佘婉菱；我的世界；我的生活

Saturday, September 30, 2006

English Examination

All right i'm at Liang Jian's house blogging right now. I doubt I can have the chance to use the pc when I reach back home since my brother had booked out yesterday and kept wanting the PC. And, the guys are having their fun right now, might as well update my blog first before I do anything.

Paper for yesterday was atrocious. I had written the topic "Lessons", I don't know if it's a good choice or a bad choice since the other questions are way too difficult and my mind couldn't think so much at that time. I just hope I manage to pass and then promote up to Secondary 4. Buddha bless!!

I've eaten my dearest baked pasta finallly. It's a good way to treat oneself. After that wanted to go up to find Jackson since he's working there and it's his birthday that day. Yet, I was running with time that I need to find a skirt and then buy it with my cousin thus didn't really go find him. He's really very sad that he had to work during his birthday. If it's me, I would be very sad too. Awww~

Anyway Happy Birthday Jackson!! May your dragon dance competition do well well.

Booo~ I'm tired right now. Shall rest first =D

9:52:00 PM

Thursday, September 28, 2006

I cried and cried and cried~

I've been reading "Lucas" for these past few days and I managed to finish it. When I was reading the last chapter, I cried. The way how the kevin brooks had been describe every little details in the story really touch my heart. Lucas was everything Caity wanted yet the whole village was against him. Jamie Tait was trying with all his might to get rid of Lucas. So, he set him up with everything he could. Get all the villages and the polices involved. Then, Lucas had no way out. And, he had a number of stuffs kept inside him where no one knows. He commited suicide for there's no way out. That's the part I was crying non-stop. It's really terrible for someone to set you up on something which you didn't do at all. Moreover, his case was terrible. Everything in this book felt so real, so true. Yet, I know that it wasn't real, it is just a story. A typical storybook that I had came across. It's nothing, it's something.

Anyway, there's english examation awaiting for me tomorrow. I'm dead, seriously. Up till today, I'm still not sure about all the grammer stuffs like - wouldn't, can't.... I didn't know that it cannot be used in essay. How dead can a essay go? I need some feeling in it, I want to write things that I liked to write and not just those dead format. Maybe if they give me some title that consists of my feeling, I'll definitely score. Let's just pray hard and hope for it. I really have to do well in my english. It's a fat hope for me to pass 5 subject to be promoted. So, I've only a final choice to choose from that's to pass my english and 2 other subjects.

Tomorrow shall determine my future. Buddha bless. God bless. Guan Di Gong bless! Grandfather, great grandfather, great grandmother bless me! Devas bless! Everyone bless! Please bless me!

*Poof* Off to study for the format tomorrow. I'm so god-dead right now. Oh my~

8 days to examinations

8:01:00 PM

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

To all "Chicken wings" lover.

Avoid eating chicken wings frequently - ladies especially a true story!

A friend of mine recently had a growth in her womb and she underwent an operation to remove the cyst. The cyst removed was filled with a dark coloured blood. She thought that she would be recovered after the surgery but she was terribly wrong.

A relapse occurred just a few months later. Distressed, she rushed down to her gynecologist for a consultation. During her consultation, her doctor asked her a question that puzzled her. He ask if she was a frequent consumer of chicken wings and she replied yes wondering as to how, he knew of her eating habits.

You see, the truth is in this modern day and age; chickens are injected with steroids to accelerate their growth so that the needs of this society can be met. This need is none other then the need for food. Chickens that are injected with steroids are usually given the shot at the neck or the wings.

Therefore, it is in these places that the highest concentration of steroids exists. These steroids have terrifying effects on the body as> it accelerates growth. It has an even more dangerous effect in the presence of female hormones, this leads to women being more prone to the growth of a cyst in the womb.Therefore, I advise the people out there to watch their diets and to lower their frequency of consuming chicken wings!

So, just be vegetarian and so that you won't get suffer from this kind of stuffs and you had stopped killing. Isn't that wonderful! COOOL~

8:36:00 PM

Ahhh~ Wedding dinner on next saturday?

Oh my buddha! My cousin just told me in school that my elder cousin is getting married on next saturday. Guess what, I haven't even get myself any dress yet. How am I supposed to dress nicely on that day. And, she told me that it's somewhere very grand and we must really dress ourself up. Exams are coming, how am I going to have time to shopping. At least, her O level is in a month time. Yet, my exams are in few days time. The timing for the wedding is rather odd too because it's on a saturday and the following monday, my paper start. Arghh~ Why can't they choose some cool date that I can enjoy myself no matter what. Anyway, we have agreed to get our dress by this week =D

I didn't go library these few days. I didn't have strength to walk till the library thus I stayed at home yesterday. And today, my mum is going to bring me somewhere to pray hard hard. LOLS!! As I didn't go library for these few days, I didn't study as well. My buddha~

School is alright again. My cousin is graduating soon in a few weeks time. I'm like so happy for her. Anyway, I'm going to graduate in a year time, who knows I might get into the same polytechnic or even the same course as her? It's a bliss to be cousins. =D

Had been praticing my piano just now. My teacher had passed me back all my songbooks, thus I went to play all of it. It seems that, once you master that piece of music, you can easily played it out again with not much of a effort. So, moral of the story: Master something and you can relax for the rest of your life. LOLS !

Alright, I'm bored, I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I'm scared, I'm stress. Mixed feeling arising in me. It's just exams blue. Arghh~ I'm starting to hate to be at home. Scolding kept coming and I'm really start to hate it. A tiny winy bit, they shout like no one business. Only know how to make me raise my voice than they can kept quiet. I'm damn pissed off ~ Arghhh~ Luckily, there's time for me to go to library tomorrow. On friday, after my English exams, I'm going to have baked pasta again! I just love baked pasta~ Cheese make me happy! =D

Buy me cheese, I'll love you =D ! LOLS nono~ Buy me diamond!~ XD ! Diamond are best friend to girls =D I want that diamond ring that my brother brought lah. Whatever~ I've my cheese and I can be happy. I can be contented easily! YAY~ I love me! ME ME ME ~ All right, I'm really going mad soon~ Better get going before I start to type rubbish again~ BOOO~

9 days to my exams

EXAMS BLUE ~

4:03:00 PM

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I have been sleeping early recently, yet I always woke up with a terrible headache. I'm a weirdo seriously. Tolerating late night and waking early isn't any difficult task for me, yet if I've to sleep early and wake up early, I'm dead. Should I been sleeping early or should I be sleeping late. Tell me please~

I'm so tired! Arghh~ Stressed stressed and stressed only~

10 days to my exams~
3 days to my English Exams~

11:53:00 PM

I didn't really do very well for my oral. Perhaps, Mdm Wi had been too strict. The others who had the same examiner as mine, had very low marks too. At least, I'm near to the highest marks that Mdm Wi gave. The highest was 12 and I got 11.5. Seriously, how pathetic can we go?

