又不舍得。
1:37:00 AM
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
I wrote this myself and I took this picture myself. :)
It's been a really tiring day for me. I woke up early just to have my piano lesson. Then, I headed down to KFC to meet up with Keyzin & Junhong ! I wasn't able to concentrate on my studies because it was too cold and I was really very sick. My fever was like so irritating. In the end, they decided to just go shopping. :) I'm so sorry to disturb you two ! =( I saw a lot of things that I had wanted. But well, it's time to save up. I'm not supposed to spend too much money this month. :)
I received a call and I was being hired to work for a day in Bugis Street. Sweet~ But, I'm not very sure how much was the pay. Anyway, it's just a few hours and I'm allow to study for my O's too ! So why not ? I just have to sit there and wait till somebody comes along, I just have to serve them. =D Furthermore, I need money too. =D Great ! However, she will be confirming with me if I do have to work tomorrow. If not, I will just have to rot at home and at night, I'm meeting Sookai daddy. :) It's been like half a year since we met. I miss him ! Maybe in the midnight, I just have to call up anyone to come study with me. :) I want to study overnight !
Amanda & I were supposed to study overnight but her mum doesn't allow. So yeah ~ We went home at 12.30am. And I had proved myself useful by doing two Math Paper 1 papers. I want to finish up the 2001 - 2006 papers and then I will start studying for my Combined Science. My Combined Humanities will be starting soon. I just have to start memorising everything. After all, Jashawn had managed to get 24/25 for his Source-based & 23/25 for his Essay, so why can't I ! LOL ! I must try to dig out his studying skills to enhance in my studying skills. LOL!
I'm getting really sick. I need tons of sleep but I can't find time. So yeah, I want to do really well for O's so I can't give up on anything. I haven't even started studying for my Amath ! I had to really start studying for my Amath soon ! Oh man~ Time is running out and just wished I could just get a little time out of my sleep to study. I know it's not healthy but tell me, what can I do now ? 'O' level is merely a month away. It's like seeing the whole damn world disappearing soon. It's really serious and I don't want to forsee myself holding the certificate and start brooding over the spilt milk. So what can I do right now is to really study effectively. I know it's really late now but at least I tried. I regretted for wasting my time in the early part of the year. I'm really sorry~ I had chosen the wrong priority for the start but I'm back on track now. :)
Though I still missed him sometimes but I know I don't want to waste my time on the missing part. Sometimes I really contradict myself, I know what I wanted but my heart just doesn't listen to what I say. It's been a year of rollar coaster. My mood had been going up & down and up & down again. Things just changed without you knowing. I didn't expect for such a tremedous change but it just changed. We can't deny changes, they would just be there, you just have to accept that things do change. We can't do anything to stop it from changing. I tried and I failed so I leave it as it is. I let fate decides, I allow nature to take its own course. I remembered saying that I hate changes, yeah I still do. But I can't do anything to stop it at all. It's been really hurting to try so hard to stop it from changing and then all you know is that, your efforts were just a futile attempt to change it.
Right from the start of the year, everything was just an illusion isn't it. So many things happened in this year, it's all about relationship. I suffered, I cried, I got really really depressed over it. I don't like relationships because you will alway get so insecure. A moment ago, things were pretty well and a moment later, things turned sour. Ha~ Enough of this year, I know I want to study right now. Just another month to go and I will be free from everything. I can't wait to go to Polytechnic. I can't wait to turn to the other page and start on my new chapter. But, I don't want to grow old. LOL !
Alright, byebyebyebye! It's 2am now ! I should be sleeping now ! Please end my suffering.
我只想要哭过就算了。
可是眼泪都已经干了。
我只能看着你离开，
在你背后奢望你能回头。
你的背影覆盖着我的心，
让我再也喘不过气来。
你到底明白这个痛吗？
1:05:00 AM
Monday, September 03, 2007
I went for the IT fair in the afternoon and I saw the camera that I had wanted. I think I will be getting it by the next IT fair after I had started working. I just can't resist to that baby pink colour. I even wanted the VAIO's laptop because it's in pink colour too ! How dumb can I go ? Luckily Victor was with us, so I had gotten to know that that brand wasn't good in its function. :)
I met up with Amanda and studied in the night. :) Pohleong came for awhile to get his stuffs. As usual, I was being bullied. After he left, then Enghua kor came. :) He was cursing and swearing. LOL ! I shan't go into details thought. LOL ! And, I didn't know that Enghua kor's math had improved. LOL !
Alright, those people who knows, I was really irritated now. Everything was so obvious. Do I have to be so straightforward to hurt you inside out? If you are guilty for irritating me, yes, I'm talking about you. I had been really good to treat you really nice. But you know, people have their limits. I don't know how long more am I going to tolerate this. I don't want myself to accumulate more bad karma so I just tried to shun you whenever I see you. Isn't it obvious enough ? Why can't you understand it at all ? Sighs ~ I hope you guys understand my situation. I don't want another assumption to be made again. I don't want to give another wrong intentions to others. And bloody hell, stop assuming. I can't take this anymore. Just stop misinterpreting my words. It isn't funny at all. It isn't... Nobody understands, nobody... So just stop judging me because you aren't fit to even do that. You aren't in my shoes, you don't know what I'm thinking. So just stop all those shits. :)
I wandered should I rebond or perm my hair at the end of the year ! Anyone has any comments ? LOL ! I just can't bear to chomp off my long hair. The only way to shorten it without cutting it is to perm it. That's why I wanted to perm. But it would definitely make me look much older. And then, I won't look like little primary school kid again. However, I'm afraid that I would look like an auntie. LOL !
Alright, goodnight and bye !
I want to study overnight tomorrow ! :)
I need to start mugging. I really need to.
People, please encourage me, please motivate me. :)
I know where I should stand.
But, I'm had drifted a little off from my ground.
What the hell am I doing ? I don't know.
I shall not let any external matter to hurt me again.
I should learn to be strong.
I will stay strong.
And thank you for those who cares. :)
I love all of you.
I can't wait to study.
I'm addicted to studying.
I want to continue blogging too.
I'm addicted to blogging.
But I can't find anything to blog anymore.
当你总是爱上一个不该爱的人的时候，你会怎么做？
Do you even bothered to come over,
to console me, to tell me that it's alright.
You saw my tears, but you didn't bother.
I just want to know,
if you have ever loved me before?
Was all the cold shoulders an angst to me?
Or was that you just didn't want to disturb me during this cucial time.
Just how much you care?
Can you just tell me?
Although it wasn't like the past,
but I admit I still cares for you.
You still stand a special place in my heart.
We were so great in the starting of the year.
But you fade away from my life after some time.
Where are you now? Do you even know I exist now?
You know it hurts so badly to look into your eyes,
and then you looked away.
I miss talking to you.
I miss disturbing you.
I miss your messages.
I miss the ringing phone every night.
I miss going out with you.
I miss everything about you.
How are you now?
I wondered...
12:51:00 AM