We've a E-learning webpage for us and I'm still cracking my brain for I really don't know how am I supposed to get into that website. It just don't allow me in no matter how much I tried. Fine! You shall win, I shall go and ask the teacher again tomorrow. Stupid webpage~

I didn't really study today. All right, I was blog hopping as usual when the time flies as I hopped. It flies rapidly, I didn't even know the time had passed so fast. Okay, I'm going to rest and then get on with my work. So, is that alright now. =D

Kelvin called just now. It's his birthday today. I didn't know that. And he wanted to date me out but I couldn't go out since my exams are coming and I really need to mug so hard. My buddha!~ I'm feeling so guilty. It's absolutely, typically, super, guilty. I'm sorry my kitty. Shall meet u out soon alright. =D

Happy birthday my kitty!

I'm feeling so guilty, tired, drained. Buddha, released me from all these emotions. Hais~

6:07:00 PM

Monday, September 25, 2006

I am so so so proud of myself~

I've studied for such a long long long time. And, I survived through it. =D

Alright, school was alright again. Guide has a camp which involve us going to Malaysia, my mum didn't really allowed me to go. And, it set upon me that what am I going to do to have her allowing me for that camp? I'm sure it's going to be very meaningful trip. Oh well, I shall try again.

We had a Chinese Test today. There's only one word to describe everything. Bad! Who the heaven come out with this test with almost all of the comprehension question coming out with a difficult answer. I know I'm dead. This is the first time that I felt that a chinese test seems so difficult. Help me please~

After meeting up with the SBM and having LiangJian to fetch me to MRT. Thanks! I went home to bath and get ready to go out to library and meet ZhenFeng to study. I really need alot of help for this coming exams. I know I'm dead but nevertheless, I will still try my best no matter what the result come out to be. I'm left with such a short period and I'm not going to give up till the very last minute. Anyway, I survived the long hours of intensive studying and my brain juice are all squeezed out. It seems that studying outside is so much better than studying at home.

Intensive studies ended and I went out with my mum to get her newspaper while poking our nose into some cases that happened under my block. It's a guy who is mad, went to get a wooden block and hit onto a old man whom is a total stranger. This is scary, imagine it happened around my flat. I must be very careful every now and then. Before this mad guy coming into the scence, my mum told me that there's a guy who dashed all around the whole place in his lorry with police trying to chase him behind. Then, he was stucked at a carpark where the height isn't enough for that lorry to go in. Thus, he went out of his lorry and ranaway. From then, no one know what happened again. The lorry had been driven off and I doubt I will know more about it unless the newspaper writes it.

Okay, it's scary to have strange things happening near my flat for two times. Maybe, I should buy some 4D. Just joking XD ! I mean it's the first time that I have seen, things happening for 2 times. It has always been only one time and that happened ages ago.

English paper will be on Friday. Please pray hard for me to get a good pass so as to stablise myself in getting promoted to Secondary 4. I really need help alot. May devas help me!

I'm tired. A early night for me since I'm so drained out now. Night my friends! =D

I will post out loads of photos when I'm happy. Let's just see my mood alright.

I just want to declared that, I love all my friends. =D

9:56:00 PM

Kill me please~

WAhh~ I went to cut my fringe as usual. My fringe is like super short can. I cannot stand it at all. I still prefer my long fringe!~ Arghh~ I'm regretting now. Whatever~ The last time that I cut my fringe was during my exam period and I cut till very short and then I complaint. Now, I'm ranting about it again. Seriously, I hate exams period. Everything that I've done, I rushed through it. ARGH~

12:01:00 AM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Damn stress~

I really don't wish to have anyone to interrupt me when I'm studying. Just shut up and get lost. From tomorrow onwards, I won't be studying at home anymore. I've enough of all of you. I like to study at the time I like, can't I? It's my life. You get your hands out of it. I better get myself out when I'm studying. I really don't like the atmostphere I'm having now. It's always them who keep make my life go so down. Damn them.

I almost cried out when I'm quarrelling with them. It's stupid I know. Guess I'm just too stressed.

I REALLY HAVE ENOUGH LAHHHHHHH~

STUP UP LAH!

7:12:00 PM

BOO!

Oh man. My eyes are stucked at this monitor. I've been wanting to sleep so much. I just have a nap just now and now I need another nap. It's so pathetic. Anyway, I've been rotting at home since after my piano lesson. Then, I went to iron my clothes. Now, I'm ready to study. My schedule will go like this. I will be studying 2 topic for my A math then I will get a bath and continue studying another 2 topic. Initially, I wanted to study 2 topic for Amath and 3 topic for my Chemistry. Then, I just changed my mind. Might as well finished one subject then continue another subject. I shall start small since I don't really like A math XD ! I believe the next subject I will be studying will be Chemistry which is one of my favourite subject. Yipeeeeeee!

Exams Blue~

3:34:00 PM

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Moral home visiting ~

I slept at 3am yesterday just because I was studying my A math. At least, I finished one topic better than nothing. Then, I woke up at 7.45am today. It is really dragful to be dragging yourself out of bed when you just want to have more time to sleep. Why do we have only 24 hours? After dragging myself out of bed, prepared and met up with Raymond at my Burger King. I introduced him a very nice breakfast. =D

We met up with JunHao in the train then off we went to Paya Lebar to meet up with the rest. We got the wrong stop when we took the bus just because WuFeng brought all of us down to that wrong stop. I really mean all of us. Then we need to retake the same bus to that home. Seriously, I've to admit that I'm really very scare when I first stepped in. Then, I managed to overcome it.

I'm feeling very sad for them. Maybe that's the reason that manage to get me to overcome the phobia of them. They seems so friendly to us but yet I kept avoiding at first, then I slowly interact with them and I'm all right with it again. I really wish I can do something for them, but I know I can't. I can just wish that they could reborn in a better life and then walk the buddha path. I'm feeling helpless again~

The guys came to my house to play risk. And, I managed to conquer whole of JunHao's area and I'm feeling so proud of it. He didn't even left any army in the end. I'm feeling so proud! After that, we took bus back to SBM. It's the 133 again that made us late. Arghh~ Anyway, not many people went for the sharing today. We just watched a show which is very meaningful though I didn't watch Disk 2 because I was too tired and I fell asleep. I'm afraid that I might fell ill again which cannot be happening because exams already around the corner.

Hmmm, MJR idol is coming. I might be joining, I might be not. I don't know? Shall see how first since I haven't even get the consent form and I haven't really practice the song with Nicholas and I'm not very sure if I can make it anot. Anyway, Nicholas had promised a treat if we didn't win. LOLS ! Shall study first. MJR Idol can just be something that to let me try for since it's the last year that I can join. =D

Oh well, I hasn't been posting pictures for so long. I'm just so lazy!~ You have to plug in the cable and get the photos from your phone. This step always take me years to do since my cable has been very rebellious recently. Then, I will have to wait till all the photos have been moved and then delete all of them because my phone is lag. Oh well, If I've a choice again, I want to buy a flip phone which I have been wanting it ever since I got my first phone. Yeah, humans are always not contented with the things in life, so am I. Anyway, I still love my phone =D

I went for a short shopping with my mum. She said that, I could open a shop in the future and then work there. Yay! So, I will be the boss soon! Shall start learning the techniques because I really don't want to open and then close it again. I want to have alot of its branch. Well, I have drift too far. Whatever~ Anyway, I saw loads of tops that I really like and I really want to start working now and then go shopping! I miss shopping! Afterall, which girl doesn't like shopping? Guys, stop whining about girls shopping because we have the ability to shop, can you? LOLS!

Things that I intended to buy

Dollie Top
Boyboy's shoes
Black Shorts
3/4 Jeans
That Spagetti
That Bag
That Jacket
Boyboy's vaccination
Treat family to eat
Bits and Pieces of Jewellery

All right, to be honest. I want everything ! I'm greedy xD ! Who cares~

Why am I thinking so much when my exams are still here. Arghhh~!!!!

12 days more to my exams

9:33:00 PM

It's stupid to care for your girlfriend more than me. I'm having my exams right now. You took my place away where I put my study table there just for your computer. And now, I didn't even have any place to do my work except my bed, so what are you whining about? You wanted me to stop everything just for the sake of your girlfriend. It isn't fair at all, is it? Care for your girlfriend all you like when you're outside, I don't give a damn. You took the fan just for her, you want me to off the light just for her. Everything is just about you and her. Then just moved out of the house, since you're already getting your flat soon isn't it. Seriously, I don't give a damn. Scold all you like, showed me all kinds of face. I don't care. I won't give a damn to anyone who thinks that they are right. =D Oh yeah~

I just don't give a damn. Cut all your craps =D

2:48:00 AM

Oral exam

My oral is hell to me. I spoilt everything through the two words which slipped off my tongue. "lah", "mah" killed me. Am I dead or what? I wished I'm not. May devas protect me and sensored the two words. =D My picture was alright, at least as far as I know, I know I'm all right. My passage was even better because I really did try to pronouce each and every little word nicely. Conversations, I had all my ideas out but I didn't really express it in a very well manner which "lah", "mah" had all came out.

I slept from the time I reached home till 9.30 pm. And, I'm so hyper now. I'll be studying one topic of my A math or maybe getting into the second topic too. I've not much time right now. I just want to do well can~ I've decided that I won't be blogging that often when my English exams finished. Maybe I won't be even online for the rest of the time after my English exams.

My cuts are heal but I'm afraid that it will leave a ugly scar which I'm don't want. Buddha bless ! =D I don't want to have any scars to be left behind. I remembered that I had been hit by a metal can when I'm very young. Blood is like oozing out from my head. And, I was crying my eyes out yet my dad was scolding me all along. He's very unreasonable at that time. Saying that it's a small cut, why must I cry like I'm dying soon. Why don't he try standing near a shelve and someone came over to pick up some can food when one of them accidentally dropped onto your head. Till now, it had left me a scar. There's another one on my head again which I had been banged over my bedroom's wall. I know I'm clumsy in such way but it was all a accidental. My brother and I was playing around and I was pulling him when he was running around, so I was being dragged all around. When he did a U-turn at my bedroom door, my head just smashed over a sharp end. Then I became the "Bao Qing Tian" where the scars leave directly in the middle of my forehead. Oh well~

I'm ready to study now. Goodbye~ =D I need to wake up very early in the morning to go to the children's home visiting. Oh well~ I'm tired. Maybe I won't join them for sharing, shall see how first. =D

13 days to my Exams. Devas bless me =D

12:37:00 AM

Thursday, September 21, 2006

I'm dead beat~

I did alittle revision yesterday. It's better than doing nothing right? These few days had been a disastrous for me. Didn't manage to sleep well even how early I wanted to sleep. Sound pathetic? That's it. I guess I should have a nap in the afternoon before I start my revision at night since I'm always very active at night and I can learn well at night. I used to study at night during the holiday but it no longer happened since I'm addicted to the computer. Time to kick out this habits to on the PC once I reach home.

Mr John Lim had a short lecture with us. He was saying all kinds of stuffs to make us study and it suddenly hit on me. He said that we shouldn't play all our life. And we can play after our exams so why now? So I was like, reflecting upon it and I came to a conclusion that, I'm left with not much time and I should finish it once and for all and get moving for another major exams. I'm just too playful and lazy to study. Seriously, what really happened to me?

I did some shopping! All right, I did not spend my time outside ! So, I'm still a good girl. Want to know how I do my shopping? Use your brain and you can find out, it's of course through our technology. I'm interested with one of the top but I didn't want to buy it since I don't think I need that top so soon. So, might as well wait till I'm happy then I buy it. Maybe, I could go down to bugis street to check up if there's a similar top there. It's always a good thing to stay in bugis XD !

I was on my father's van when I was thinking that why didn't I grow fat when I'm in primary school and got a conclusion that is because I walk from school back to home. The walks are worth it but I'm still walking from school to MRT now too. So, why am I still growing fat? Arghh~

Study Study. I'm going to start my Chemistry now then my Physic. I want to do well in my results lah~

14 days to Examinations (Excluding English & Chinese papers)

My buddha~ I'm left with 2 weeks. Buddha bless me =D

4:02:00 PM

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I've been out~

All right. Not a well spent time in school. Perhaps, I never like to be in school. I really can't afford to spend another year again. No way! it got to be scary. I ought to be studying real hard to get my butt off from sec three now.

I was out in the afternoon with them. We were talking all kinds of crap from hormones to what stuffs that WenCai had met with. I guess the one that he saw a Dharma Protector was very funny since he panic so much. All right, if it happens to me, I'm definitely going to say it as a ghost or something else. Ernest was our scientist for the day. He was talking all the stuffs about how they get cells. He didn't really experience it through cutting the animal up since SPCA had banned him. At least, he saw it through his bare eyes. I can't imagine if I was to skin a animal alive. I'll definitely die right there. Anyway, I've to admit that I'm damn scare of blood and I can't see any spot that filled with blood. I'll definitely whine!

BOO~ My brother wants the pc. Bye~

11:42:00 PM

A DAY DAY DAYYYY~

Ohh~ There will be a maintance tomorrow. I hope it doesn't crash with the time that I usually blog. Hmm, I did nothing but studying today. Been looking forward to have my pasta ever since the day start till the time I had it. It is still delicious and I'm going to love anyone who gives me Baked Pasta. =D Baked Pasta melt my heart. xD

I've been very clumsy this few days. I cut myself on my left hand and I cause internal injury on my right hand. My arm was being scratched by the work bench and I kept knocking my arm here and there. Arghhh! This doesn't seems to be a good sign. But hey, I'm having exams so soon. Let me off alright =D

Anyway, I want to declare myself a good girl because I went to the Popular this afternoon and got myself some assesment. I mean, it's a good thing that I bothered to spend my money on some useful stuffs right? At least I know I spend my money well. Recently, I had just updated my bank book which was not being updated for a very long time. Then, I saw $398.45 being withdrawl and I got stucked. I don't think that I had ever spend that much on something. The most expensive stuffs on me is only that handphone and my hair which cost at least a two hundred. I doubt I spend such a large money on something. I got very panic and I couldn't sleep well yesterday.

This morning was a terrible one, I had a headache and I still have to drag myself to school. It must be the money that I had been panic of. Now, the truth is out. All the money that I had been spending from Jan to April was being stated as a summary of that sum of money. Can't that damn machine to just list out all the money that I spend, instead of making one summary? Stupid machine~

Oh ya, I was speaking about my popular trip. Guess what? I bought 4 stuffs which cost $24. I mean, I didn't manage to buy stuffs in popular that cost more than ten bucks. (Excluding the books for the year)

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It's just this 4 stuffs. Arghh~

I had never regret living in Bugis because I always has show to watch. It's always either fights that happened below my flat or the firework that had been exploding in the air.

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I know you guys are jealous that I stayed in Bugis. XD ! Can I don't leave my hometown for this life? Buddha bless me alright. Please let me stayed here for the rest of my life XD !

Oh well, I'm very tired now. Shall call it a day! Since I had been very filial that I accompany my mum all the way from Simei to Tampines and then getting back to home again. Then, I've been a good friend that I spend my time with my girls. =D I'm guilty that I didn't study at all today. Arghhh~ Kill me please~ I'm just so so so lazy! Do take a knife and slit me alive. I'm feeling so guilty now~ Instead of doing some work, I'm ranting here. Am I stupid or what? ARghh~ Whatever!~

I shall study right now =DDD

Oh ya! Did I mentioned that this CA2, I scored a 18 points for my L1R5 and a 13 points for my L1R4. I can get even better points but my chinese cause everything. I don't care~ I must get A1 for my O level! =D

I'm happpppppppppppppy~

LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM~

12:07:00 AM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Quiz Quiz again~ =D

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.

Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.

Your boyfriend thinks that you are a real doll but this is not a totally positive thing. Sometimes you can be a bit too sweet, and come across as being helpless. If you're like this too frequently, your boyfriend and other people are likely to get tired of you having to rely on them all the time.

9:00:00 PM

About me?

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on educationEducation is very important in life.

You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

8:56:00 PM

I forgotten to add in that I'm getting my allowance every month, no longer a weekly one. =D It's good because I can save my trips from going back and fro to bank. Yet, I'm afraid that I will spend the allowance like no one business and ended up being broke when the month hasn't end. Arghh~ I know I'm a spendthrift and this is a typical training for me to keep my money well spent. AhhhhH~ Remind me not to spend too much money all right? XD !~

Boooo~ I'm tireddddddddd~

12:59:00 AM

Monday, September 18, 2006

Tired, Sick & Pain

My injury is alittle visible today and everyone tried to touch it. Arghh! It's not like as if it isn't pain. It hurts alot alot okay! I'm feeling like a handicapped today. I couldn't move my left hand that much. If ever I move alittle, I will start to whine till nobody business again. So, don't ever try to touch my bruise.

We had a short guide meeting today. I'm glad most of them who came today had passed their test. It's a good news afterall. Mrs Wong was speaking about our Award for this coming year. She doubt we can get any if we continue to be like this. I'm guilty over it because I hasn't really been doing my badges for a long time already. Or rather, I did but it's just afew which I don't think is enough to help to get us awards. Oh well, I will try my best after exams. =D I'm feeling so guilty now. =(

I'm feeling alittle sick again. My voice was recovering and then I was doing some timing for my squad today, my voice ran out. It's just alittle while that I had been shouting~ Arghhh! My oral is coming on this friday and I can't afford to lose my voice at this part of time. Buddha bless me!

I'm so tired today. It has been a very long day. I didn't fell alseep or anything and I'm proud of myself. =D

Anyway, there's something that I have been looking forward that is, I'm going to have Baked Pasta at Pizza Hut tomorrow and then I shall go and study with my Esther. =D It was supposed to be today but I had to cancel it last minute due to my CCA. We'll always have another day and I know this friend wouldn't turn her back to me and leave. =D

My mind had been playing tricks with me. Each time I closed my eyes, I will imagine that some "thing" will directly face me and look at me when I opened my eyes. Then, I will get weird feeling then I will open my eyes no matter what. Seriously, I'm sure it's my mind who is playing tricks.

All right, I haven't start any revision today and I'm guilty again. I didn't even do any work today because I was too tired and fell alseep on my sofa. Bless me please~ I need alot help tomorrow.

BUDDHA BLESS ME!!!!

11:53:00 PM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

I cut myself yesterday and I'm in great pain today. Arghhh~ I can't play my piano well. The pain kept coming whenever I'm in touch with water and whenver I bend my finger. Arghh~ I hate this~

Something isn't right between the two of us again. I was the one who kept avoiding. It's my fault. I just want to know how much that person care. I got the wrong way to know it. Maybe I was right not getting involve with him. Please tell me I was right. I don't want to set any regret in the future. I admit I'm sensitive to every small things. My sense are always right, there is absolutely no doubt in it. I know it's not the same anymore. I'm right in my decision. I'm really right. It's time for me to leave. Don't promise me anything anymore.

(: I want to care no more.

12:35:00 PM

Moggallana~

I don't know why. I just feel like crying when I thought of the past Moggallana. Things are so much different now. My sixth sense are always so right. I knew things weren't be the same anymore. I knew I will break down sooner or later because of my dearest house. Seriously, I miss the time. I miss all the outings. I miss all the time we're together. Yet right now, what are we? Why am I crying for it? I have care too much already. I should have do like what others are doing, don't even give a damn to anything.

I hate changes. You guys shouldn't have assure me that nothing will change in the first place at all. My hope started to get high and now, it dropped and broken into pieces. It will have be better if you guys don't assure me anything. At least, I'm glad you make an effort to wanting to change it back to what we used to be.

I really hate changes. I want changes NO MORE~

12:37:00 AM

Saturday, September 16, 2006

BOOOOOOO~ DAY~

I had been listening to chinese song recently again. Each time I started to listen to this specific song, I will start to tear abit. I'm feeling so much different now whether in home or SBM. It seems that everything is starting to change already.

I'm all alone at home while my brothers are out there having fun with their girlfriends. Sometime, having a relationship isn't that bad afterall. At least, it kept you company. You won't know the feeling of how I'm feeling right now. It's always that existence of my brothers letting me to feel so secure at home. Yet, all these time my brothers are away and I'm always returning from an empty room. It's just the computer and me. Me and computer. Computer and me. It was all right at the first place but as time passes, things are getting more and more lonely. I'm starting to hate this kind of life already. This shows that it is never a good thing to have sibling because once you're adapt to a life where your siblings are around for so many years and then suddenly you have to adapt to a life where you get back home alone.

Even the distance between my relatives and my family are getting apart ever since that incident with my father. All the celebrations and activities, I was not there. I didn't even know anything except getting the information from one of my cousin which is so pathetic. I don't want to be excluded from the gathering, from the fun. I want to be part of it. I don't want to see my family and my relative being split apart. I really don't want to. Why things can be changed so much within a year?

A friend had ranaway from home. He was still lucky enough to have his aunt to be there to help him. I'm jealous of this. At least when he needed help, someone was there to help him. I didn't have any at all. I don't even know who can I turn to. No doubt that family will be there and shower you with unconditional love and care but sometime, we needed is not that.

I was on my way to the workshop just now. Trying my best to find some one to go together, yet I couldn't find any. I was thinking of ways to get my way to the place but thought of that if I could not find the place, I will take the train and back home. I was lucky that I met Liang Jian at the right place and the right time. This time round, the message is not pass well to me again. I only get to know it from the others except from my captain. It's not the first time already. The public talk was another issue yet this is another one. What if I didn't know at all and I didn't update the blog at all, then all of us will be heading to SBM for sharing session and going all the way there for nothing. I thought he will at least tell us about the workshop even at the last minute but he didn't. My disappointment is overwhelming already. Luckily, I know not many people will read my blog. I don't want to offend anyone at all. It's just a feeling inside me. I don't even care if anyone care.

Arghh~ Whatever whatever and whatever =D Shall throw all these at the side now. I don't care don't care and don't care =DDDD YAY~ I want to live life happily happily happily XD !

It's been awhile since I upload picture =D
Random pictures~

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Ying Hui & Me

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Andrina & Me

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Esther & Me

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Jowell & Me

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We Rocks !

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My girls~

8:43:00 PM

Friday, September 15, 2006

RESULT~

I passed my english! =D

I have gotten back my Report book for the CA2 today. I met my citeria to be promoted for the time being. Yet, my english isn't stable. I might fall and stumble again. I'm just on my way too border line there. It's time to really mug hard hard. Bless me everyone! May Devas bless me!

Exams coming!!

22th Sept - English Oral
29th Sept - English Language Paper 1 & 2

o6th Oct - Chinese Language Paper 1 & 2
o9th Oct - Math Paper 1 & Social Studies
1oth Oct - Science (Phy/Chem) Paper 1 & Science ( Chemistry) Paper 3
11th Oct - Geography (Elective) & AMath Paper 2
12th Oct - AMath Paper 1
13th Oct - Math Paper 2 & Science (Phy) Paper 2
16th Oct - Design And Technology

*SCREAMMMMMMS*
I need to mug real hard hard for my upcoming exams. Please bless me =(

Result for my CA2

English - 50
Chinese - 54 ( There's some problem with this, I scored 70 leh)
AMath - 27
EMath - 60
Science - 73
Combined Humanities - 39
Design And Technology - 75

Booo~ I know the result aren't that good still. Well, I will just work hard for my EOY. I can't afford to fail my EOY, do I? I can't fail it at all~ I need to be promoted and I promise to work hard during my last year in Secondary School. You won't see me out so often anymore =D Just let me pass my current year and be promoted please!

May Devas Bless Me! =D

Sometime, I was thinking if it worth to be doing so much for them. Afterall, I can't be there for them everytime. I've got to leave one day. I don't even know if I could have any time for them anymore since I'm going for work after my Exams. I don't even know if I have my weekends anymore. I can't even assure them anything for all these stuffs. I can't help them for long anyway. Even informations aren't pass well to me, how am I going to be sure that everything will go smoothly. I'm very afraid, seriously.

It's a long long day for me tomorrow. I've to wake up at 6.30am just for the girl guide which starts at 8.30am and we're supposed to meet at Ngee Ann for that Monopoly game. After that, I shall rush home and bath then get off for the Speech Workshop which ends at 6 and it's at Braddell. There's so much activites for me tomorrow. Tiring =( I'm sick too~ Booo~

Suddenly, I miss yuanyi marmie so much. I was flipping through all the pictures in my computer. There are so many photos which we have taken last time. We were used to be so close. We met up like nobody business and play till the wee hours. Yet, what are we right now. Everything seems so unfamiliar. We were so close but why aren't we now?

My brother's girlfriend was curious about my ex's look, thus I went into Friendster and look up for their profile. She said that Jashawn was cool and handsome. My buddha! Is he? I don't even think at all. He aren't handsome nor cool. Beside being the nicest to be hug of, I can't find any thing that he's suitable to be a boyfriend of anyone. Anyway, he had gone serious with a girl right now? Yet, I still don't believe he will be serious with any girls xD !

Can my exams pass quickly and I passed well with flying colours? I want to dote myself soon~ Since I don't have anyone to dote me, might as well faster finish everything and dote myself from the shopping. =D I want to go shopping~ I want to meet up with those long lost friends. I want to buy new clothes. I want to get back what I used to do. =D

Actually, I have alot of things to write. Yet, when I thought of writing it down. Well, forget it then.

Final Destination for me is just happiness. I need happiness so much seriously. Why can't anyone gives me? This year is a very drained out year for me. Family, friends, relationships, studies, piano all were in a very low state, especially my family. Arghh~

Don't care me. It's just the ~~time of the month~~ where moodswings so frequently. =D

You guys make me lost my interest. All these were used to be my interest, one of my priorities. Something that I want to do well in it. Receiving all these shit tell me that my effort wasn't pay off and I shall wash my hands off.

Rahhh~ I'm losing my voice again! Shall go rest again. Night!

8:48:00 PM

AHHHHH~

I lost my appetite. I hardly eaten 3 meals a day which didn't really happened last time. I used to eat 3 - 4 meals and I can still say that I'm hungry. Boooo~ I'm lack of sleep and I'm lack of food. How pathetic can I be. I wanted to sleep but the cough is driving me nuts. Finally, I manage to catch some sleep this afternoon and I was being disturbed by my brother till I woke up. Arghh~ At least I slept from 6pm to 10pm. =D

I'm so tired now~ Yet, I couldn't sleep anymore. There's school tomorrow. And one thing to be happy about is that it's the last day of the week. YAY! Which means exams are drawing nearer =(

EXAMS ! You sucks =D

12:14:00 AM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Weirdd~

Why is there so many people could not view my post? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe it's good thing because blog is mine, why should I let others read up all my life. Yet sometime, I didn't even bother about whether my blog has anyone who cares to read it. At least I know who are the one who have been reading and trying to make my life better. =D I appreciate that. So, is having a blog good or bad? Weird~

We had our timetable changed once again. Thursday is no longer that stress anymore as there's no more continuous Math lesson anymore. A math was after recess while E math was before recess. I slept alot in school today. It seems that I couldn't sleep well at all with that cough killing me. I didn't sleep well last night either. My cough is killing me!

I'm back to be a techno-siao! It has been really a long time ever since I had been playing techno all day long. Each time I adapt back to what I used to be, I will alway start to miss the past. I miss shopping everyday! I miss hanging out all day long! Afterall, I'm still young. I still love to play and go out. It is really the time to take out sometime to be back what I used to be. I have been busy all day long with my work, moggallana stuffs so much that I hasn't had any time for myself. I don't even know if I will be having time when I starts to work again. The previous working time had drained me out. I just work everyday without getting any rest throughout the whole holiday. At least I learnt alot throughout my working and I'm glad that I learnt so much.

Seriously, I miss junior. I wondered where is she now. Maybe I shall go and look up for her some day. I miss taking orders for her to make sticker and I appreciate the free sticker that she had given me. If you need any name stickers, please look for me because I have cheap and licsensed stickers. =D

I miss working~
*cough cough* My cough is killing me!

4:50:00 PM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

WEEE~ I'm SUPER HAPPY!

My PC is back again but my stupid brother went to exchange my ultra big monitor with his stupid small little moniter which keep me suffering. I miss my big big monitor where everything fits in well, now my blog has no longer fits well to my PC anymore. Shall do some edit for my blog to let everything sets in well for my eyes. =D

It felt good to get my PC back where I can do all kinds of work again but not now because I'm preparing for my exams soon and I'm sick. Arghh~ Let's pray hard that I will be well and happy tomorrow again or rather I need to. It feels sick to be sick. Furthermore, I kept losing my voice every now and then. Even I tried hard to strain my voice, my throat hurts. Arghh~

Suddenly, I couldn't get use to using my own pc again. The keyboard seems so hard to be pressed, the monitor seems so small, the seating seems so shaky. Everything just don't seems to feel like it used to be. At least I'm happy that I can flood my computer with all my photos again. This feels good~

I have extended cirrculum already. We are supposed to continue studying till 15 November while others are having their holiday on 27 Oct happily. It's karma since I was laughing at my cousin for having cirrculum and now it's my turn. Moral of the story is that never laugh at anything because there will be one turn for you. Arghhh~

Two girls had found very good guy from my family and I'm jealous of them. Arghh~ I don't care, I must find even better guy than my two brothers. Why others can find and I cannot. I was thinking that good ones had really extinct but there came my two brothers and they show me what good one look like. Seriously, diamonds are a great friends of the girls. =D I'm so in love with that diamond~ BOOOO~ lols ! Why don't my brother give it to me instead of his girlfriend?

I survive without my PC for two weeks which means I did not have any MP3 around me. Thus, I was using my handphone to listen to song and my battery definitely will go flat everyday. At least, I have music around me =D

Aims for this year:

Do well for my upcoming EOY

Pratice hard for my Piano

Save a sum of money

Things to do next year:

Finish up my Piano Grade 8 and deciding whether to go up to diploma

Finish up my O level and do well for it

By next year I have alot things to do, won't be able to meet up so much and care for anything so much. It's a very crucial year next year having both my piano and my academic to be done. It's most probably that I will go up for my piano to diploma then my degree and I will stop there already. Then my academic is the same that I'll be going onto polytechnic then university. I don't have any material for JC. I don't like to study till I go bonker thus JC is not a choice for me =D. I have already set up for the road path that I'm heading to.

I remember myself being one that love to be challenges. I was a very difficult person to handle with in Primary School. I took up all kinds of CCA - Dance, Choirs, Swimming, Badminton. I was a prefect in Primary School and I miss the time being one. I was on the top 3 in class and I can choose to go up to EM1 but I let it go in the end. I don't like to lose in class or anything. I don't give up or anything at all and I will fight all the way. Yet, I don't know I lose all these principle ever since I'm in Secondary school. I must find all this back because it helps me alot through my primary school years and I believed that this will help me in the secondary school years. It's time to find back the one that I'm used to be.

I want to take up dance course sooon~ I miss dancing. =( It's been 3 years ever since I last danced. Dancing help to lose weight too =D Well, I shall finish up my 'O' Level first before I go for any course =D

CHEEEERS!

I WANT TO STUDY WELL. =D

7:14:00 PM

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Booo sick sick sick and sick~

I'm still sick. It's been a week that I'm sick. I'm getting so tired of being sick. Get me hell outta of this sickness. Arghh~ Didn't go for Girl Guide due to sick. Didn't pay attention in class due to sick. Arghhh~ It's never a good thing to be sick though I can rest at home but I chose to go school.

Devas helped me today. I couldn't find my Chinese file and I remembered teacher did not return it to me and claimed that I didn't pass up. Yet today, he told me I passed it up already but my marks aren't that good because I lost a few worksheets. Booo~ At least I didn't receive zero mark for this file.

I'm soooooo tired. Shall go rest right now! Being sick is never a good thing =D I hate to be sick. hais~ My english is deproving right now. I can't even write a proper sentence already. English needs pratice too. I need to pratice my A math too. Exams are coming so fast and it's getting me scare already. =(

Anyway, good news! I secure a job right now already. Supposed to start work after my exams. I will be working in Bugis Street there. Spot me around there alright~ =D So now, I shall study hard hard for my exams then I go on working hard hard then study hard hard again for O level then go back to work hard hard again. YAY! Time flies so fast. It seems that I'm only secondary one last year.

I don't want to be sick anymore~

8:45:00 PM

Monday, September 11, 2006

I'm starting to feel tired again. Exams are so so near yet I haven't start my revision yet. Am I going to survive through this year? O level will be starting early next year for my batch and I hope we survive through together. I'm so drained out right now. Didn't really have a good rest over the holiday just because of a stupid illness.

You know when you're very sick, you'll tends to think alot. Sometimes I really don't understand alot people. Why can they be so nice infront of you and then backstab you like no one business. I don't know how to be acting so nice to one whom I dislike. I don't like fakeness. So, if you don't like me, you doesn't have to act that you like me. I don't give it a damn anyway since people do comes and goes and I'll believe you will be the one that will go in the future. I just cannot understand why people can dislike someone yet treat them so nice infront of them?

I get very frightened when someone who had turned their back to me and yet treated me so good. I won't start to dislike you, I just get frightened. I'm not pointing finger to anyone, just speaking on the general. Maybe, it is the self-defence that I had for myself. I will start to think that you're up to no good to me. When I lose something, I'll get very sad but let it go afterawhile because I don't think it is worth brooding over something that is missing.

I believe in people too easily thus getting myself all bruised. I didn't have any thoughts that one can be so scary and frightening back then. It's experience that make me grow from it. =D

When was the last time that I break down?

8:09:00 PM

I'm amazed by the dharma!

Been very busy and sick from all the activities that SBM had lined up for us. Didn't make it on friday and I did really feel weird because it's the first time that I didn't join them. Nevertheless, I try to stable down my fever so as to join them on the public talk at Tai Pei. A very good experience for me as this is the first time I'm helping out in something so grand and we got a full house for both downstair and upstair. =D I survived the standing up though I'm very sick and my fever kept coming and go. Booo~

We had another public talk by Ven. Mahinda on Sunday too. I was late again because of the bus 133. Seriously, why don't they hire more bus driver and drive more 133 bus for me. Arghh~ After our personal public talk, we had a public talk for the public. I was seriously ill thus I slept at a corner =X. After everything, we were gathered around chatting and Ven. Mahinda came up to tell us some stories and i'm really amazed by it. WenCai verify it through his camera too. Shall get the picture from him and I shall tell you the story soon. =D

School was torturing today. I was physically sick and my mind is working very hard for all the work that were needed. Maybe I shouldn't go to school in the first place because i'm almost died there. =D Nevermind, I shall look on the bright side that I survived through it. I wanted to go home straight after school but there came a super heavy rain and stop me from going home -.-". My two nice friend accompanied to wait for the rain =D.

Shan't post anymore. I'm very ill right now. May devas protect me XD !

*Died*

7:43:00 PM

Friday, September 08, 2006

I'm super disappointed in him. I doubt I can rely on him anymore. He isn't any reliable guy out there. Don't assure me that he'll take care of us well. It's all bull shit.

BULLSHIT BULLSHIT and still BULLSHIT!

11:53:00 PM

BORED~

My future sister-in-law and boyboy!

This is the first time boyboy take photo with a serious look. At least his serious look can make me laugh. Awww, how can I don't love this cute little dog even though he goes around making my life so noisy with his day and night barking? XD

I haven't been studying for this week. This stupid sickness stuck me at a wrong time and I'm not going to let this time to slip away. I should be studying after another rest or rather I must be studying after another rest. =D Holidays are going over soon. I'm going back to face books again. Exams are coming near too. Arghh~

BOOOO~ I WANT TO SLEEP ALL MY LIFE =D

2:34:00 PM

Thursday, September 07, 2006

There's a new dog in our neighbourhood now. It had been barking ever since I woke up. At least, the barking sound nice =X. Anyway, my hamsters give birth to 4 babies again. This time, all the 4 babies are black hamster. Seriously, it is confusing me. How can two white hamsters giving birth to four black hamsters? It has no link at all~! Don't tell me that I was right that negative and negative equal to positive. At least the last birth, there's still two little white one out of the four babies but now, all the babies are black.

My dog is getting the hand of making me laugh. He is always having all kinds of stupid expression and his actions can make you laugh till you roll on the floor. Yet, I still have to complain that he is super naughty but naughty dog loves me xD ! He's growing fat already and I'm also growing fat already. Arghhh~

Well, I shall start my story about the outing yesterday. I was not well in the morning, thus I continue to rest and then waking up in the noon. Then, I was well and happy again. I was on my way there when suddenly, I was sick all over again. Then I reach there and I was well again. Played around and I sat there with Jowell to chit chat. The booking of the room was up thus we went up to LiangJian's house to play. I'm sorry LiangJian for disturbing you.

When I was sitting around, my fever came back. -.-" Is it supposed to be a good sign to be sick? I don't know how long I was resting in the room and then FuZhong and guys came in. Thanks for the concern! After that, we went off to Singapore Post to have our dinner. We were chatting alot about our house stuffs. I really want to thank Forester for voluteering to help me. It's not only me who is feeling that things are different from last time till now, it's most of us. Well, i wrote a long long post about it but decided to delete it due to I'm not going to show how weak I am =D I'm going to endure through it with the people who cares about it. You know who you are =D

*Yawnns* I'm tired again. Shall go back to sleep now. I'm sick afterall XD

1:03:00 PM

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I'm supposed to be in school just now but I didn't go. I'm feeling rather sick right now. It's been awhile I'm sick or is it that I'm always sick? Arghh~ My throat is burning now and I'm coughing like mad. I was resting for awhile and when I woke up, the throat burned even more. I'm dead already. The feeling aren't nice and I really wish I don't have to go through such thing. Curse the time that I had my durians. It must be the durians then I go sick.

There's a outing tomorrow. Will I be able to survive through or will I died there =( I'm sad~ Who can help me? Arghhh~

Things change without anyone knowing.

7:21:00 PM

BLOGGING!

I'm back to blog again! The Ram aren't ready yet, no one had called me. Where the heaven is my ram right now! Arghh! I got to call the person today to ask for my Ram already. Boooo~

I shall annouce that I will be studying today. No more playing a fool already. I don't want to retain nor seeing my result like shit. It's a challenge because I'm left with exactly a month to study. Please wish me good luck for my upcoming exams.

I'll still be back to blog though. I can't bear to abandon my blog anyway. Oh ya I manage to contact alot of my friends which I had been losing over the last few months. I'm glad that nothing had changed. =D

11:28:00 AM

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Tell me I'm right to give up all these, tell me it's all right to leave them and tell me that I won't regret letting this to go. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to regret over something. I'm afraid that I'm no longer have them as my priority. The feeling that I got it from there doesn't really feel right. I guess afew of you know about it. Not many people knows how I'm feeling right now, those who knows about it please keep it to yourself. I don't want to bother anyone. I have been enduring till now, assuring myself that everything will go smoothly. It's just fat hope of mine.

I guess I'm just too stress all these while. A very eventful week and I'm all drained out. Give me a break alright. =D

I just want to cry all out but in the same time, I don't think I have to waste my tears away.

Don't get me drop deeper and deeper.

10:47:00 PM

I just get burst out.

I'm getting depressing these few days. I no longer vent my anger nor sadness onto my blog. I no longer have someone to let me pour out something from. Seriously, I need my PC more than anything else. I know I'm too rely on it but I've no choice.

I don't like to get any attitude from anyone who is unreasonable. If it's my fault, I'm sorry. Yet, when others give me attitude for no good reason, I will make sure you get it back. I don't care if your RANK is higher than me or what so ever. I don't take attitude neither I take people temper. Don't think I'm that easy to handle. I aren't any puppets. What did you actually do, please ask yourself. You know how hard I tried to survive from the piles of stuffs that were undone? I don't want to say you, doesn't mean you are THAT good. Please don't make me puke. Stop acting as if you did do things when in fact, you know it better than me.

I'm getting hell enough out of all these. I don't know what things kept me staying. Sometime, I just wish I'm off from these stressful stuffs. Thing always don't go the way I want. No matter how much I tried to put in the efforts, others don't even bother to put it. I'm just nothing in it, why should I be caring so much when others don't care? I tried so much, but what is the things that I'm getting back? I don't ask for much, just some cooperation and some suggestion. Not everything throwing to me to do, nor giving me attitude. Seriously, the things that I had been given is telling me that I should be gone, I should be off. I shouldn't be here at the first time.

Well, I shall look onto the brighter side of my life. Hmm, couldn't really find anything to say about. Maybe some shopping tomorrow despite the fact that I'm broke. I need to go out! I no longer want to stay at home. Maybe I should start studying before I go out? Exams are running near. It's on 6th October and what am I doing down here. I haven't start my revision, nor did I bother to care so much. Arghh~ I know I'm slacking, I know I'm lazy but I don't know why I can't kick out all of these.

I need to get out of all these troubles that I'm having in my mind. I couldn't take it anymore. Breaking down soon. Leave me alone~

12:19:00 AM

Friday, September 01, 2006

Blog Blog Blogging~

I'm back to blog again!

I had been facing death recently. This is the first year that I had been facing death of someone who is indirectly related to me or rather in short, I'm facing death. I don't wish anyone to be directly related to me to pass away anyway.

Few days ago, I went to a wake. It's my first time going to a wake. Though it's someone who is indirectly related to me. I felt rather sad. Seriously, we have to treasure everyone around us. We'll never know when will they leave us. Jackson's friend whom is rather brother to him had commited suicidal today morning. Venerable had passed away yesterday. Chlorine's dad had passed away on Wednesday. Friend's grandmother had passed away on Tuesday. LiangJian's grandfather had passed away recently but not very sure the date. There's too much death had been occuring recently. This isn't a good year. Impermanent. This word had been flowing into my mind nowadays. Yet, by thinking of this is easy, when it comes to really have to let go of someone who is close to you is very hard.

Don't have any suicidal thought at all neither you really go and commit a suicial. You're only making the people around you suffer. Just afew days, you were there and the next few days, you're gone just like that. Living people suffer the most when they thought of you. Why must you let your friends, family to suffer?

Alot of events are taking place. Suddenly, my life is so full of up and down, no more the smooth sailing again. I was thinking about my family and relative then my paternal side came across my mind. It's been a long time ever since I had contacted them. Ever since my parents had been quarrelling till now. I was helpless that time, I just need someone to help me thus I turn to my aunt. A heartless message from her, I broke down. She said that my dad didn't help her when she in need and now it's my own family problem why must drag others down? No one knows I'm damn helpless that time, I act like I don't care about it but in fact I cares alot. I know I'm still their child and adults stuff are complicated. Yet, I guess it's all right now. I just told my cousin that we shall meet and visit my grandmother after her O'level. Afterall, it's been a very long time ever since I see them. I don't want to have any regrets.

I've been very tired nowaday. Shall have a sleep soon! NIGHT =D

12:41:00 PM

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